Pls help me get the to the bottom of my daughter's issues

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 9:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Where am I meant to start? Evaluation? Also OT? I really don't know how to about this...

In my case, the school directed me to a therapy center that they recommended and I just did an OT evaluation. For a full neuro psych work up, your dr probably could give you a recommendation, but I never went down that route.

amother

Camellia

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 9:58 pm

That's my five year old ds. And I share my parenting doubts with you. He has pandas. He's been in a fairly good place for a long while with no strep again and behaviors slowed down. But recently he is ridiculous in a fight all day. I was told by an evaluator that he's in fight and flight mode and makes so much sense. blaming and yelling and he is physically hitting me cause he can't find something or he got hurt or whatever minor thing .We have had some doubts of maybe asd but I wonder if his being so rigid and Jack of understanding or negotiating Will fade when his pandas is healed. And I am also having this huge question Mark being that I definitely know I need to let go ignore negatives and not be mechanich Now cause he is telling one all day that I am bullying and hurting him if I give a reasonable consequence. So yes if only needs love now and no strict hand but what about those big bad behaviors like physically hurting his mom cause he's upset or his sibling. Should I ignore and not comment? What is he absorbing in the mean time? How about the younger kids you can't explain to them he's sick in the mind so we are not dressing until he is healed... How can a youngster not learn that this behavior is tolerated and they will also feel unloved if only then get a consequence when hitting...

amother

Maroon

Mon, Feb 12 2024, 10:05 pm

Sounds like she might be a deeply feeling child. My daughter is and your description hits home to me. I’d recommend that you check out Dr Becky Kennedy’s Instagram page , book, and E-classes.
Kids with this can be misdiagnosed and get the wrong treatment, when a (very) specific parenting approach might be all you need.

amother

Seablue

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:20 pm

I have a daughter similar issues, rigidity, obsessiveness, anxiety etc
I spoke to a therapist and we got to the bottom of it that she is behind in language and motor skills and falling behind in kindergarten
this is causing her to act out at home as she feels "lost" at playgroup, she wants to feel in control for something at home.
for example, she needs her certain pajamas, and needs her shnitzel not touching her potatoes
at least she feels in control that way...
I am getting her help in language and OT and we are hoping that as she gets better integrated ans part of it at school the obsessiveness and rigidity will melt away...

I am not sayiing this is what your daughter has, I am just describing my journey in case it can shed some light on yours!!
much hatzlocha!!

LovesHashem

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I did mention to my husband a couple of days ago that I'm worried maybe she has ASD.

I don't know how she would get evaluated though since she'll just act all sweet and cute at the appointment. She wouldn't show any of these behaviors to a complete stranger.

She also doesn't have any problem with eye contact which I know is a biggie for ASD.

A proper evaluation isn't about how you act. It's about how you perceive the world, think, your instant reactions etc. It's not possible to just act nicely through it. It's hard for me to explain.

Eye contact is a huge stereotype. Females mask and present differently than boys and often make eye contact.

But also there's a lot of crossover with ADHD. I'd get her evaluated for sure.

LovesHashem

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:54 pm

I also want to touch of the many posters suggesting anxiety. It's very common females with ASD or ADD get misgianosed with having anxiety. (They may have some anxiety as well but the main thing isnt that) because these diagnoses present completely different in girls and women and up until recently they were mainly studied in boys.

I know quite a few mainstreamed girls ages 7-11 whose parents were sure it was anxiety and we're diagnosed with ASD in the past year or two.

I someone with ASD I can try to explain the main differences. A kid may have a meltdown, and I'll explain the difference of its stemming from anxiety or ASD. For example a meltdown not to use a public toilet that's self flushing, someone I know was sure it was from anxiety but it was clear to me it's a sensory thing. The toilet will self flush and make a loud noise and you do not have any idea when it will happen. It's very alarming and it's 100% a sensory issue not anxiety.

Another example is how the react. An 9 year old Israel kid who is overwhelmed going to an american ice cream store for the first time and sees more flavors than they ever new existed and must make a decision and is overwhelmed, how do they react?

If they are having a full blown meltdown with screaming and freaking out - that's completely not age appropriate, I don't think that's anxiety. A child of that age with anxiety would just walk out or say they can't pick, shut down but not start completely freaking out and screaming.

These are two small examples where you can see the differences I believe between something like ASD and anxiety.

Of course I'm not a doctor so it's important to get a real eval, but I wouldn't real out ASD or ADD especially if in a case where alot of meltdowns are stemming from sensory issues.