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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Maroon
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Tue, May 31 2016, 1:01 pm
I have 7 kids, I didn't grow up frum and live in a small community without much of a support network. I often feel totally over my head in dealing with a large (by my standards!) family juggling the needs of a teen down to a tiny baby and everything in between simultaneously. Where can I find someone who can be some kind of mentor to me? I feel so alone in this.
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amother
Puce
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Tue, May 31 2016, 1:18 pm
You mentioned that you did not grow up frum. So I'm sure you had a mentor helping you towards becoming frum. No? The people that opened you up to this lifestyle should be the ones continuing to mentor you and guide you throughout your life. They should be your support system. Where are they? What happened to them? Or did you just become frum without any guidance? I'm just curious. My parents didnt grow up frum but had multiple mentors who started them on the journey and most of them were there for them whenever they needed. Of course we all evolve and we can find someone else to mentor us, but it sounds like you are lost and it makes me sad.
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amother
Maroon
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Tue, May 31 2016, 1:39 pm
It is complicated but the rabbi who influenced us originally became very sick. Also for various reasons they only had two kids so.... In our current location whilst I have a Rav we go to for she'ailos etc his wife is not the type to mentor, like if I ask "how do you manage with x,y,z" she will answer "it's hard. I don't know, I just do". Whereas I am super analytical and think so deeply about everything and need big answers for all my questions. Usually I am the one mentoring younger women ( I am nearly 40), or older less frum women, but there is no one for me. Even my mother a"h is no longer there at the other end of the phone to hear me vent from time to time.
You make a good point though. Years ago we were very involved in a kiruv organization but there is very little follow through. They just keep on churning out the BTs but there is no continuing help once you "graduate" they are too busy with their current projects.
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amother
Puce
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Tue, May 31 2016, 1:49 pm
amother wrote: | It is complicated but the rabbi who influenced us originally became very sick. Also for various reasons they only had two kids so.... In our current location whilst I have a Rav we go to for she'ailos etc his wife is not the type to mentor, like if I ask "how do you manage with x,y,z" she will answer "it's hard. I don't know, I just do". Whereas I am super analytical and think so deeply about everything and need big answers for all my questions. Usually I am the one mentoring younger women ( I am nearly 40), or older less frum women, but there is no one for me. Even my mother a"h is no longer there at the other end of the phone to hear me vent from time to time.
You make a good point though. Years ago we were very involved in a kiruv organization but there is very little follow through. They just keep on churning out the BTs but there is no continuing help once you "graduate" they are too busy with their current projects. | [u]
This is so bothersome to me...most BT's dont have family and these kiruv people should be their family or at least hook them up with a surrogate family! OP, I grew up frum but I also could use a mentor. It's hard to find the right person. You need someone that is open minded, understanding, loving and someone who appreciates yiddishkeit and torah but is not too fanatic either and can relate to people's issues whether they be big or small. Not easy!!!
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Chayalle
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Tue, May 31 2016, 1:50 pm
Torah Umesorah has trained some great mentors in my community. I wonder if they would have any resources that could mentor you long distance.
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