Being a good role model vs being a good disciplinarian

amother

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 10:53 am

Im curious to hear from other moms out there which they would consider more important..

I have a friend who had a son and then twins a year later . When they were all little (under 5) I was in her house and I was BLOWN away from her stamina in disciplining. Her little kids didnt take food away from the table, cleared their plates and utensils when they were done, only took out one toy at a time etc. I was so impressed and a little bit jealous of how well behaved her kids were. I watched her talk to them and I realized she was extremely consistent in reminding them if they forgot one of the house rules but she wasnt very tough at all! Her children were also very respectful to adults. She spent a lot of energy and effort molding them into menchlach children..
When I came home after watching that I was determined to turn my kids into such menchen! It only took me a day or 2 to realize how different I am from her and thou I bh am a good wife and mother, a good daughter and bh have time for chessed, I dont really have the personality to bug my kids all day. I have more of a live and let live personality. So here is my question to all of you seasoned moms, do u think my kids have as good a chance to be well rounded, upstanding adults just by having good role models for parents even if they dont have the constant discipline???

groovy1224

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 11:00 am

Of course. There is a whole spectrum of healthy parenting, ranging from more or less disciplined. On either side you have the unhealthy extremes of too much discipline, and not enough. But in between there is plenty of room for each family to find the balance that works for them.

amother

Pewter

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 11:37 am

Op- Yes.
Do they respect you? Do they feel loved and heard? Do you model good middot?
My children are grown and BH awesome.
Did they eat outside the kitchen-yes.
Make beds-not consistently.
Clean their toys- sometimes, if I stressed how important it was to me (which only was at times like when we were having company).

But they were A students (tracked-not saying that they are brilliant). Have wonderful middot, and currently working in kiruv, geriatric health care, and special ed.

oneofakind

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 3:34 pm

My children have grown into wonderful adults Boruch Hashem but I know that my parenting would have been much easier and we would all have been happier if I would have disciplined more. If something drove me up a wall, I should have made a rule and make sure it was followed consistently rather than kvetch, complain, yell, etc. Better to put kids to sleep early Friday night because we couldn't make early Shabbos rather than have them stay up, fight, I yell, threaten, the whole meal ruined for everybody. Better have kids learn to clean up after themselves than me be a martyr and kill myself cleaning after them and be angry.