The hitting stage?

princessmommy

Mon, Mar 07 2005, 7:04 am

My 20 month old son hits kids for seemingly no reason. He is not being possesive of toys or anything-he just randomly goes over to other kids and pushes or smacks them. He goes to a playgroup and the Morah has started to complain a bit. I really dont want him to be asked to leave the playgroup!
He is generally a very sweet and gentle natured kid...We give him lots of love and attention, and are not sure exactly why he is acting up.prob a stage...but
any suggestions? Rolling Eyes

Pearl

Mon, Mar 07 2005, 7:22 am

first of all, let the records show that I am NOT an professional child educator, just a mom of 3 Smile

hitting etc at that age is so common! in stead of complaining, I would think that a morah of a playgroup has plenty experience and education in order to deal with it, or to recognise the need to discuss it with you as a parent, if it would be out of the ordinary...
as far as I know, almost every child at that age hits, bites or kicks. I assume that he doesn't talk? because usually the physical "violence" is a sign of frustration, cause the chid can't express itself in words yet. also, their "personal space" is very important to them. a toddler is the center of his/her universe - having other toddlers in that universe can be extremely confusing to them. at that age, they are not capable of making friends - he can play with moishe one day, and hit him the second day...
if you feel very uncomfortable about it, talk to the morah, who, in my opinion, should be unbiased. if he hits the same kid over and over again, then maybe there is a problem, maybe something happened? try and find out!
my second was bitten (!) in the cheak by a girl, until blood came out. fortunately, my child had all vaccinations, otherwise she would have had a tetanus injection, as the mouth of a child is dirtier than a dogs !!!, but she did need antibiotics!
my child, a few months later, bit a boy in the arm ( embarrassed

), no blood fortunately, but the morah did tell me, as she should, and we kept a close eye on her, but it never happened again, b'h.

good luck, princessmommy!

Pearl

Mon, Mar 07 2005, 8:50 am

really like your picture there!

maybe you feel insecure about the whole thing? don't be, it's perfectly normal....I hope you can have a pleasant talk with the morah about it, she should be able to advise you on how to take it from here. time out never worked by us at that age.....at this point can't remember what did, if I'll remember I will let you know!
good luck!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Mar 09 2005, 12:27 pm

I think he probably gets a kick out the reaction of the chld and the adult.

Assuming that your child is an average toddler, all he needs is:
- more positive attention (see hug therapy)
- positive praise for being good (not: u didn't hit anybody today! but Look how nicely u r playing w/ so&so, & so&so is so happy to play with such a nice boy like u)
- minimum attention at the time of the offence:
a. attend to the hurt person 1st
b. do not make a big deal
c. be serious & administer a time-out w/ out extra noise, attention
d. have his apologise/ make nice
e. re-inforce that hitting hurts, we make nice & demonstrate planty throughout the day, not only when punished

Good luck!

Yael

Thu, Mar 10 2005, 3:27 pm

my 2 1/2 yr old also pushes for no reason. it makes me crazy b/c its really for absolutely no reason, just walks over to a baby sitting nicely and knocks him over. he talks plenty. and is NOT a violent or aggressive kid.
what I do is remind him really often that he is not allowed to push. I warn him over and over, and if he ends up pushing he gets time out, it works for him. I dont know if a 20 mo. old would understand it though.

you should just know that you are not the only one with this problem.

juggler

Tue, Mar 22 2005, 4:04 am

My son also used to hit other children occasionally out of frustration because he could not commmunicate effectively and so he was frustrated. I used to try to help him get his message across, but every time he woult hit a child randomly, I would tell him, you must like the way that feels if you did it to someone else, try hitting yourself. He obviously did not like it, and got the point. I also used to give him suggestions as to "safe places" to vent his frustration, I.e. go hit the wall, or the trampoline, or your bed. If you must bite (a whole 'nother issue) bite the teething ring- or yourself (bh never did, but he definitely got the message).
Ask the teacher if she can notices a pattern as to when the hitting occurs- is it when the child is hungry or tired already, when the room gets overwhelming during free play, when he wants specific toys... that might clue you both in on part of the problem, bringing you that much closer to a solution.
Bottom line is, it's normal.