Why is she so clingy?????

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:14 am

I nursed her until 2.5 years. She slept in my bed until 6 years old (she was anxious) . I totally did the attachment parenting with her
She's 11 now. She always wants touch. She is super clingy. She's just too intense. She drives me batty. She has this idea in her head what a mother/daughter relationship should look like. I'm either the best mom or the worst mom to her. I'm definitely not human with limitations . I feel like I messed up somewhere.

amother

Cherry

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:18 am

amother OP wrote:

Your answer is in your post. You got her used to being attached to you, you can't suddenly stop when you decided you've had enough and can't handle it anymore. If you feel the need to stop, it has to be done in a gradual natural way.
She might also be a very sensory kid and may be able to benefit from OT.

amother

Red

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:27 am

Im not concerned about nursing till 2.5. Thats healthy.
Sleeping in your bed until 6 is what sticks out. Does your daughter have anxiety in general? Have you gotten her evaluated?

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:28 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

Having her sleep in your bed till 6 years old might be part of the answer.

She would come in the middle of the night.
She is very sensory. I have no problem giving a hug and a kiss. I just really mind if she squishes herself next to me. I get touched out too. I have infant multiples and I'm overwhelmed. She also wants dates with me just me and her. I know she wants my attention.

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:29 am

amother Red wrote:

Im not concerned about nursing till 2.5. Thats healthy.
Sleeping in your bed until 6 is what sticks out. Does your daughter have anxiety in general? Have you gotten her evaluated?

Yes she's very anxious.

amother

Cherry

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:30 am

amother OP wrote:

If she's very sensory, get her evaluated for OT.
She might also like sensory type of toys like squish balls, kinetik sand, slime/silly putty, play dough.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:32 am

amother PlumPink wrote:

Having her sleep in your bed till 6 years old might be part of the answer.

Maybe. But a lot of kids sleep with their parents longer than that and they're fine, even if it's not socially acceptable. The idea of attachment is you let the young child be close to you whenever they feel the need, and then they will feel secure enough to venture out. The idea from the 50's that you should prop bottles and have your newborn sleep in a different room and not hold them too much, etc., and continuing with that sort of thing in toddlerhood too, was proved to be exactly the wrong way to encourage confident attachment and independence.

Who knows what's going on with this particular 11 year old but some of it is personality, and 11 is an age of flux and big emotions. Adolescence is, scarily enough, on the horizon.

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:38 am

Breastfeeding and cosleeping is good. You did not mess up by doing that.

MOST kids, when allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until THEY would rather move, choose to move at age 13 😮😮😮 Way later than most people would guess.

Your daughter is normal.

You should emphasize that you are human more. Stuff like "I'll help you with that, but after I finish eating because I'm really hungry". "Honey, don't step on my leg, that hurts!".

Multiples is really hard, so you need to make sure you take care of yourself. Advice I heard once (maybe here, don't remember) for having twin babies is to act like you are a triplet. Everyone is hungry? Then EVERYONE eats, not just 2/3....

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:42 am

She sounds very similar to my pandas kid 😔

Edit: I’m not sure how to advise you, but for my kid none of it is controllable. It’s a brain issue.

We have a sensory room that helps a lot.

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:48 am

She actually did have suspected pandas. Treated her for a year . Her tics are all gone. But she was like this before the pandas too. She's very intense. I can try weighted blanket. I can try spending more time with her. I feel bad that she's so needy. And sometimes I have nothing to give because I'm so tired.

amother

Grape

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:49 am

What does she do for stimulation? I would try to fill her time with things that develop skills and that she enjoys doing.

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:49 am

amother cornflower wrote:

She sounds very similar to my pandas kid 😔

Edit: I’m not sure how to advise you, but for my kid none of it is controllable. It’s a brain issue.

We have a sensory room that helps a lot.

What is in your sensory room?

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:51 am

amother Grape wrote:

What does she do for stimulation? I would try to fill her time with things that develop skills and that she enjoys doing.

She loves gymnastics and I have a feeling it's because there is a huge OT component in it.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:51 am

amother OP wrote:

I have a feeling that spending more time with her won’t necessarily help. Pandas kids can be like a bottomless pit when it comes to attention needs.
I would however make a scheduled time per week that is just hers. At least a half hour. Whenever and whatever works for you, because if you do something you don’t want to do you’ll burn out too quickly.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 11:54 am

amother OP wrote:

What is in your sensory room?

A mattress for jumping (the tiny trampolines don’t do it for my kids), a cocoon swing (don’t go for the cheap ones), headphones with a full mp3 player, kinetic sand, a rice box with hidden beads, play doh. And an art box.

If she’s into gymnastics I would get a bar and mats, possibly a balance beam as well.