Do any of you still think about a guy you dated in the past?

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Interesting Discussions

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Linen

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 12:33 am

Do any of you still think about someone that you dated before your husband?

amother

Gold

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 12:47 am

Not at all, although at the time I was literally heartbroken over him and couldn't stop thinking about him for months and months (until I dated dh). I think it's a sign of moving on not to dwell over previous guys. When he got engaged my mother called to tell me (prob to gauge my reaction) and I was just like who, oh him? that's nice, I know the girl, great shidduch. At this point I don't even think about him at all like even in passing. But time helps too.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Aug 10 2016, 11:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 1:06 am

Sure, but I'm BT. It wasn't shidduch dating. We were seriously involved. And I don't think of past boyfriends in a longing kind of way. More like just generally wondering what became of them, hoping they are happy, etc.

ahuva06

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 5:03 am

I have same thoughts as Scarlet. Wonder about how they are doing and what they are up to but don't think of them in a loving, longing way. (Before I got married I definitely did)

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 6:45 pm

Once in a blue moon in passing. Idle momentary curiosity--not even enough to bother Googling. The mind is like the little cage that scrambles the numbered ping-pong balls in the lottery--stuff spins around inside and every so often it spits out some nugget for no good reason. Ex-boyfriend, old vocabulary word, passe slang...all equally random and historically insignificant, thank G-d.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 7:36 pm

I dated a boy after seminary for a while, it was like high school drama, always on and off again, he was my age at the time, so he was immature. I have fond memories of him and from time to time ill think "wow what ever happened to him?!"

seeker

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 9:16 pm

Once in a while but not in any romantic kind of way. He was so not for me but I thought he was still a great guy so I made a few attempts to set him up with friends. Eventually a few years ago I heard he got engaged to someone I don't know. Happy for them. Since then I rarely ever think of him at all.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 9:23 pm

It's funny because I never thought I'd have what to contribute to such a thread, since I did the bshow thing and only ever met my husband. But I did know who some of the other suggested boys were. Now that my marriage is in shambles I can't help but wonder what would life be like with that other guy... especially because he was divorced for a while and then married someone I am close enough to that I helped her decide to go ahead and marry him...

fbc

Thu, Aug 06 2015, 11:21 pm

Lol, I went out with 14 guys, said no to 11 of them. Then one was a mutual no. One said no to me ( I don't think about him tho,, now I realize he was so not my type). And then dated my husband, in which case, obviously, it was a mutual yes Wink

like another 2 posters, sometimes I just wonder what those guys are up to now, but that's all.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Aug 07 2015, 12:37 am

I dated 11 guys other than my dh.
I think of a few of them.

1 - he was my first date, only went out once, lives in my community, my dh is friends with him, my dh knows that.

2 - 3 weeks, was a mistake, my dh doesnt know about him, I'm afraid of bumping into him

3 - was a male friend, never dated but we would talk online or see each other at the local coffee shop and chat, I've seen him with my dh and he respectfully kept his distance

4 - 3 dates, thought about him up until he got married, if I wouldnt have found someone for 2 years I would have re-dated him. We ended the dating because there wasnt a reason to go forward, but it wasnt like we didn't like each other it was more like friends, it required plane tickets to continue so it was a mutual no. I thought about him because I wanted to find him a wife.

5 - I almost got engaged to this guy, he met my family, and I was going to fly to meet his, I broke it off realizing he was not the one. He now works for my sister's husband's stepfather.

6 - up until 5 years ago I thought of him because I wanted him to be married, felt bad that he was still single, he would have married me, I ended it after 4 dates

7 - I dated this guy while visiting family in israel, he was from south america, he was sweet but wouldnt work, we bonded in my head because my mother was sick at the time (he did not know) and his mother had died.

Never do I think about these guys because I think I made a mistake or wonder what it would have been like with one of them. I think about them because they were part of my past, they made me who I am, whether they like it or not.

LiLIsraeli

Fri, Aug 07 2015, 1:51 am

I didn't, until you brought up the topic! Exploding anger

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Aug 07 2015, 9:47 am

I love my husband and truly believe that my journey was meant to be and that I learned so much.

That being said, I do still struggle with making peace with MYSELF about the mistakes I made with these past relationships. I don't miss any of these guys (I dated close to 70 guys, had a few serious relationships where I turned down marriage proposals), but I think that sometimes they pop into my head because I wish that back then I had the confidence and self-love I have now. I really didn't think I could do any better.

Sometimes I wish I could bump into them. Not because I miss them, want to be with them romantically, or think I'd be happier with them. I think it's more because I'm in such a better place in my life right now and cringe that their memories of me were when I was in such a worse place.

I guess it's a testament to my marriage today-- I never knew I could be this comfortable in a relationship, so connected to someone in a healthy way-- and I wish I knew it was possible back when I was running around in relationships that were so unsatisfying yet felt like the best I could do.

Kiwi13

Fri, Aug 07 2015, 11:52 am

I never got seriously involved with anyone besides for DH, even though I went out with many guys before I met DH. Sometimes I wonder what they're up to/how they're doing now.

I stayed friendly with a few of them (mostly just on facebook) after we went out and decided not to continue dating. DH knew about it and was okay with it. But after getting serious with DH, and for sure after getting married, I took a big step back from them and those friendships dwindled. It just seems more appropriate that way.

singlemom

Fri, Aug 07 2015, 12:42 pm

I do think bout them , one in particular, we stayed close even though we both know we're not meant for each other.just as freinds. .I try helping him out with girls but seems like he's not ready to date other girls...I pray for all the guys I date they should find their bashert really soon.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Aug 09 2015, 1:38 am

I think of one in particular who I had a serious relationship with for a few years. I'm a BT. We are friends on Facebook but don't communicate except a simple mazal tov when appropriate. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we married - but it wasn't meant to be... We are both married with a child.

Page 1 of 1