My mornings are insane

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, May 16 2023, 7:41 am

My boys wake up literally within minutes of the bus coming. I wake them up like seven times before they actually get up and it’s a screaming rush for the bus. They aren’t going to sleep early but it’s not like they are going crazy late, and they simply aren’t tired before they do. they just can’t get up in the mornings and I end up getting so so so stressed. They dash out the door sometimes as the bus is pulling up to the corner and never eat anything so I’m officially sending my kids to school hungry. I’m so not ok with this and I don’t know what to do. And they are 11 and 8

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, May 16 2023, 7:44 am

Can they sleep in their clothes and eat something prepared on the bus?

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, May 16 2023, 7:48 am

You need your husband to step up & help
My kids were similar till my husband took over morning routine .
Take all tips you can get , not saying those don’t help….but sometimes when it’s not you … things go smoother

amother

Midnight

Tue, May 16 2023, 9:45 am

I need to recuperate after all kids have left....
OP, you can prepare breakfast for them to take on the bus. Lay out all their clothing the night before.
More the clock in their room to 15 minutes later then it really is.

amother

Starflower

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:16 pm

I second preparing a portable breakfast the night before and packing it in their schoolbags.

Plus you could try the Marine Corps method of getting them going: strip the covers off them, roll them onto the floor, and spritz cold water in their faces. A few days of this ought to do the trick.

BrisketBoss

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:21 pm

Have you tried skipping the first six of those seven wake ups? I'm curious. I watched my mother go through this struggle with my sister for years and I think my sister's mindset was kind of "I know she's waking me up early and she'll come back to do it again anyway, so there's no real urgency."

tzipis

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:22 pm

My 10 year old son is impossible to get out of bed. His bus comes at 7:40 and I begin waking him up at 7:15. I end up screaming like a witch and that seems to scare him into moving. I learned that he'll get out of bad faster if I remind him of something good/fun happening that day (I.e. Its a half day, it's sunny and beautiful weather, it's rosh chodesh, you have something new to wear...) If he really complains he's tired, I'll bribe him with an occasional coffee (1/2 tsp of coffee). Makes him feel big and mature. No time for breakfast, so I hand him a ziploc bag of cereal to take with him. He seems to like it and snacks on it until class starts.

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:26 pm

By this age, they could take a little responsibility for themselves.
Sit with them and make a list of all the things they need to do in the morning and how long each one takes.
Then work out which things could be done the night before, eg packing bags and laying out their clothes.
Calculate together with them what time they need to get up. Arrange with them what time you will wake them up.
When you wake them up, open the blinds/curtains , switch the light on and pull off their quilts/covers.
Be really chirpy and positive and sing a loud over-happy modeh ani song.
Have something on the table they can grab for breakfast on the way - a few crackers or bribe them with a healthy muffin if they are ready on time.
Good luck! I think hating mornings is universal!!
PS best tip is to get up before all the kids if possible, with enough time to have a coffee and daven Brochos in peace . Makes a massive difference to my mornings.

amother

Ruby

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:39 pm

s1 wrote:

PS best tip is to get up before all the kids if possible, with enough time to have a coffee and daven Brochos in peace . Makes a massive difference to my mornings.

Yesssss! I find when I've had a few minutes to myself in peace before the kids are awake, it makes such a difference. When I'm calm, things run more smoothly. What also helps is being prepared with all their clothes laid out, and their bags packed and I'm not running around, where is the other shoe, where is your homework bag, or your homework and so on.
And I love breakfast muffins. I make a big batch and keep them in the freezer and the kids can just grab a muffin and a cup of milk and they've had something to eat and drink, even when we're running late.

amother

Tue, May 16 2023, 12:57 pm

Ok I think I’m the problem lol. I wake them up from my bed… I know I know but I’m pregnant and so tired myself. So no chipper modeh ani happening. And breakfast packed the night before sounds like a dream.

mha3484

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:02 pm

My 12 year old has to be on the bus at 7:25 and he eats after minyan. So ALL HE HAS TO DO IS GET DRESSED and still misses the bus half the time. I start waking him at 6:50. Sometimes I send my 2 year old in to sit on him. This age is just the worst.

I am up and making lunches and trying to drink my coffee and he still wont get up.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

No. I’m sorry. That’s not waking them up. You or your husband need to be properly up and waking them up in person. Shouting from
Your bed absolutely doesn’t count.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:09 pm

I wake my kids very early. It’s worth it.
Whom are we kidding, we’ll be tired anyway. That extra 20 min sleep won’t help much.
Get up half hour earlier and wake them.
It’s up to you to make your mornings calmer.

amother

Mayflower

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:19 pm

I think this is pretty normal, this was definitely what my mornings looked like growing up even with my mother coming in to the room many times to wake me up. guess what, I'm a morning person now lol, growing kids just like to sleep in plus school is not all that exciting to wake up for. Regarding packing a breakfast, There are things you can pack that dont require energy or work, for example a granola or breakfast bar. probably not the best but its better then nothing. find a brand they like and all you have to do is remember to stock it in the pantry and place it in there bag.
you can try interesting alarm clocks, like one that you need to run around the room and catch to close. or even just an alarm clock generally, they will probably just cover there ears and try to go back to sleep but its not the same sleep anymore= more awake when they get up.
You can also try allowing them to miss the bus on a Friday and having them learn the consequence, just make sure they have a really boring morning Smile

you can also try a chart, for the 8 year old especially, if they get up by a certain time for a certain amount of days they get something.

amother

Copper

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:25 pm

What time do they need to be at the bus stop

Things that might help:
1. Keep the blinds up so that the sun light wakes them
2. Buy a sunlight alarm clock
3. Set clock 20 minutes ahead
4. Someone needs to physically wake them up
Gently stand them up

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ah this is such a hard stage! Don’t blame yourself! Explain to your boys and give them the responsibility. Maybe they can take turns to bring you a coffee in the morning? They should get their breakfast bar ready the night before. Incentives/rewards for being up by a certain time? Can dh go in and open the blinds before he goes to shacharis? Or rearrange his schedule a little to help you over the hectic time?

amother

Lilac

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:41 pm

s1 wrote:

Lol I tried that once and I nearly got lynched!

I have a son that age too who has a really hard time waking up. Our mornings were crazy with me desolving into yelling after too long of trying to get him up, dh taking over and him losing it too.

I decided our method obviously wasn't working and he was still late too many mornings so 1 morning I let him sleep. The first time he thought it was cool he got a day off. After a couple more times he realised that actually it's not so cool. Being home all day himself was very boring plus he missed learning and had to catch up.
He asked me for an alarm clock, he chose one that rings and vibrates. I also go into his room and wake him up once. Only once. I tell him what time he should be downstairs and what time he needs to leave the house. And then I leave him. bh most mornings now he is on time.

Tldr once I left it all in his control, he realised the consequences and figured out on his own how to get ready on time. But he is 11, I wouldn't do that to my 8yr old I think that's still too young.

amother

Apricot

Tue, May 16 2023, 1:57 pm

What time are they going to bed?
I know it's not fashionable for kids nowadays to get enough sleep, but they would all be a lot healthier and learn a lot better if they did. (not just taking about your kids)
They may not appear tired in the evening but that's doesn't mean they aren't tired. There bodies have just got used to going to sleep at a certain time.
We are bringing up a sleep deprived generation and then we wonder why so many kids have adhd and can't focus.

BrisketBoss

Tue, May 16 2023, 2:01 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

The biological clock really does shift around adolescence. Kids naturally get tired later and it's a crying shame that they have to wake up so early for school.

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