Principle threatening my DD

amother

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 6:14 pm

My DD and DS go to a small school for their learning difficulties. Today my dd came home yelling that the menahals said that if she doesnt do a certain page in her homework she will send her home by herself.

I live 30 min walking distance from school. My DD is 8. The menahas knows my stance on my kids walking alone and that I dont let. I mean for crying out load, there is now soldiers all over town for our safety.

This is not the first time such a thing has happened. She wanted to punish them for not doing hw by not letting them join the tu bshavat party. We called her up and she agreed to let them come. DD come home from party crying that she wants to go back to her other school cause when they went to the party the menahals said to them, what are you doing here? your not supposed to be here.

I have noone to talk to. The moras are her sister and daughter, the rebbi is her sil.

If god forbid something happened to my dd cause she sends her home by herself she would be held responsible.

I cant talk to her either cause she uses what I say against me.

The day after the party I didnt send my kids to school and told the school that they are sick. ( sick and tired of being bullied by this women)she told my Dh later that they wouldnt of been sick if they hadnt gone to the Uncle Moshe concert that day.

What can I do? other people my dh has talked to say that this women is crazy.
please help me, I feel like taking her out and putting her back in her other school but my ds needs that school for his learning difficulty's and im afraid that she will then start bullying him more.

Should I talk to the non jewish teachers? the other rebbis?

amother

Tue, Feb 24 2015, 11:07 pm

amother wrote:

It sounds like ur taking ur dd word to describe exactly what happened. Is it possible she is exaggerating? I seriously doubt the morah would allow an 8 year old to walk home herself.

My 8 yr old is very mature for her age and my 10 yr old ds says the same thing. The menahales has been trying to get me to let my kids come by themselves from the beginning of sept. So yes, unfortunately see does expect it, even though we have told her numerous times that we dont want them to.

markmywords

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 4:18 am

I would not discount any of her threats.
You don't know whether she will follow through or not, but have to assume she will.
Is the school subsidized privately or by the government? Money talks.
I'd search for either the source of that funding, a board of directors, or even a gadol or the community rav where the menaheles is from.
You need to get down to whomever she respects and listens to (report it), live with it, or switch.

Scrabble123

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 10:31 am

Sometimes principals do behave inappropriately, but I don't understand why it is not fair to send a child home or not allow them to attend a party because of not finishing homework. It may not be the best consequence in the book, but the school has a right to enforce such a consequence. That being said, telling children remarks like, "You should not be here" is out of line. Are you able to have a fair, frank conversation with her (before trying something like going behind her back)? Why does she insist on your children walking to school? Is that what "all of the children do?" Is she trying to reach a developmental goal? I understand why you would not want them to walk to school, but is it something tha the school and parents need to be in agreement about? You said that your child is in a smaller school for their learning disabilities so maybe the principal is trying to find ways to allow the children to fit in better. Ultimately you have the last word, but have you discussed with her why she is insisting on this concept? It does not excuse rude behavior, but it is important to understand the full picture.

amother

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 12:26 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Why does she care how your kids get to school?

On another note, why aren't your kids doing their h.w.?

They do do their hw. maybe 2 or 3 times they didnt and shes therefore making it seem like they never do it. I have to sign everyday that they did their hw and in the beginning I did and then I slacked off. But they always did the hw. Ive been signing every night now for months.

my kids have to be in school by 0810. cause at 0820 the doors shut and then they carnt come in. Sometimes the kids come late cause of traffic so she thinks that if they come to school themselves they will be on time. She also want me to stop waking them up in the morning and that they should use an alarm clock to get up and they should get themselves ready in order to learn responsibility. if they are late or dont do their hw the get punished.

A friend of mine her son came late and she didnt let him in so he went to a different chader that day. The mother only knew this after he came home. Is that responsible????

I took them to school one morning on time and saw the menahelse and she goes on and on that it has to stop them coming late everyday. I said to her that excuse me but they've been coming everyday for the last 2 months on time. She was still referring to the few times they came late at the beginning of the year. And that it had to stop them not doing hw. I sad again excuse me but apart from 3 times that they didnt do it they constantly do it.

I spoke to my friend who sends there and she doesnt understand why shes checking the hw. She doesnt teach them and that the non jewish teacher checks the hw everyday. So I should speak to the non jewish teacher about all this.

I feel like shes micro managing me.

amother

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 12:31 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

No im not able to cause as I said before she uses what I tell her against me. And for the rest of your questions read my reply above. And most parents drive the kids to school and the older kids like age 14 and up ride a bike. ( which im not going to let my 8 yr old do as I live in the middle of a very busy city.)

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 12:44 pm

She does seem to be overstepping her bounds re: how they get to school.

However, I will tell you that in my DD's school, unsigned homework is incomplete homework - especially repeatedly. You owe it to your kids to sign their hw after they do it - every night. The fact that they did it but did not sign = homework not complete.

It was the same when I grew up, and I don't know anywhere that doesn't require parents' signature at the ages you stated.

black sheep

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 12:53 pm

since you said "there are now soldiers all over town for our safety," I will assume you are either in france or in a town in israel near the border. you are basically living in a war zone. and the principal of your child's school wants you to have your young children walk alone to school? I am sorry, but is she mentally ill? she runs a school, is in charge of children, and she doesn't understand very basic safety? just based on that alone, I strongly advise you to take your children out of that school immediately. better to keep them home than to have them in the care of a woman who would, in fact is trying to, put them in danger.

in addition, it sounds like she is bullying your children. your daughter has cried to you that she doesn't want to go back there because of how the menahales treats her. please protect your childrens' emotional safety just as much as you do their physical safety. just like you (rightly) won't budge on letting them walk to school themselves at such a young age, you should also not allow them to be bullied.

I really think you should speak to the board, the rabbi, someone who has power there, and I would advise you to keep your kids home until this lady is replaced by a safe and competent menaheles.

amother

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 12:54 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Maybe thats whats she thinks. I didnt think of it like that. thanks and FTR ive been signing every night for the past few months.

Scrabble123

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 1:08 pm

amother wrote:

Yes there has, she says they dont do the hw even though I tell her that they do. Shes not even their teacher so why is she making my CRAZY??????

If you know that your children have completed the homework and she stills you that they have not, why don't you schedule an appointment to go over the homework with the principal as well as the student's teacher who actually sees their homework. You can go over the assignments that she claims were not completed and show her that it indeed was completed (and if it was not, come up with ways to address homework). Have you spoken to their teacher? What does she say about their homework?

I also had a very bad experience with a principal in high school, and I just learned to shut it off because there was no winning with her. You cannot do that to your children because they are younger and they also need to feel like if their principal is mistreating them that their parent is addressing it and not allowing it to continue.

Regardless of the homework, it sounds like the principal is mistreating your children which should not be ignored.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 1:10 pm

amother wrote:

Yes there has, she says they dont do the hw even though I tell her that they do. Shes not even their teacher so why is she making my CRAZY??????

What would happen if you said something like:

Thank you for bringing the hw issue to my attention. For the past few (days, months, weeks - you choose) I have worked with my kids to ensure their hw is completed and signed. I would appreciate it if you could pay attention to our improved efforts. Thanks very much.

Regarding the walk to school - Thank you for our concern regarding developing independence in our kids...we are not comfortable with the walk to school, due to security concerns. We may try some of your other suggestions (alarm clock, getting ready for school by themselves, etc....). Thank you for your efforts.