chutzpah how do you react

amother

Magenta

Wed, Jul 15 2015, 8:40 pm

It depends on why. I recently started a thread here about my 5 year old. The reason why she doesn't like listening is because in her head she's actually 10 years old and she resents being treated like a 5 year old. She doesn't like being ordered around, bossed around, given a direct command, etc. She outright refuses if she's given a strict-sounding command and falls apart if she's forced to do it with timeout etc. Whereas if she's given something that sounds like a friendly suggestion that requires her thoughtfulness and responsibility, she's more likely to follow directions.

I'm trying really hard to talk to her like I would to a 10 year old. I let her figure things out on her own. If she's eating with her hands, I say in a hushed voice, "DD I put a fork near your place, did you see it?" Like the way you would to a 10 year old who maybe didn't notice the fork and you don't want to embarrass her.

Going to bed, it's helpful if they can tell time on a digital clock. DD has a hard time with transitions in general, if we're going anywhere I let her know 15 minutes in advance and remind her every few minutes so she can slowly transition to the idea. I do the same thing with bedtime, and I also note the time. We observe how bedtime is the same time every night, it's not something arbitrary that I pull out of nowhere, it's a set time that I adhere to because the clock says so, not because I say so.

Hanging up the jacket - we figured out it was difficult for DD to hang up her jacket in our closet, we brainstormed together to figure out the easiest way for her to do so and now she does it most of the time. While she was getting used to the habit I would use the "responsibility" approach like "DD I'm so glad I can rely on you to put away your jacket instead of leaving it on the floor" *DD sees jacket on floor, puts it away* I say "thank you, your help makes it so much easier for us all to live in a clean house."

I started thinking about the way I want to be spoken to. Would I appreciate it if someone told me "hang up your jacket please" like I'm an idiot, or would I appreciate it if they said "the hooks are on the wall to your left." Then I try to use the adult approach instead of the child approach.