Hop Skip and Move | Imamother

HonesttoGod

Wed, Mar 15 2023, 2:38 pm

I’ve been silently following a couple of recent threads about liking/not liking where you live, the Boro park beeping and the Boro park dressing matching etc.

Do people realize that often even if you don’t like a place you can’t just hop skip and move?

I don’t love the area I live in Brooklyn, we tried to move a couple times but it didn’t work out with school/jobs.

But even if those do work out, moving is super expensive. Family. Friends. Marriage! They play a big part too. So you can hate your location but not be able to do anything about it either for right now or forever.

Yet some comments there are like “just move” or “don’t complain you chose to live there”.

If only life was as simple as the Harry Potter flu powder life.

amother

Catmint

Wed, Mar 15 2023, 8:45 pm

amother Trillium wrote:

We tried out one community and didnt like it, were in another area now and its not for us hashkafically. I feel like we are hopping around and I feel dumb.
My husband wants to try monsey next but we no noone there and Id have to get a new job since I cant drive to BK from monsey.

I hate feeeling like we dont belong

Ha, we live in Monsey, as amazing and capable my DH is, he cannot find a decent well paying job. We cannot afford to buy a house with the excruciating prices, rent is sky rocket!
Unless youre well off financially and have good resources of support, Good luck.

amother

Trillium

Wed, Mar 15 2023, 11:21 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Thanks. Were not well off financially. Husband left kollel after 2 years and it took awhile for him to train and get his apprenticeship now. We make enough to cover expenses, NOTHING leftover at the end of the month....
Any other ideas for us? Were in our 20s. Yeshivish couple

amother

Currant

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 10:22 am

We live in Israel where it's very common to "buy on paper " we were told the community would be a certain way but then a huge group of people very different from us bought after us and once we moved in we didn't feel as comfortable in the neighborhood.
For several reasons we cannot move right now (it's been 4 years already) but we are actively looking at different cities and pre-planning.

ETA: our city does have amazing schools and our kids are happy, which is huge and big part of why we didn't move sooner.

watergirl

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 10:38 am

Yes, I think it's possible to just get up and move. Is it easy? Of course not! Are there things you have to leave behind and give up? Of course! I've done it many times.

I do not think friends is a reason to stay in a location. Do you think for a second your friends will stay there if they have a reason or need to move? They are not going to stay there for you. Friends are only one slice of the pie.

Family - I really can't comment to this because my family is tiny, not frum, and I moved from them intentionally. So I know I can't relate.

Job - Unless you own the company and you have to stay in the area, you are disposable to your boss. The company is not going to show you loyalty deserving of your major life decisions. Move, and Hashem knows where your address is, He will send you parnassa there too.

It really makes me sad when I read thread upon thread from people who have kids sitting at home, not in school months into the year because they can't get a place in a local school - there is a whole country out there.

It's all part of the pie and everything has to be considered.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 10:43 am

watergirl wrote:

But think about it another way.
Family - well part is oot but I don’t want to be even further from them than I already am (think 12 vs 18 hr flight etc)
Job - for me, not a huge issue, for husband, a huge issue because he has all his clients here and yes he can build somewhere else but it takes a long time with no income and we don’t have nearly enough savings.
School - my kids are in school and assuming we get into a good one that matches our hashkafa in a diff community, moving them is hard on them!

So I have to balance out all the pros and cons and though we are always looking, picking up because I don’t like my neighbors is just not an option. And I know many people in this situation. I consider those like you who can hop skip and move, very lucky.

GLUE

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 11:28 am

amother Candycane wrote:

I wish we could move. Can't stand it here..
Someone/a group of people did something to our family about 13 years ago and I've wanted to move ever since.
Unfortunately, my husband loves his job and doesn't want to move ever.
I've been really depressed and sad for over 13 years. Crying

Is there a place you can move that is not so far away that your husband can keep his job?