Staying over at married friend's home?

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:05 am

Are you comfortable doing this when you are visiting from out of town and your friend and her DH are in the home? The thought of it makes me uncomfortable but I'm concerned that declining would offend my friend.

amother

Brickred

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:10 am

How long are they married, do they have kids? There are a few things to factor in. If they are a young couple just newly married I would decline.

moonstone

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:12 am

I stayed at many married friends' homes for Shabbat when I was single, in my world it's not even an issue.

Last edited by moonstone on Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:13 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Red

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:21 am

They invited you. What on earth is the issue? I’m sorry I just Don’t get it. Sounds like a great opportunity to spend time with them

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:48 am

If their home is cramped and uncomfortable and you would rather stay at a hotel, it might be awkward but you could find a tactful way to decline. Otherwise, I don't see what the problem could be.

amother

NeonOrange

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:51 am

Would you sleep at a relative? Would you sleep by a stranger for a simcha? I’m not following why this would be an issue. Sounds like you don’t want to sleep at this specific person’s house. But as a general rule it’s not awkward to have guests.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 10:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It seems awkward to me. They are married many years and dealing with issues

That's specific to your friend. If she has issues going on and it would be awkward, then maybe decline.

But in general, married couples/families host all the time. (Singles can too, of course, but they don't always have much extra room.) If not, people just wouldn't ever be guests unless there were to be tons of empty houses available to stay in which is kind of rare tbh.

amother

Thistle

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 11:07 am

What’s your real concern? That you’ll be intruding on their privacy? That they’ll embarrass you by canoodling in front of you? That the dh will “accidentally” come into your room at night?

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 11:17 am

amother [ Thistle ] wrote:

What’s your real concern? That you’ll be intruding on their privacy? That they’ll embarrass you by canoodling in front of you? That the dh will “accidentally” come into your room at night?

maybe it's that I'm socially awkward and I overthink everything

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 11:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

maybe it's that I'm socially awkward and I overthink everything

It’s really a decision only you can make. If you’re uncomfortable about this setup stay at a private place and visit your friend during the day.

amother

Thistle

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 11:27 am

That sounds right.
Quit overthinking. If they invited you as opposed to your inviting yourself, evidently they want you to come.

If she and her husband are not getting along, on the brink of divorce, and are unmannerly enough not to hide their animosity in front of company, staying there could be uncomfortable for you. But in reality, few people who are at such a pass would bother having company. If they invited you, you can assume that they’ll keep their interactions polite.

How about expressing your concerns to your friend? A couple “ having issues” doesn’t necessarily act hostile in public.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 11:35 am

amother [ Thistle ] wrote:

Maybe the friend felt she needed to invite but her DH is not happy about it?

amother

Seablue

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 1:07 pm

OP did you grow up religious? In the frum community it is totally acceptable and people may even get offended if you choose a hotel over this guest bedroom. My understanding is that this is the opposite of many other communities in the US.

amother

Daphne

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:23 pm

I’d stay by the friend as long as it’s a more private guest room and bath. It’s a nice way to spend time together.

rachelli66

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:29 pm

Tell them this way, ''We have other accomodations already but I really want to get together with you and your husband for Dinner, at a nice restaurant, when is a good night for you? Can't wait to see you!