I need to move | Imamother

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:54 am

First of all this is not to bash any community/neighborhood.
I live in a very busy neighborhood. Very. Busy. Like, loud, busy, tiny apartments, no grass, no yards, long lines, crowded stores, crowded streets, lots of honking, beeping, inpatient people, rushing....
I hate it!
I know everything has it's benefits and I can walk everywhere ..... But its not who I am.
I was born here.
I grew up here.
And I still hate it.
I live with a few kids in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment on a high floor.
I feel trapped. I need nature, I need sun. I need to be able to open my door and watch my kids outside, and even to have a waterfight with them. I need to be able to play games outside with my kids. I need to be able to go out on shabbos without shlepping down all the stairs (and back up...)
I need to have a park nearby.
I need to be able to serve my whole family in the kitchen at once.
I need another bathroom so that my son doesn't have an accident every time someone is in the shower.
I need the streets to be quiet by 10pm and not have to have honking outside my window till 1 am.
I need to be able to look out the window and see more than the bricks from the next building.
I must move!
The problem is that yes even though there are better apartments in the same neighborhood, the prices are unafordable.
My husband thinks it's best to stay here because he has his shul, and the kids are happy in school.
Meanwhile mom is losing it.
I've been talking about it for years.
I'm constantly told that "everyone else manages here".
"If you want to be happy you can be happy anywhere".
"Be grateful for all the blessings in your life"
"Whats more important than raisisng your children in such an environment".

I hate being told it's not ok for me to be me.
No, I don't like noise, I get anxious in packed stores, I like nature more than shopping.
I feel so trapped.

I feel squashed, I feel locked.

Please, anyone who can relate?
And, anyone have advice??

amother

Ghostwhite

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:37 am

So relatable you have no idea ❤️. If you like nature and peace and quiet then that's how Gd made you! Absolutely normal. I hope Hashem guides you and your family to the right place.

amother

Ghostwhite

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:05 pm

Just curious where would you be interested in moving to?

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:09 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Just curious where would you be interested in moving to?

Not sure.
Either something more spacious or somewhere more "out".

amother

Mauve

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:10 pm

Can we switch?
I hate where I live. We have more trees than humans on our street. We are verrrry lonely here. Your life sounds great for my family. But we cannot move for various reasons.
I don’t understand why you can’t move to a place that matches your personality. Unless if your DH and kids would hate the lifestyle you’d love. Hard to make everyone happy.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:12 pm

Everything you're saying makes complete sense. Your problem is that your husband enjoys where you are living and wants to stay. Maybe come up with a specific place where you think would be good for your family, research it and show him all the pros to moving there

amother

Apricot

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:13 pm

I grew up like you, and I moved for the reasons you want to. It's life changing. Do it.

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:32 pm

I relate with absolutely everything. You have every right to want to move and you should know I support you in this. It’s your life too. Hashem should help ♥️
Be strong and daven hopefully with time your husband can change his perspective to understanding yours (be kind and sweet to him but keep saying it’s not working)
It’s very important for you to not give up. If it’s possible - it can happen. You just need the inner willpower to make it happen.

amother

Daphne

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:49 pm

when I got married I lived in brooklyn and every minute was hell. I wasn't from there and couldn't stand it. I moved out and am much happier. My only regret is not moving out of Brooklyn sooner.

amother

DarkMagenta

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 3:04 pm

I'm in the exact same situation as you. (In Brooklyn). Would love to move to the surrounding areas of Lakewood or even OOT

amother

Steel

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 3:09 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

I grew up like you, and I moved for the reasons you want to. It's life changing. Do it.

Same

No place is perfect, you will miss some aspects of your old place but it's sure worth it to move.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 3:11 pm

The only thing I can say is… your feelings are as valid as everyone else’s. I think you can try to talk to your husband about a compromise.

There is no way of knowing if your kids will also do much better in such an environment.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:54 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

Sure, where do you live? Lets switch up for yom tov! Wink

I'd love to try it out. And if I really don't like it at least I'll be happy to go back home.
My kids are like me and love nature and space, but they are still little, so I don't think they understand. My husband doesn't want to move away.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:55 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

Thanks for validating!
I've tried and he was stubborn. We're chasidish so he wants somewhere where he can raise the kids that way.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:56 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

I'm in the exact same situation as you. (In Brooklyn). Would love to move to the surrounding areas of Lakewood or even OOT

Did you do research on any specific place?

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:57 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

when I got married I lived in brooklyn and every minute was hell. I wasn't from there and couldn't stand it. I moved out and am much happier. My only regret is not moving out of Brooklyn sooner.

Wow. That feels validating. Like I walk down the street and I think- how was I dropped here?
It's 11pm and the beeping outside is driving me insane. Now. 11PM.
where did you move to? Any ideas for me?

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:59 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

I grew up like you, and I moved for the reasons you want to. It's life changing. Do it.

Wow, good for you! Where did you move to? Was it a hard adjustment or bliss? Honestly I lived oot for a few years before I got married and I LOVED it. So I Know I would like it better....

amother

Valerian

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:04 pm

I can relate to many aspects. I do live in 3 bedrooms but one bathroom and small kitchen. Horrible apartment and no place for my married son to move in. I would love to move but even monsey is already unaffordable. You probably dont have a succa like us...

amother

DarkMagenta

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you do research on any specific place?

Yes! But DH is happy here, kids are happy here (not that they know any better- they are still young and I am sure they'll do even better with a backyard and fresh air), I have a good job here. Meanwhile the walls are closing in on me in my one bedroom basement apartment but DH insists that that's not a reason to move.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:10 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

thats right no sukkah....