Tipping with mm? | Imamother

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

Tipping with mm?

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Do you tip teachers/rebbes with mm?

Yes

70%

[ 82 ]

24%

[ 28 ]

Yes, but I don't think its common where I live

[ 1 ]

No, but it is super common where I live and I cant for whatever reason (please share the reason if you'd like)

[ 5 ]

Total Votes : 116

watergirl

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 2:10 pm

Out of curiosity, I wonder if tipping is "in town". I have never heard of such a thing until the past few years. And DH and I are teachers! If you tip, please share with us how much, and where you live.

notshanarishona

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 2:54 pm

Never heard of it before imamother and I was a teacher!!
I never received a money tip.
got many Mishloach Manot and presents through out the year from students though.

watergirl

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 3:15 pm

So all of these people who say yes, they tip - where do you live?

Fox

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 3:17 pm

I think it was a custom in Europe and in the early days of frum Jewish life in America to give rebbeim money on Purim and Chanukah. Not sure about the reasoning behind Chanukah, but cash gifts at Purim were designed to help poorly-paid rebbeim make Pesach.

Of course, what constituted a gift has changed a bit. I know of one rosh yeshiva who describes how his mother would save coupons from manufacturers in order to present her sons' rebbeim with a silver-plated spoon each Purim. The point of the story is to illustrate his mother's tremendous hakores hatov, but each time I hear it, I can't help but wonder what the rebbeim did with those spoons.

littleprincess

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 3:34 pm

We tip the rebbes on Purim, chanuka and before sukkos and pessach
Last year ds had an amazing rebbe who has a large family so we gave him bigger tips.
The teachers (daughters teachers ) are mostly young so we tip them as well but smaller amounts and only on chanuka and Purim

amother

Plum

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 3:34 pm

Lived in Brooklyn and now in Lakewood. Anywhere between $36 and $75 depending on my financial situation for the year. I have mainly daughters so it does not run up a lot. My older son we give money and the boys pool the money and buy their Rebbe a big gift (finding out from his wife what he would want).

My daughters teacher I chip in if the school has a group thing or I give between $10 and $20.

Please don't call it discrimination as my sons Rebbeim spend many more hours teaching then the girls teachers.

groisamomma

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 7:47 pm

This is probably the one and only thing I resent about the recent influx of families from Brooklyn moving here to Lakewood. They brought the tip-rebbe-a-fortune mentality with them and those of us that can't swing it lose out. Let's be realistic: Whose kid will the rebbe put more work into, the one whose parents slip him $50 every Rosh Chodesh or the child whose parents give $36 on Chanukah and/or Purim?

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 7:53 pm

Let's take a poll anonymously and see who gives rabbeim tips out of appreciation and who gives so that their child is treated better.

The whole system is so wrong. I know someone whose husband is so strict and doesn't give his wife a penny to spend but he has no problem giving the rebbe 150 every yom Tov. It's only so that he has the name of giving the most and hat his kid should be treated better.

Is this Hakaras hatov?

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 8:09 pm

I'm from bp and yes, teachers are given tips. Chanukah the class does a joint gift and Purim each mother on their own. Usually abt 20 but ranges from 10-50. I taught in a few schools and was Same all over.

amother

Blush

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 8:27 pm

Williamsburg here. I think it's accepted to give tips mostly for preschool teachers and lower elementary grades when the kids still go to their teachers houses on Purim. Chanukah, the school usually collected $5-10 but many give separately as well.
As for Rebbes, there are those that give frequently throughout the year and many only chanukah and Purim.
Personally, I'm planning to give my girls teachers $50 each and same for Rebbe. I gave my son's Rebbe $75 chanukah and $25 by his upsherin, other than that I don't tip every month.

amother

Plum

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 9:07 pm

groisamomma wrote:

First of all I live in Lakewood quite a few years. I also was told it was the custom to give a gift in my kids Yeshiva when I moved here. I am sure I don't give the largest amount. There is also no need for me to bribe the teachers as my sons are excellent students BH. It is simple Hakaras HaTov.

amother

Orange

Tue, Mar 08 2016, 9:32 pm

I don't know why people think the only motive is bribing the rebbie to give more attention to your kid. We give the rebbies around $150 for Chanukah and again at Purim if they are good at what they do". I don't look at it as a bribe but think of it as supplementing their income before an expensive chag.

Raisin

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 4:33 am

amother wrote:

Chanuka is not an expensive chag. Pesach is but thats a whole month after Purim. Why not tip erev sukkos and erev pesach?

If I was rich I would tip generously, since I think teachers are underpaid.

In my younger kids school now it would be completely unacceptable to give cash. I give giftcards as gifts, but not on purim, at chanukah and at the end of the year.

amother

Natural

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 5:11 am

Live in queens, all my kids schools collect approx 10/teacher to give class gift by chanukah, and end of year. My girls school does same by purim

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 6:32 am

I didn't vote, we need one more option. Namely -
"If my child is happy with teacher and does well then yes."
Mostly I do tip! I did have times where I didn't tip or gift teacher as my child was like a piece of unwanted furniture in the class.

Tablepoetry

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 6:45 am

Never heard of the concept before imamother, and frankly it appalls me. It seems demeaning to be slipping teachers bills. (Demeaning to the teachers).
Israel, public school system (dati and secular).

Chayalle

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 10:23 am

groisamomma wrote:

I'm actually appalled that this goes on in the boys' schools. I don't have any boys yet, but I don't like the idea that your kid is a VIP if you bribe the Rebbe constantly. It puts all the kids whose parents don't have the $$ at a disadvantage. I don't think it's healthy for kids, either, to be VIP's and feel in any way better than the rest of the kids in the class....

OTOH I don't have a problem with general Hakaras Hatov, and I don't think a not-so-huge amount once or twice a year - like Chanuka and Purim - would make much of a difference in the way children are treated. In a way, what goes on in the girls school - a class collection at Chanuka and maybe a gift card at Purim - is much more healthy.

I also don't think it's a must, and there were years I've done more cause I could, and years I've done less because I had to.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 10:36 am

Chayalle wrote:

My dh is a rebbi, he by no means differentiates between giving parents and not. As he says, why is the child to blame what the parents do. It's not in the child's hand. He tries hard to treat them all alike and b"h is successful.
However, a parent who makes himself known to the rebbi, and shows an interest in his child's progress, whether be it a phone call or a nice note (even on assignment sheets) or a tip (if feasable) definitely makes a big difference. Yes! Unfortunately tips talk a lot. But dh tries to give as much to those that don't tip. Not everyone can tip, therefore a nice note or call of acknowledgement goes a very far way.
the same is in girls schools.
Disclaimer. I, in no way encourage monetary tips.

Ruchel

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 10:46 am

Europe? Mmmm. I'm European. I don't do it ever. I do remember my grandfather told me they offered they offered one MM to his kodesh teacher. There was no """tip""" (aka hidden tuition).

Faigy86

Wed, Mar 09 2016, 10:57 am

Shochad speaks. It isn't anyone's fault. Anyone can be swayed by a bribe. Call it a tip, call it whatever you want, but it works. Especially if it isn't at the same time as everyone else. A nice fruit platter for tu b'shvat with a small check works wonders especially if your child isn't an angel...

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