no interest at 3+ | Imamother

yedidya's mom

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 10:50 am

My daughter turned 3 in September and is not toilet-trained at all. Not even close. We have been talking abt it/working on it/ sitting on potty for almost a year now. In the beginning she would sit on the potty or toilet but never actually made. I tried to be very low pressure abt it but it seems to have back-fired.
Recently she has started refusing to even try sitting on the toilet. I am really tired of this and am trying to be more aggressive. She is pushing back and having tantrums and keeps saying she is not ready because she is not big.
I know this is a control issue and she will need to decide that she is ready to sit but she is just too old for this. I honestly just cannot stand changing her diapers anymore...
any ideas?
btw- havent been on here in a while so hi everyone Very Happy

cindy324

Sun, Dec 13 2009, 10:06 pm

I had the same exact issue. DD turned 3 in September of 2007, did not get trained until April of 08 when she was 3 and half.

I think that for some kids it's the change they dislike. She was going to school and every kid her age was making in the toilet and she did not care that she was still in diapers. (Luckily her morahs didn't mind changing diapers as there were many younger kids in the group)

So when she still wasn't trained by March, I put my foot down and decided that she'll get trained during Pesach vacation (had 2+weeks off)

She wanted this huge Dora house BAAAADLY. DH bought it for her left it in the box, so she can only stare at the box but could not touch it until she put on panties (did I mention she wouldn't even HEAR about putting on panties??) Then I told her that if she makes in the underwear instead of the toilet, she'll get her house taken away and we will not join her friend at the park. She peed in it twice, we took away toy, told her sorry no park and the third time she actually came to me and told me she has to make. The whole thing took literally 1 day!!!

I should also mention that she was very afraid of making #2 in the toilet and wanted to put on a diaper just for that. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS!!! You will stuck doing thi severy time she has to make #2, it happened to my friend that's why I knew not to let her get away with it. By the third day she had to let it go and she actually made #2 in the toilet.

Basically at this age it's not that they're not ready, they're just afraid of the change. Wait until she has a few days off from school, stay home with her until she's going like a big girl.

cindy324

Sun, Dec 13 2009, 10:08 pm

Quote:

I told her in 2 weeks we are throwing out all the diapers and that will be it

I forgot to mention that when you're actually doing the "throwing away", make sure you hide them real well, she's going to go looking for it. Don't let her find them, keep telling her that you used them all up.

yedidya's mom

Mon, Dec 14 2009, 1:04 pm

I am going to try and hide them except I have an 11 month old who kind of still needs his diapers Smile

It's comforting to hear that others have dealt with this and gotten through it. I definitely think this is a behavioral/control thing. She keeps telling me she is not big enough to go to the toilet. Typical middle child who wants to be taken care of like her baby brother..

sky

Mon, Dec 14 2009, 1:35 pm

Ds turned 3 in May and wasn't toilet trained until August. Nothing I could do would get him to use the toilet and I had really given up. I bought the book 'toilet training in less than a day' (it was recommended on imamother). I didn't really follow the book but I did buy the doll that makes and did discuss with dh what was happening. One day on his own he got really interested in the doll making and decided to try it on his own. Since that time he has not had one accident. I think he was just ready at that point.

imasinger

Mon, Dec 14 2009, 2:02 pm

Here are some things that helped us:

- Have a really good toy or toys that are only available for playing with when she's making her potty try.

- Pick a meaningful reward for immediately after she tries, if she produces. If she doesn't produce, praise her for trying.

- Keep a record of when she goes, whether in the potty or in the diaper, so that you get some idea of her schedule and when she is likely to need.

- Take her on a regular schedule, perhaps every half hour or hour.

- Make sure she is comfortable. Some kids do best on a little potty, some do better with a stool on the big one.

- Let her pick out her underwear before your start date, so she is invested in the process.

Best of luck! Please update with your progress.