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-> Working Women
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:16 pm
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What is it about me that bosses/managers feel comf yelling at/bullying and threatening me? I'm at a fairly new position and made small error today and my boss was fuming and threatened me with my job. This isn't the first person who yelled at me like this over the years. What is it about me that makes bosses yell at me? Is this normal? I'm so upset.
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amother
Outerspace
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:16 pm
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amother
Arcticblue
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:23 pm
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Do you make more mistakes than the average worker? (Not that yelling is right, I'm just wondering if the frustration is justified.)
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amother
OP
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:23 pm
| amother Arcticblue wrote: | | Do you make more mistakes than the average worker? (Not that yelling is right, I'm just wondering if the frustration is justified.) |
No, not at all.
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Mommy1:)
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:28 pm
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no boss should treat an employee that way. It's part of the training process to expect mistakes and to use them as educational opportunities. Please look for another job, you deserve better.
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amother
Narcissus
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:30 pm
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You had bad experiences with bad bosses. This is what it is.
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amother
Burlywood
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:33 pm
Unacceptable behavior in a boss.
When you say "This isn't the first time over the years", what do you mean? Once each by three different bosses in 20 years, or twelve times by two different bosses in three years? If the former, I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone has a bad day now and then, not that a boss should be taking his or her stress out on you. If it's a regular thing, though... maybe you unwittingly project an image of "I'm a wimp, feel free to abuse me."
Should it happen again, stick up for yourself. Calmly, but firmly, tell your boss that you don't deserve to be treated this way and you refuse to listen to abuse. Then walk out of the room, unhurried and with your head held high.
Do you work for a big company with an HR dept? If so, report your boss's behavior to the HR dept. Keep a log of all the details if this proves not to be an isolated incident. You may need this info if he tries to fire you or if the abuse escalates. Were there witnesses to this incident? Record their names; you may want them to testify on your behalf at some future point if there's an investigation. Get the address of your state or local human rights agency in case you may want to file a complaint.
If you work in a small place with no HR department, follow the same procedures as above, and meantime polish up your resume and start looking for something else. Nobody deserves to be humiliated and yelled at at work.
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amother
Maple
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:40 pm
Uch
Quit now and get a different job
Toxic
Not worth it
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listenhere
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:48 pm
Absolutely not ok. Your boss isn’t in a stronger position than you, a good employee is just as hard to find as a good boss. You can do better.
I’ve seen places that pay more than average with the trade off that employees are treated horribly. If that’s the case then you can make a decision if it’s worth it for you.
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amother
Cyclamen
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 9:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | What is it about me that bosses/managers feel comf yelling at/bullying and threatening me? I'm at a fairly new position and made small error today and my boss was fuming and threatened me with my job. This isn't the first person who yelled at me like this over the years. What is it about me that makes bosses yell at me? Is this normal? I'm so upset. |
It is never ok for a boss to yell, or threaten. Ever.
With that said - if you say this is not the first time it has happened, I can see different reasons for this:
1 - just plain bad luck to have really nasty bosses
2 - If this is over a long number of years and has happened a mere few times, is it possible that the bosses were just having a hard day and you're particularly sensitive to criticism?
3 - is there the possibility of making more than the average number of errors? Keep in mind that the boss may not point out every error that is made so the worker may not have awareness of how many errors are actually made.
4 - was the error a really small one? Sometimes what we think to be a small error can actually have a large impact on business operations. If you're a new worker, would you know the full impact of that small error?
Again - it is NEVER ok for a boss to treat anyone like this regardless of the reason. I'm just pointing out possibilities as food for thought. Only you can really work through it and know the true reasons for it.
I truly hope this doesn't happen again to you whether in this job or other. It really hurts to be attacked in this manner and am so sorry this happened to you.
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MommyPhD
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 10:00 pm
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OP, I just wanted to let you know I completely empathize! I'm a professor, and my only two faculty positions since I graduated (my previous and current positions) I have this problem. I have often wondered what am I doing wrong? Oftentimes I come across as a pushover when I'm really not. Then when I push back against the abuse, the bosses are surprised/retaliate. Right now I'm going thru HR mediation with my boss (result of me filing a complaint) and it sucks. All I want is for her to stop yelling at me when I don't do things her way (we are all PhDs and run our own departments, so we have leeway to make our own decisions). She's a crazy control freak. I have no answers. Stand up for yourself and apply for other positions in the meantime.
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momX4
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 10:05 pm
Not ok. Please quit. No 2 weeks notice needed.
I had a great boss. He taught me to own up to my mistake and correct it. Customers never had anything bad to say when we owned uo to human error.
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amother
Mintgreen
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 10:10 pm
Before I get hired I do research on the boss and the work environment.
It’s really important to me.
Have you done any research before taking a job?
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ShishKabob
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 10:14 pm
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Does he yell only at you? Or is it his modus operendi?
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 10:35 pm
Threatening to fire you is not the same category as other threatening (in which case I would say leave immediately).
I have had bosses who yell, it’s a personality thing and depends on the type of work place .
That being said if you are regularly being yelled at or criticized I would start looking for another job.
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mirib
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Tue, Apr 25 2023, 11:51 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | Unacceptable behavior in a boss.
When you say "This isn't the first time over the years", what do you mean? Once each by three different bosses in 20 years, or twelve times by two different bosses in three years? If the former, I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone has a bad day now and then, not that a boss should be taking his or her stress out on you. If it's a regular thing, though... maybe you unwittingly project an image of "I'm a wimp, feel free to abuse me."
Should it happen again, stick up for yourself. Calmly, but firmly, tell your boss that you don't deserve to be treated this way and you refuse to listen to abuse. Then walk out of the room, unhurried and with your head held high.
Do you work for a big company with an HR dept? If so, report your boss's behavior to the HR dept. Keep a log of all the details if this proves not to be an isolated incident. You may need this info if he tries to fire you or if the abuse escalates. Were there witnesses to this incident? Record their names; you may want them to testify on your behalf at some future point if there's an investigation. Get the address of your state or local human rights agency in case you may want to file a complaint.
If you work in a small place with no HR department, follow the same procedures as above, and meantime polish up your resume and start looking for something else. Nobody deserves to be humiliated and yelled at at work. |
When reporting to HR use email and bcc to your personal email. Like this you leave a paper trail.
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zaq
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Wed, Apr 26 2023, 12:17 am
| amother Cyclamen wrote: | It is never ok for a boss to yell, or threaten. Ever.
With that said - if you say this is not the first time it has happened, I can see different reasons for this:
1 - just plain bad luck to have really nasty bosses
2 - If this is over a long number of years and has happened a mere few times, is it possible that the bosses were just having a hard day and you're particularly sensitive to criticism?
3 - is there the possibility of making more than the average number of errors? Keep in mind that the boss may not point out every error that is made so the worker may not have awareness of how many errors are actually made.
4 - was the error a really small one? Sometimes what we think to be a small error can actually have a large impact on business operations. If you're a new worker, would you know the full impact of that small error |
5. You work in an industry in which abuse of subordinates is an accepted and ongoing phenomenon. The entertainment field is notorious for this, and it's the dirty little secret nobody likes to talk about in healthcare, particularly nursing. Please, please keep good records and report your boss to HR. You are probably not the only person s/he's mistreating.
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Chickensoupprof
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Wed, Apr 26 2023, 3:35 am
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Not normal, but I doubt the USA has a strong union
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amother
Oak
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Wed, Apr 26 2023, 4:33 am
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OP I'm really sorry you're going through this. Just know that "yelling" is considered "normal" in certain circles. Doesn't make it ok or functional, but unfortunately it is a way of life for some people
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