3 weeks in to Aliyah, miserable

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 12:54 am

So we came to start our new lives a few weeks ago. I came with low expectations and knew it would be hard.
It’s too hard.
My kids are usually placid and easy going for the most part. It’s been weeks of tantrums, throwing furniture, and my youngest (4) being physically assaultive.

We moved to a city full of kids and a block with zero kids. No new friends, no neighborhood whatsapp group, no invitations to schmooze to get to know people.

So so miserable

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:04 am

Join life in israel group.
All beginnings are tough.
Maybe you’ve moved to someone’s area here and someone can invite you for a meal.
I moved a year ago to a place where we know nobody and no kids for miles, but a year later, it’s all worked itself out. You’ll find a shul, find some people and slowly your life will adjust.

twizzlers1

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:35 am

Moving to Israel is definitely challenging. And that first year is even more so. I feel like you have to give yourself some slack and some time. Maybe you can share what area you’re in and maybe there’s even one imamother that could either give you online advice or in person. We have been here for over 15 years and I still remember that first year but I’m so glad that we made it through and we are very happy now.

Reality

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Are you the same OP from the being nervous about aliyah thread a while ago?

Please pm me. If you live in my area we'd love to have you for a meal over chag!

amother

Lightblue

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:46 am

What city/yishuv/area are you in. Have you joined a shul where Anglos go?
It takes time to settle, but I'm surprised you haven't been able to meet people and haven't had any invites. Where I live people always invite people who make aliyah.

grace413

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:49 am

Please send me a PM regarding joining Life in Israel.

So sorry you are having difficulties.

DrMom

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:00 am

I've never seen a street in Israel with no kids! Surely there must be some kids nearby. Did you move very far away from your kids' schools? What about other kids in shul?

Also, after Sukkot, after-school chugim get selling. Maybe your kids will find something they enjoy?

Last edited by DrMom on Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:35 am; edited 1 time in total

Rappel

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:15 am

Chagim is the worst time to be alone. Which community are you in?

Do you have someone local to vent with and ask questions from? Do you have a steady income and whatever else you need to feel stable?

rivkam

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:22 am

Get talking to the other mothers! Yes it's tough initiating the conversations but it'll be worthwhile. If you're in a charedi neighbourhood, there may not be too much on WhatsApp.

BadTichelDay

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:30 am

If you are willing to disclose where you are, people on here might be able to come up with useful local contacts, connect you to whatsapp or fb groups or even meet or invite you in person.

The first few weeks are a difficult time for kids, their whole world has just bern turned upside down. Can you "sell" the situation to them as a big adventure or game? Have they been on vacations in the past and can they process this as an extra long vacation and then just slide into getting used to it with time? If you let them feel you are miserable, it's going to filter down to them as well.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:26 am

This is so typical of somebody who recently moved. Its the yetzer hora!! I personally know so many ppl who were miserable like this in the beginning. Bh they all settled in nicely.
Hang in there!
All beginnings are super hard.

amother

Teal

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 12:04 pm

I once hear a great line - Eretz Yisrael is niknis b'yissurim, so if you're not experiencing yissurim, you're not making a kinyan in the land. Hang in there, and may you enjoy your hard-earned kinyan soon!

amother

RosePink

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 12:20 pm

Yes, please hang in there & sending virtual hugs.

Not in any way to invalidate your stress & overwhelm, I can't imagine how difficult, I'm not in the dark about difficulties. But try to hang in there, prob many like me who yearn to make aliyah but DH does not have mutual desire & therefore might not have opportunity to try.

amother

Candycane

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 12:26 pm

I also had it really hard in the beginning and am very happy now.
Enjoy the special moments, the aspects of living here that you do like.
Be patient with yourself and your kids. Time really does work wonders.

amother

Tealblue

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 12:59 pm

Never made aliya but we did move to the us from a foreign country with a young family. I remember those first few weeks as pure hell, the first year really challenging, but we eventually acclimated ourselves to our new surroundings and new way of life, and bh 15 years later I am so glad we took that step. I look back at the family and friends we left behind and I know we did the right thing.
If your children attend israeli schools and are not yet fluent in the language, the tantrums and frustration are totally normal.
Hang in there, iyh it will pass.

amother

Sun, Oct 01 2023, 3:13 pm

Thank you for all of these empathetic responses and practical advice.
I guess I was too overwhelmed to even respond at the time they were no posted.
I’m terribly shy irl so not sure I can pm anyone. That’s probably part of why we haven’t met anyone. I feel like it was supposed to happen organically and I’m the reason why it hasn’t.
We moved to RBS, I’m sure there are kids near by but on our small cul de sac there are none.