Unfriendly people | Imamother

amother

Thu, May 04 2023, 3:53 pm

Is it true that Lakewood people are cold aka unfriendly? An Instagram influencer has described Lakewood as being an unfriendly place. How true is it? And why is that? Is it culture? Please no bashing I'm trying to understand this metality.

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, May 04 2023, 4:15 pm

Oh gosh. Well, you know I am sure, that overgeneralizations are not super accurate. So there's that.

That being said, I live in Lkwd for a while and do find it a lonely place. This is because of me. I am not a very outgoing person and I moved here without knowing anyone and also don't work locally. I also feel like many many people live near their sister, their sister in law, their cousin or whatever. And they lead busy lives and don't have such a need to branch out so its somewhat harder to get to know people. So if you have someone to kind of get you into a social circle, its a bit easier. But overall, I think a lot of it is personality and I am definitely more shy and introverted. I do know others who have moved in and really found their place and friends and all. The truth is, that people are just people. All over.

And the amount of chesed that goes on here is amazing. Like mind-blowingly amazing. So I think its every person's individual experience and their own set of interpersonal skills.

GrowingUp

Thu, May 04 2023, 4:17 pm

I grew up in Lakewood and live there now.

As teenagers, we always used to joke about LSD - Lakewood Staring Disorder. It's a real thing.

Living here as an adult... well I'd say that most random people I meet at the store/park are not friendly. But not unfriendly per se. Most people just mind their own business.

I can count on one hand how many times I've struck up a real conversation with total strangers.

I wouldn't call Lakewood an unfriendly place though. Just a big place with lots of people in a big rush.

amother

Thu, May 04 2023, 4:22 pm

She was saying that she shops in a clothing store for years and is a regular customer there. She once complained to the sales lady regarding a policy that they have, her response was 'so why do you shop here'.

She did say it's a very lonely place to live in, She misses brooklyn. I don't understand this metality. We're is this coldness coming from?

amother

Charcoal

Thu, May 04 2023, 4:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think it's because Lakewood is a non chassidish community and chassidish are generally more warm, friendly, and caring.

amother

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:06 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

I think it's because Lakewood is a non chassidish community and chassidish are generally more warm, friendly, and caring.

I don't see this metality in Flatbush. So I'm not sure it's because there non chassidish.

amother

Electricblue

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:08 pm

Wow this is classical stereotyping!
She knows one rude sales-lady so the whole lakewood is unfriendly? (as a side point how do you know that this influencer wasnt being a nasty/rude customer...)

I know many friendly lakewooders and many snobby non'lakewooders.

I think its really unrealistic to have one label categorize thousands and thousands of individuals

amother

Candycane

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:14 pm

I don’t think it’s a lack of friendliness-In Brooklyn people walk most places so they see each other. Especially on shabbos. Walk in flatbush, williamsburg or boro park on shabbos- so many people going, coming from shul, simchos, family, shiurim.
Lakewood is cars all week rushing from one place to another. And on shabbos most (not all) areas are too far from each other or have no sidewalks.

amother

Steel

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:30 pm

What's considered basic neighborly friendliness and decency is considered socially off in Lakewood . Like smiling at people you don't know, making small talk at the checkout line, cooing at someone's baby, bringing a little platter or baked good over to someone who just moved in or otherwise making obvious overtures. People would rather be seen as snobbish than be seen as needy or gregarious or outgoing or looking to make new friends.
Of course not everyone and not everywhere, but this is the general sense.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:34 pm

The people themselves are super nice and caring. You will have very friendly neighbors and coworkers.
However, if by friendly you mean shmoozing with a stranger in the grocery store, then yes, you may not have so much of that. Because it such a big town, people mind their own business more and are less likely to make friends with random people they meet at the doctors office.

Flip Flops

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:37 pm

amother Steel wrote:

I'm curious, do you live in Lakewood?
If you do I feel really sorry for you that your acquaintances are like that.
I live in Lakewood too and we say good morning to people, say hi to new neighbors etc.
Maybe not shmoozing in the checkout line, but I've definitely complimented people on their cute kids!! When I go clothes shopping I'll totally make small talk with women in the dressing room.

Maybe the responses you are getting are a reflection of your coldness toward other people.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, May 04 2023, 5:52 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

I think it's because Lakewood is a non chassidish community and chassidish are generally more warm, friendly, and caring.

Honestly. Thats a ridiculous generalization. I moved to Baltimore knowing nobody here, and I find it to be the most friendly place I ever lived in my life. ANd everyone knows how few chassidim there are in Baltimore. Hmm. Just adding that the place I lived previously, the people who were least warm and friendly to me were the chassidim.
I'm Seriously not chassidim bashing, just stating a fact of life. The chassidim where I used to live were warm and friendly to each other, but not to non chassidim

amother charcoal, you must be chassidish if you think that.

Cheiny

Thu, May 04 2023, 6:57 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Agree. Brooklyn can be the same way in certain circles. I’m sure it’s like this in every neighborhood. Some friendly, some not.

amother

Carnation

Thu, May 04 2023, 7:07 pm

I live in brooklyn but I know exaclty what she meant. If you havent lived here you cant understand it. I dont know most of the people of where I live but its a warm place.
We were thinking to move to lakewood but for various reasons it didnt work out. I keep telling dh my heart is pulling me more to monsey than to Lakewood.

amother

Electricblue

Thu, May 04 2023, 7:08 pm

amother Steel wrote:

I moved to lakewood three years ago and just about all neighbors on my side of the block(its a very long block) brought something over or came to introduce themselves and offer some kind of help.
The park on shabbos is full of people making small talk with 'strangers'.

There will be all kinds of people in all communities.

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, May 04 2023, 7:19 pm

amother Steel wrote:

Yes yes this is so so true. When I visited my brother in Passaic I was so impressed how real people are. I wish Lakewood had that.