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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
For those of you who are or have suffered from infertility (secondary infertility) Is it easier for you when you are told someone is pregnant?
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By them showing up with maternity- without being told. (basically being left out of the loop) |
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5% |
[ 3 ] |
It's much easier if I know before they are showing or am told on the phone etc. so that it's not just thrown in my face. |
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94% |
[ 53 ] |
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Total Votes : 56 |
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 7:45 pm
Any time after you are obviously showing is nice and appropriate to tell someone who may be sensitive to finding out.
Unless you carry very small, do you really think you were not showing until now? It's very rare for people not to be showing until they are starting their 8th month.
It's only a secret when no one can see it from looking at you.
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amother
Chocolate
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:27 pm
I'm not sure why this only pertains to secondary infertility.. But as someone still going through primary infertility, I strongly recommend you telling your friend going through infertility your news right before or right when you are announcing. How to say it is a whole different story. The worst thing is to A.) Hear it from someone else who knows and B.) Happen to see you one day in maternity.
Even those who go through infertility should tell their infertile friends..I wasn't told by someone who I knew went through infertility and she knew I was going through the same thing and happened to see her one day very very pregnant... I pretended I didn't see and walked the other direction.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:28 pm
notshanarishona wrote: | Any time after you are obviously showing is nice and appropriate to tell someone who may be sensitive to finding out.
Unless you carry very small, do you really think you were not showing until now? It's very rare for people not to be showing until they are starting their 8th month.
It's only a secret when no one can see it from looking at you. |
I Saw my siblings pesach and they didn't realize, funny thing is I was wearing maternity and gained 30 pounds.
I don't see her so I never mentioned it.. But you are right earlier would have been better.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:30 pm
amother wrote: | I'm not sure why this only pertains to secondary infertility.. But as someone still going through primary infertility, I strongly recommend you telling your friend going through infertility your news right before or right when you are announcing. How to say it is a whole different story. The worst thing is to A.) Hear it from someone else who knows and B.) Happen to see you one day in maternity.
Even those who go through infertility should tell their infertile friends..I wasn't told by someone who I knew went through infertility and she knew I was going through the same thing and happened to see her one day very very pregnant... I pretended I didn't see and walked the other direction. |
I wrote both infertility and secondary infertility.
And I 100% agree I told people right away by my first because it's so painful to keep talking and confiding in someone and then to find out they were pregnant it happened to me I felt soooo stupid when they showed up to the next Simcha in maternity.
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amother
Seagreen
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:33 pm
I didn't have children for many years. As it happens, shortly before I became pregnant, both my cousin and my good friend were expecting twins. The friend didn't know how to tell me, so she didn't and when I heard I felt much worse than when my cousin very matter of factly told me the news. Tell her matter of factly and then take her lead.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Jun 21 2016, 8:42 pm
amother wrote: | I didn't have children for many years. As it happens, shortly before I became pregnant, both my cousin and my good friend were expecting twins. The friend didn't know how to tell me, so she didn't and when I heard I felt much worse than when my cousin very matter of factly told me the news. Tell her matter of factly and then take her lead. |
I appreciate your response and I agree im surprised some people feel it's better not to tell by looking at the poll results. Seems like the overall people would rather be told though.
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amother
Denim
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Wed, Jun 22 2016, 8:16 am
In general, I much prefer being told be email so I can react in private. It is better if the email is not specifically about the pregnancy but predominantly about other topics. This is why email is better than text or WhatsApp, because it's difficult not to make the message specifically about the pregnancy that way.
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sourstix
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Wed, Jun 22 2016, 9:02 am
Please please please don't do text or email! It's so cold and heartless. If I your close enough pickup the phone have a chat and throw it in the conversation if not then don't think to much about it. How often do u even talk to her. Doesn't sound like a very close relationship. Just because you know she is in a lot of pain doesn't make u a close relationship
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sourstix
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Wed, Jun 22 2016, 9:08 am
I'm trying to understand why people are telling her to tell anything she doesn't have a close relationship with her why does she need to tell her anything? Why does everyone think she's obligated to someone she isn't telling us is that close to her. I just don't get it. Suppose you didn't know her IF issue would you even consider her a friend? I think that would give you a clue as how important this would b
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