Trying to forgive you for stealing my housekeeper

amother

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 3:21 pm

I am really trying hard to be dan lekaf zechus.
You didn't know she was working elsewhere.
(That's why you offered her $11 when everyone knows everyone around here gets $10.)

And I shouldn't take it personally that after working for me for over 10 years, she didn't at least come back to me & ask for a raise, which I gladly would have given.

And you thought that since she's been working for you for 5 years (and cutting my hours to come to you) that you had her first & you had every right to demand more hours so I ended up with none.

And you probably thought I am a spoiled JAP & that's why I have her. You don't realize that I have health issues and really can't manage my home without considerable help.

And I've been through four others since before Purim trying to find someone who could replace her. And believe me I don't have the energy to train these new people.

So any other ideas on how to be dan lekaf zechus would be much appreciated. Or apologies. Or other chizuk. Thanks.

abby1776

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 5:11 pm

Maybe she has health issues also?
Or a child with health issues that takes up her time.

Maybe it has nothing to do with her - maybe your cleaning woman didnt like working for you because you were too demanding or made her clean floors on her hands and knees or some other demeaning work and the cleaning lady said to the other woman, I would much rather work for you can you give me a raise and I will switch to you full time.

You have no idea what happened.

anon for this

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 5:51 pm

I'm sorry OP. It's possible that the housekeeper approached her, rather than the other way around, because she saw an opportunity to get a raise and perhaps thought you wouldn't offer it. Maybe your housekeeper preferred to work for one person, which is probably easier than working for two. Maybe the other person lives closer to the housekeeper's home, and the housekeeper wanted a shorter commute.

I admire you for trying to be DLK"Z, and hope that you find another housekeeper soon, one who will work out even better for you.

Miri1

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:06 pm

Here's a different perspective: My household help has been coming to me for about two and half year now, and I've been feeling for a while that I'd like to give her a small raise. She's reliable, pleasant and does a great job. Should I not do so because her other employers will have to keep up with me?

momX4

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:34 pm

Miri1 wrote:

Tip her holiday time and pesach time. It is unfair for you to give her more money per hour.

amother

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:37 pm

I basically shared my employee with another woman, we each had her for a few hours daily.

When she asked me for a raise, I always called the other employer to make sure we gave a consistent answer. (I hope that's not considered price-fixing? Or subject to anti-trust laws?)

But we always treated her well.

Right, she is not a possession, but deliberately hiring someone away from someone else is not ethical.

33055

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:37 pm

momX4 wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

Tip her holiday time and pesach time. It is unfair for you to give her more money per hour.

Why is it unfair?

momX4

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:43 pm

Squishy wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

Tip her holiday time and pesach time. It is unfair for you to give her more money per hour.

Why is it unfair?

My cleaning help raised her price by $2 and hour. I couldn't afford it anymore, so I have no household help currently. She was shared by many neighbors, and everyone else had to pay more because of one person. This is unfair.

abby1776

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 7:45 pm

momX4 wrote:

Squishy wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

Tip her holiday time and pesach time. It is unfair for you to give her more money per hour.

Why is it unfair?

That is capitalism. This is the United States. Your cleaning lady wanted to pay more. She asked to be paid more, she doesnt have to work for you if you wont pay her rates. Isnt your cleaning lady entitled to a living wage, its hard work cleaning and $10 an hour doesnt go very far, and neither does $12. But doesnt she deserve to be able to pay her rent and buy her kids new clothes too.

groovy1224

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 8:08 pm

amother wrote:

And I shouldn't take it personally that after working for me for over 10 years, she didn't at least come back to me & ask for a raise, which I gladly would have given.

If she was working by you for 10 years, and by her for 5, than how was she working by the friend first?

imasinger

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 8:49 pm

It isn't your friend's fault that the cleaning lady didn't give you a chance to bid more.

Can you go to this friend and explain what has happened with your inability to find someone? Maybe there could be a compromise, if the lady were willing to come to you part of the time again.

momX4

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 8:56 pm

abby1776 wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Squishy wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Miri1 wrote:

Tip her holiday time and pesach time. It is unfair for you to give her more money per hour.

Why is it unfair?

There are TWO separate issues.

1) If the cleaning lady asks for a raise on her own I am ok with that.

2) If you pay her more money with consulting all the people that share her. In my neighborhood we share 2 cleaning ladies. When someone offered her more money, she raised her rates by everyone. If one person just decides to tip her because company made a massive mess, or kids destroyed the playroom again, she wont ask everyone else to give her more.

imasinger

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 9:05 pm

I disagree with you, momx4. That kind of consulting strikes me as both illegal and immoral.
If one person offers a cleaner a raise, and then she asks it of others whom she works for, they can choose to pay the increase, or refuse and risk her walking away. Everyone has a choice. By a group all agreeing not to give her a raise because one or a few people don't want to match it, everyone's options are more limited, and the cleaner loses out all around.

amother

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 9:22 pm

Hmm. I pay my cleaning lady $10/hour. However I also give her $5 extra for travel expenses, and $5 extra for tip. If you would divide it by hour, she ends up getting about $11.50 per hour. I made sure to explain to her that I'm giving her $10 an hour and the rest is for fare and a tip because I did not want her to feel like I was paying more. On the other hand...I do end up paying more and BH she keeps coming back. I was tired of so many housekeepers quitting after a few weeks or months. Now I wonder if most ladies are secretly paying $11/hour and that is why my housekeepers kept quitting until I started this little extra tip shpiel.

oliveoil

Tue, Jun 04 2013, 9:24 pm

Wow - this thread is truly shocking!

Housekeepers are not possessions. Your housekeeper can work for whoever she wants whenever she wants, no matter who hired her first!

And this business of a raise being "unfair" to others? I'm horrified! She can charge what she wants, and you can choose to pay it or not.