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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
OP
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:00 am
Do you compliment your daughters and tell them that they are pretty? Beautiful? Attractive?
Do you think its good for their self-esteem?
Do you think telling them this is against jewish values? Do you think it will cause ayin hora? Or do you think they will become conceited and arrogant?
Did your parents tell you that you are pretty?
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amother
Violet
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:02 am
Tell them they are pretty, but only after you've told them that they are strong and smart.
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allthingsblue
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:03 am
Your daughters should often be told they are beautiful just the way they are.
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amother
Babypink
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:04 am
You look strong, healthy, happy, glowing, that dress looks nice on you, I love how you did your makeup, etc
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shmosmom
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:04 am
amother [ Violet ] wrote: | Tell them they are pretty, but only after you've told them that they are strong and smart. |
I tell my daughter that she's gorgeous, especially after I see that she's made an effort to dress up. I also make sure to tell her that she's pretty even when she doesn't dress up. Like "mom, can I wear make up?" "You can, doll, but you're really pretty without it too. It's up to you. "
ETA- My parents often told me how smart, talented and pretty I am. Never did any harm.
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amother
Pewter
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:05 am
I don't tell my daughters they're attractive, I think this is a wrong thing to tell our daughters.
I tell them they're beautiful when it comes into the discussion. And I tell them they're beautiful just the way they are.
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:06 am
Sure. To me they are beautiful and I tell them all the time.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:11 am
No. Why would you say this? it's not important.
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octopus
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:12 am
Sure! Of course I tell them they are pretty or beautiful! Who else is going to tell them this? Is it the only praise I give them? No! I don't put emphasis on it but yes they should hear it.
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amother
Hotpink
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:18 am
Nobody ever told me that I was beautiful growing up. I was never good at anything and believe that if I would have known it could have given me some much needed self confidence.
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amother
Brunette
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Do you compliment your daughters and tell them that they are pretty? Beautiful? Attractive?
Do you think its good for their self-esteem?
Do you think telling them this is against jewish values? Do you think it will cause ayin hora? Or do you think they will become conceited and arrogant?
Did your parents tell you that you are pretty? |
Yes to all
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amother
Orchid
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:20 am
Pretty and beautiful, yes!
Attractive, no!
But it shouldn't be the only compliments you're giving them!
(Do you know any girl that doesn't want to be pretty?)
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amother
Babypink
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:23 am
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote: | Nobody ever told me that I was beautiful growing up. I was never good at anything and believe that if I would have known it could have given me some much needed self confidence. |
That’s the only thing I heard growing up, and I heard nothing related to my self worth. It’s harmful.
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amother
Cerise
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:31 am
My mom complimented us a lot on our looks. She still does. In fact, when I need chizzuk in that department, I know to visit her and I'll get my dose...
Being beautiful is very important to me and I guess she can feel that even though I never told her.
She compliments her kids based a lot on what is important to them.
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amother
Jade
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:38 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | That’s the only thing I heard growing up, and I heard nothing related to my self worth. It’s harmful. |
What was harmful is that you heard nothing else. It gives the kids confidence and self-esteem to hear good things about themselves both externally and internally.
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English3
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:42 am
I love it when people tell me I look pretty it gives me such confidence. Why not boost your child, never tell them that others love there pretty face rather that you think they are the prettiest beings BC they are your child.
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Zehava
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:54 am
I don’t comment on my children’s appearance, intelligence,behavior, or anything else really. Not for the good, and not for the bad. I think it’s condescending and puts pressure on them.
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amother
Sapphire
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:56 am
YES
definitely by both parents
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amother
Babypink
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:58 am
Zehava wrote: | I don’t comment on my children’s appearance, intelligence,behavior, or anything else really. Not for the good, and not for the bad. I think it’s condescending and puts pressure on them. |
Same. I’ll never say “you’re so smart” when they do well in school. Instead I’ll comment on how proud they must feel or how I noticed how hard they worked. I’ll never say “good girl/ good boy/ good job”. Instead I’ll thank them if it was something that was for me, or I’ll simply state what I observed, and maybe I’ll throw in that Friend X must feel so good now because you shared with them/ helped them out/ returned their missing item.
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octopus
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Sun, Jan 10 2021, 11:00 am
They are already getting pressure to be smart and beautiful in school and in society. It doesn't have to be overly done but even a rare compliment in this department can really boost them. I feel like either extreme over complimenting or never complimenting is not good for the kids. Always aim for balance.
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