Helping an ill relative, yay or nay?

amother

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 4:55 pm

If you knew a relative was sick with the flu and was also a mother of a large family what would you/ should you do to help out?
Or would you do nothing unless asked.
Lets say the husband was either away or also sick. And the kids are not old enough to take over.

boysrus

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 5:05 pm

if it was me, and I was in a position to be able to help, I would call up , ask how she is feeling, offer to make her somthing for shabbos, ask if I can do any shopping for her if I was anwyay going, offer to have her kids over to my house if I knew itwould work well for the kids.

myself

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 5:39 pm

amother wrote:

Why don't you ask her! Even if she doesn't need any help she will be immensely grateful that you were thinking of her. (FYI, Many people don't reach out for help even when desperate)

Emotional

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 5:47 pm

amother wrote:

What is the question coming from?
Are you sick ch"v and frustrated because relatives know you're sick and aren't offering to help?
If it's you're relative who is sick & you are in a position to help, why are you hesitating?

Liba

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 5:57 pm

If I knew they were sick and I was up for doing so, I would offer to bring over a meal. I would be wary of spending much time there though, since I am a bit germaphobic. Smile

It would be nice to offer more help than just a meal if you can though...

Emotional

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 6:05 pm

Liba wrote:

If I knew they were sick and I was up for doing so, I would offer to bring over a meal. I would be wary of spending much time there though, since I am a bit germaphobic. Smile

It would be nice to offer more help than just a meal if you can though...

When I was sick with fever a few years ago, a neighbor took my kids to her house and I was able to sleep for a few hours... it was an unforgettable chessed.

ElTam

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 6:29 pm

Yes, I would. What help I could offer would depend on how I was managing and whether everyone in my house was vaccinated for the flu.

amother

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 7:25 pm

Emotional wrote:

What is the question coming from?
Are you sick ch"v and frustrated because relatives know you're sick and aren't offering to help?

Yes
And I am trying to be dan lkaf zchus.

MiracleMama

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 7:29 pm

I always have some chicken soup in the freezer to share with a sick friend or relative. Beyond that, it is often very hard to offer more. I'm struggling myself on a daily basis.

Emotional

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 7:29 pm

amother wrote:

Yes
And I am trying to be dan lkaf zchus.

If that's the case, you have incredible middos, even while sick.
PM me with your location, if you want.
Maybe I can help somehow, or if I know someone who lives in your area I can contact them and see if they can be of any help.
It's SO HARD to be a mommy when you're sick. I know how it feels.

amother

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 8:08 pm

If I was able to help, I would send food or help with kids. Especially I would try to if they were so desperate they even asked.

But it is good if you are dlz because you really never know what goes on even in the lives of close friends or relatives because many people don't share everything.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 8:12 pm

op, I'm sorry you're not feeling well. could it be that your relative isn't aware that you are sick? news doesn't always travel as well as you'd expect. it's also possible that she just can't help you right now. she might make an effort if you request help anyway.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 8:35 am

Some people are very proud and won't take help or will be hurt, and these same people could also not help because they don't mean to hurt you. Just a dlkz idea.

imasinger

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 8:44 am

Refuah shleima, OP.

It really is OK to ask for help from family when you need it or want it.

Yes, it implies imposition, but that is sometimes better than carrying hurt in your heart. Call up one and ask if they can spare some chicken soup, and maybe one more to buy you some challah. Get your DH to pitch in if possible. If he is sick at home, maybe he can do a little something. If he is away, maybe he can make phone calls.

Keep the meals simple, and buy what you can.

I also am fighting flu today, and that's what I am doing.

myself

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 8:50 am

Sometimes family don't realise the implications of your being sick. Perhaps they are overwhelmed themselves and therefore haven't come forward, or you sound better then you really are so they don't realise how desperately you need help. Either way it's hard, frustrating and lonely.

Feel better!!! Hug