Regulation | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 1:42 am

Two of my kids most likely have ADHD - I'm working on specifically getting them diagnosed.

They really are great kids - they love to help, are generally pretty happy kids, can get into whatever they are doing for a long time.

However, they both have a really aggressive side and are super loud (seem wild). DS age 10 is really quick to use his hands, everything turns into a weapon, someone was bothering him and chasing him around the house so he picked up a knife (I know he was never going to use it and he was punished for that), and in general his tone of voice can sound really tough and aggressive.

DD age 7 is also really quick to use her hands - she'll squeeze whoever's near her when she's bored/frustrated, has a really hard time communicating what's bothering her and will instead get really wild and bother people until I end up punishing her. Once she's worked up she really can't calm down and I end up having to hold her really tight or dragging her to her room and holding the door.

Neither of them see the consequences of their actions at all or that when they are loud, aggressive, or wild what it seems like to the people around them and they always think it's someone else fault.

How do I teach them regulation and to see how their actions affect themselves and bring reactions from the people around them?

--They are really great kids and have tons of creativity and ideas, are full of life and spunk. They really will go far in life! I just want to help them now.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 10:00 am

Neither of them see the consequences of their actions at all

This is textbook ADHD. Their brains move so fast, that this part of the brain literally is not being involved in decision making. It's a much more advanced thought process. It's why teenage boys jump off of the roof and break an ankle. If you ask them if they thought about getting hurt, they will always answer "No, it just looked like a lot of fun."

In other words, NO SEICHEL! Impulsiveness is not something they can control on their own. That is why medication is so important. Once you get the right meds, THEN they will be more in a place to learn coping skills. Right now, their brains are all over the place, non stop. How do you teach regulation to someone like that?

Remember, kids live to please. If they could do better, they would be doing better. They are probably as frustrated with themselves as you are, and just as upset.

lilies

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 11:16 am

You can try teaching some breathing techniques and try the 'name 5' exercise; child needs to name 5 things they see, 5 things they hear around themselves.

But, none of these things work once the child is worked up. The rate of speed they reach from 0 to 100 is really dependent on many things. Work on your relationship and have fun together and see how that helps slow them down.

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 4:45 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thank you! That actually made me feel better. I'm working on getting them the right evaluation but I'm forever second-guessing my parenting and trying to figure out if I'll ever teach them properly. This totally gives me hope Wink

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 4:47 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Neurotransmitter issues. Read finally focused by dr. James Greenblatt for info on how to treat at the root. For us, removing gluten, dairy, food dyes, and treating with b complex, magnesium, gaba, l theanine and 5htp made all the difference.

Thanks but they are both my picky eaters. Removing so much of their food choices would just make the stress levels rise enormously around here Wink

I might try the supplements though.

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 4:48 pm

lilies wrote:

But, none of these things work once the child is worked up. The rate of speed they reach from 0 to 100 is really dependent on many things. Work on your relationship and have fun together and see how that helps slow them down.

Yup, they go from 0 to 100 in a second. I do notice that when we have a good time together, their behavior improves.