Feeling like a failure

oakandfig19

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 10:57 pm

I definitely recommend a pediatric GI. My son wasn’t gaining weight well until we started seeing one. It’s important to figure out what’s causing the lack of weight gain. Underweight babies are more likely to be delayed on gross motor skills. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong, it’s so hard. But I think seeing a specialist will help a lot.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 12:05 am

my baby is 12 months, weighs the same 17 pounds a dr. not concerned bec she eating well.

as to your baby's delays, dont let anyone, including yourself blame you for your child's delays. as a parent of more than 1 child with developmental delays, people keep telling me if u wld do a,b or c your child would be fine....I bh have one regular developing child and I saw that this child did not need to be taught every milestone, was a pleasure to take care of, I wasn't being called a helicopter mom bec this child didn't have insane anxiety like my other ones and was perfectly happy around new friendly faces....
get your child either thru govm programs or insurance a full eval and start therapy in wtvr areas are needed.
and be kind to yourself- a difficult, slow to develop baby is rough!!

amother

Garnet

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 1:43 am

It's kind of impossible to get EI in canada... my doctor says that by the time you'll be approved after 6 months or a year, the issue might be gone lol.
As a mom living in canada, you gotta be your child's advocate. when you go back to the pediatrician, insist on seeing a specialist. Don't leave before you get a referral. If you have to shell out your own money to go see a private therapist, do so; even for one appt.
Also, I personally would go to a craniosacral therapist(osteopath)- extremely effective at this age, and can help a lot for motor development and growth.
Let me know if need recomendations; if you are in Toronto I know a fantastic PT and CST.
good luck!

amother

Dimgray

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 4:14 am

amother OP wrote:

About therapy- my baby also has huge fear around strangers (which I also feel is my fault 😭)
Anyone have any experience with taking their babies for OT/PT in such a case? I imagine my baby will be screaming the whole time uncooperative around a stranger.

My baby also has a severe fear of strangers. My oldest didn't. So it is definitely child dependent, as we are the same parents. This isn't your fault either, it is normal, especially at this age!

When we take her to PT, if she objects to the PT working with her, the PT demonstrates for us with a life size doll and then I do the exercise with my baby while the PT guides me. She also brings out fun toys to give the baby something to focus on. This works well and the baby is usually pretty calm. Mostly, we do exercises at home every day and go in every 1-4 weeks as needed. So it can be done even with major stranger anxiety!

I encourage you to do it. They can show you how to do tummy time in a way that the baby won't scream or maybe figure out what is uncomfortable for the baby and help you fix it.

amother

Dimgray

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 4:18 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you for all the suggestions!
In regards to tummy time, he screams every time I put him on his stomach. And I can't handle hearing him cry like that so I pick him up. Which is probably why he doesn't crawl 😬

Like I wrote above, PT can help you figure out how to do tummy time with less screaming. But even 20 seconds a few times a day can be a good start, and you can build it up from there. Getting special toys for tummy time that are easy to play with while lying down can also help.

Also, even if you don't give tummy time, it is not your fault that your baby isn't crawling! Babies will crawl when they are ready, even those who sit will eventually get into crawling position on their own. But best to go for PT to help, it will make you and your baby more comfortable.

amother

Dimgray

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 4:21 am

amother OP wrote:

Can someone even have ppd so long postpartum? My baby is already 11 months.

Yes. With my first, I had PPD and PPA (post partum anxiety) but I was too afraid to do anything about it. Finally, 18 months post partum, I still had PPD and PPA and I finally went to get help. In hindsight, I should have gone sooner.

For my current baby, I went after 2-3 months, because I realized I had PPD and PPA again. Now after several months of treatment, I feel mostly back to myself and I am finally enjoying my baby and feeling happy.

I really encourage you to get help. If you are in Israel, you can call the Nitza organization, they are wonderful. 02-5004523

amother

Acacia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 4:25 am

amother OP wrote:

99.9% of babies have fears of adults it is not your fault.
I found it especially stronger with the baby that went often to Dr's.
When my 9 month was in urgent care for high fever the were sure she had menegitis as the first test they did was touch her neck and she screamed. Only after a few tries of me touching her when she thought they were out the room she didn't scream. They still weren't convinced. Leaving the hospital we had to take her blood pressure ourself as everytime they entered the room it shoot up to dangerous levels.

She is 2 now and still hates adults including my father but it's getting better.
When we took her for an eye test several month ago.(as a baby they had seen something in the test that needed checking) she was screaming and kicking and then grabbed the poor eye Dr's checker and chucked it across the room.
If you are going to a place for children therapy I can guarantee they have had it before but as long as they are not extra stressed that day they won't flinch from it. At most they will tell you what to do at home to help instead of doing it themselves.

For tummy time lie on your tummy facing her. Count to 20 if she cries and then pick her up. The next day till 25 Etc. Talk to her whilst she cries and say mommy is with you.
Remind yourself you are doing it for her good.

OP you are the best mommy this princess can ever have.

amother

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:29 am

amother Garnet wrote:

I figured it might not be so easy in Canada. The wait time her is crazy for everything. My doctor seemed so reluctant to give a referral and I'm not sure why. I don't have any private insurance but would pay out of pocket so he can get what he needs.
I am in Toronto if you have someone you could recommend that would be great!

amother

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:32 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

One day at a time
Find a mentor you trust

I wish I knew someone like this but wouldn't even know where to start to get a mentor. I'm quiet by nature and I find it really hard to reach out for help. But I know as my baby and future children get older I'm going to need lots of support chinuch wise.

BatZion

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:12 am

Dearest OP,
I have no words of wisdom.
I just wanted to say: Trust yourself. Love yourself. You are a caring momma. You want the best for your child. Take the great advice from the experienced mommas here and search out professional help for you and your baby. Trust your gut. It's so hard with a first child. Many of us experienced that anxiety and feeling that everyone else 'knows' what's right for our child while we have no idea. It's ok. More than anything it sounds like you have a real, gut feeling that your baby is not developing normally and you should push to get him seen. And it sounds like you're dealing with a lot psychologically, too. Please do share with your therapist and see how you can help yourself. You are NOT a failure and you are NOT failing your child. You're wonderful. Please be brave enough to request help for yourself and your baby.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:53 am

This isnt any practical advice but I just want to say how inspired I am by how much you care about your baby. Rocking your baby every hour all night? Wanting the best for her? Caring about her development so much? This baby is extremely lucky to have you as a mommy. Wow. You are amazing and I am really inspired by your dedication and care!

amother

Garnet

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:26 am

amother OP wrote:

sure. craniosacral therapy- 416-444-2125. footprints therapy. ask for Teema , if shes not available, go for samara. I hiighly reccomend you dont wait on this one. it is so important.
they have other therapy modalities at the same clinic, havent used, but they are a reputable clinic.

or you can go to TS Frankel, she is fantastic EI therapist. I don't have her number sorry, but you can contact KCC.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 12:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm an OT and I work with babies. I never ask parents to leave, and much of the time it's the parent working with the child while I provide support, explanation, and make modifications. Once the baby warms up to me I can be more hands on. But I don't have screaming babies in my sessions.

There's a lot going on with your baby, and I think you will find that the therapist who is working with you will be able to help you understand your baby and what will work for him.

amother

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Cappuccino wrote:

Thanks for this. What I've been told about my rocking is that it's dysfunctional and I'm doing my baby a disservice by not allowing him to cry it out..
It's not easy, but for me its easier than hearing him screaming.

amother

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 1:37 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

Thank you for the recs! Now I at least know where to start

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 3:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Everyone has their own opinion, others will say that crying it out is dysfunctional! I think it's so lovely for your baby to be rocked. Over time you may want to look into gentle sleep training so you get some more sleep, or not! It's your choice, you're the (fantastic) mother, who is inspiring me! In the meantime, your little baby is being rocked in its mother's arms multiple times a night, and whenever it cries in the night and wants comfort it is getting looked after. That to me is very special. You should be proud of yourself. And if you want to gently sleep train at some point, that's also great! Just know you're doing great and you sound like a really caring and nurturing mom.