Please tell me there is an end in sight

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Pink

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:12 am

to the teenage madness.

Apparently, I have made his life hell because:

1. I don't take the family ice skating or bowling on Sat night

2. I am making him finish high school

3. He needs me

4. I won't let him have unlimited wifi access

grace413

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:15 am

Wow, you are incredibly mean to make him finish high school!!! What kind of mother are you?
Rolling Laughter

Hang in there. It does end eventually. Hug

Iymnok

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:36 am

amother wrote:

Poor kid, you are soooo mean! Hug

I'm sure NONE if his friends have a mother as inconsiderate as you! LOL

(When dd8 complains about how mean I am, I tell her it's because I love you. -that response usually does not make sense in context, but there's no point in arguing with a complaint!
She has started to say "you always say that!" LOL

)

5mom

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:40 am

Yes, there really is an end in sight. Teenagers have to separate from their parents in order to grow into independent adults. The separation can be messy and painful, but there's no other way. Think of it as giving birth to a grown-up.

And be kind - teenagers are confused, often powerless to control their time, and marinating in hormones. It's not easy for them either.

MitzadSheini

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:45 am

5mom wrote:

...... Think of it as giving birth to a grown-up.
.....
..

Fabulous. Should be framed and put on the wall.

yalimommy

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 5:09 am

There really, really is. (An end in sight, that is....)
Hang in there! I know firsthand how difficult it can be.
My impossible teenager is now a sweet, considerate, wonderful 28 year old mother of four. And every now and then she apologizes to me for her behavior then.... 😃

Laiya

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:40 am

amother wrote:

Just something that jumped out at me from you post--#1. It's so nice that he wants to spend quality time with you and the family! I can think of many other teenagers who would've done anything to avoid going out with their family, least of all their mother!

So you must be doing something right Smile

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:59 am

My teenage son yelled at me last week " I've never heard of such a crazy family that makes their kids help them clean the house for Shabbos! If you want a clean house then get a cleaning lady!!!"

🤔We must be real crazy!

It's a phase and it'll pass, you may not remember but we used to say ridiculous things like our kids do, we just don't remember . You are doing a great job! Just let it roll off your shoulders you are doing what's right!

amother

Denim

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 11:21 am

I have to agree with the poster above.

When I mention to my 16 year old that I want to go out as a family, all I get is an eye roll. So be happy he wants to spend time with you.

amother

Pink

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 12:06 pm

There's more:

5. I am against the idea of him going to the Israeli army and I'm worried he may die - quote: "I'm gonna die one day anyway". Rolling Eyes

6. I think I'm a Dr. and I know everything because I told him that I don't think we need to go to the Dr for every tiny cough and cold.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 12:18 pm

Some of these things sit inside of me still. I wonder if some of it still stayed with me. :(

Tablepoetry

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 12:28 pm

I echo what others said. The fact he wants to go out as a family is something that stands out.
He's begging for more quality family time. Give it to him. Make the effort even if it's difficult for your budget or your schedule.

Sure a lot of his complaints are typical teenage angst. But still he must be heard. He's telling you he needs the family more. Give it to him, there's so little time left in which you will have such an opportunity.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 1:02 pm

Remember when he was 2, and was laying on the kitchen floor, screaming because he couldn't have the green sippy cup?

The only difference is that he's more articulate now. Teens are going through the Terrible Two's all over again. Use the same strategies you used then. Listen, be patient, be sympathetic, and give lots of love and hugs.

This too shall pass.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 11:08 pm

Heard of Gog Umagog
Raising teenagers is worse

underthestars

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 7:14 am

I am reading all these responses and feel so good that we are not suffering alone! None of us have good answers but you have really summed it up well:

[Heard of Gog Umagog
Raising teenagers is worse]

[Remember when he was 2, and was laying on the kitchen floor, screaming because he couldn't have the green sippy cup?

The only difference is that he's more articulate now. Teens are going through the Terrible Two's all over again.]

[Think of it as giving birth to a grown-up. ]

Hashem is giving us an opportunity to work on our neshamas and show much love, patience and smiles despite how we really feel.

IYH, we all will and do get through it. We are here for you when the going gets tough!

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:01 am

My son thinks I'm "not normal" because I don't give him 20 bucks a night to buy supper because the suppers I cook are "gross." His seven siblings all eat it quite happily, so I don't think the grossness of the food is the issue here.

I pointed out that I'm hardly likely to shell out money for someone who talks to me that way, and he tells me "you're so mean."

I tell him - I prefer to think of it as "being nice to my future daughter in law, who will hopefully marry a mentch"

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:19 am

Chiming in about the Motzei Shabbos/Saturday night issue with teens.

My 18 year old DD drives, and tends to get together with friends. She does not wish to take her 15 year old sis along.

I just want to get the house cleaned up after Shabbos, put my little one to bed, and chill. DH goes out to learn with Chavrusah. But middle DD is BORED.

Are we supposed to provide entertainment?

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 10:27 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes, apparently. And an unlimited budget for said entertainment. And possibly chauffeuring services as well.

Queen6

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 1:42 pm

.1 When these blow ups happen (they often do). I remain QUIET and go about what I'm doing. Any rational or reasoning only makes it worse or goes unheard. They will get the message.
.2 For every no try to give a yes. If you're not providing entertainment at the ice skating rink try to have something nice at home. If you're not giving money for take out food ask what foods they like.... try to make their home and their world a haven they will want to be in.

debsey

Mon, Nov 21 2016, 2:29 pm

Queen6 wrote:

I've tried that. Since DS is my pickiest eater, as well as going through the most difficult adjustment to adolescence, I've tried cooking his favorite foods, at the expense of cooking everyone else's favorite foods. I find he doesn't appreciate it and still asks for money. He is in a class where a lot of the kids routinely eat out and he wants to join them. (He's Mr. Popularity, so I'm not worried about his social standing.)

I don't believe in eating out nightly - it's terrible nutrition, even nicer burger joints are not a place I want my yeshiva bochur spending a great deal of time, and it's terrible training for life. He knows that every so often he will get some money and he can take out the meal of his choice, but he also knows that it won't happen in a week where he came home and made a massive fuss about how "normal" mothers don't make "gross" food like meatballs and spaghetti or chicken.

My "no" is a yes to everything else - you know why you're such a great athlete? Because your mother has always paid attention to nutrition and instilling healthy habits like bedtime. You know why you have a reputation as one of the better boys in your class? Because you're not hanging around pizza parlors every night, which means you have time to learn with your chavrusah. You know why you're going to be a great husband one day? Because you'll appreciate your wife and you won't expect her to cater you a five star meal every night.

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