Mitzvah notes, Love 'em or hate 'em?

amother

Puce

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 8:27 am

amother wrote:

In my younger days I struggled with this issue as I'm not such an organized person. So we sat down at the computer and created notes for several things we wanted to encourage e.g. cleaning up toys, going to bed nicely, sharing with sibling.

Then I illustrated them with little clip art pictures or things I drew in Paint.

Then I printed out a bunch and cut them up. So I had something handy to pull out & insert into briefcase as appropriate.

This is absolutely brilliant!

eschaya

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 10:37 am

Hate them. It was always such a pressure. I"m so busy as it it, I don't need any more Mommy homework. Especially since I work overnights, and sometimes do not get home in time before the kids left for school. So in my few hours of afternoon time with the kids there is homework, dinner, lunches, baths, getting myself ready for school, spending quality time with dh and kids, errends and paperwork, and ... oh yah, let me wrack my brains for something not too stupid to write about in the 1 minute I have while waiting for my coffee to be ready before dashing out the door. And then to empty the kid's backpack the next day and occasionally find that crumpled mitzvah note that took the place of emptying my bladder before my commute to work...
Other than the rare occasions when DC does something really special or at least out of the ordinary, most mitzvah notes end up being variations on the same themes praising activities that should be done without excessive accolades ("dear Morah, yanky ate his dinner so nicely last night", "dear morah, today saralah got dressed without being asked twice".) Don't get me wrong, I give plenty of positive reinforcement to my kids when I notice positive behavior. But there is a limit as to how many days a week I can praise my childs breakfast eating abilities.

I know of some very organized mothers who write out a month's (or week or year) worth of generic mitzvah note in advance and then daily pull out a vaguely relevant note. But this strikes me as very disingenuous. Are we really looking to find specific behaviors to praise and reinforce? Or is it to make the Mommy feel good and look good in the eyes of the Morah? JMHO.

miami85

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 12:41 pm

I wish my kids' school would do what a Rebbe did when I worked in a preschool class was that he had a "midda" or "mitzva" of the "month"--I think it wasn't specifically a month but whatever, and the kids were supposed to bring in notes reflecting the target mitzvah/midda--like "speaking politely" or "saying asher yatzar" etc. of course ANY mitzvah note was accepted but there was extra emphasis put on those "target" ones. I don't konw how those parents felt, b/c there was always some cute prize/chatchke every day, and then a bigger prize at the end of the unit if a kid was "regular" at bringing in mitzvah notes. I would've felt terrible for my kids Right now my kids are just supposed to bring in a mitzvah note--but one teacher specified 2-3 per week is fine. Last year I kept forgetting b/c my son never gave them in! So I'd find like 5 in his bookbag!

Kiwi13

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 1:49 pm

My 2-year old started a toddler program and before Rosh Hashanah he came home all excited about “the apple tree! The apple tree!” He was telling me about the tree-shaped bulletin board where his morahs put the apple-shaped mitzvah notes. I try to make sure he has a note at least on most days. It makes him so happy. :-)

Kiwi13

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 1:52 pm

Also, when I taught 3-year olds I noticed that some kids always had mitzvah notes and some kids almost never had them. So I started writing notes in school too, in part to make sure everyone had a chance, and in part to give positive attention to positive behavior at school. (“Catch them doing good”).

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 08 2017, 6:20 pm

My children go to a school where mitzvah notes are not ALLOWED. Why? Because the most authentic self esteem comes from when you do something hard for you and know it inside, without any applause. Children naturally feel good when doing a mitzva. Turning it into (at best) an external motivator or (at worst) a popularity contest both make a person feel worse about themselves in the long run. It causes the kids to only want to do something if there will be a prize, an applause, or an intensive. Now, I am not saying that there is never a place for external motivation--of course there is. But by not planing to a specific program, you give more or a chance for the child to discover the sweet feeling of doing right and feeling a feeling of genuine self-love. Instead of commenting "wow, what a mitzva, you brought a fork to the table for your sister! Here's a mitzva note!"--rather, say, "wow, can you feel how strong/bright/good you feel right now, when you brought that fork for your sister?" One teaches the child they will be loved if they do something good. One teaches them they are internally good if they do something good (and even if they do something not so good, they still have their basis of self love then as well and will be more forgiving of themselves).

amother

Mint

Wed, Nov 08 2017, 6:20 pm

Did not read all the replies. I am wondering why is the pressure to send mitzvah notes?
If you are having a crazy busy morning, why do you have to quickly think up a mitzva note
Save mitzva notes for times when your child does something that is hard for her or that you can imagine must be hard for a child. (like giving up sitting next to you, playing quietly so you get rest or get work done)