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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

I need to move

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Tkhgbv

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for validating!
I've tried and he was stubborn. We're chasidish so he wants somewhere where he can raise the kids that way.

From someone who has moved a lot searching for a place that makes everyone happy, here's what advice I can give. I would first have a kid free discussion with dh and be very open.

I would say something like, "I want to revisit our discussion about relocating. We've done really great here, and I'm so glad you have a community that makes you feel comfortable. I feel like we could do better though by having what we have here in an area that allows us to have a single family home. I'm not asking for us to decide right now whether we should move, but would you be open to moving IF I found a similar shul and community for the kids that meets the needs I'm looking for (bigger house, yard, etc.)?"

As a chassidishe person, wanting to raise your kids in that community is a wonderful thing. There are chassidishe communities outside of larger cities in the US. Some of them are actually like a shtetl where everyone is on the same page. It's a need your husband and children have. I would address that while trying to meet your own needs.

I'm happy to help you brainstorm communities if you send me a message privately.

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:33 pm

Staten island sounds like a great medium; ) your kids can still stay in their schools etc..and you have your space.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:38 pm

amother Peachpuff wrote:

Staten island sounds like a great medium; ) your kids can still stay in their schools etc..and you have your space.

Agree! I've thought about that. Are the prices still reasonable? Are people happy there?

familyfirst

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:43 pm

Why do his needs supersede yours?

Tkhgbv

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agree! I've thought about that. Are the prices still reasonable? Are people happy there?

I assumed this was a Brooklyn scenario but wasn't sure until now. Definitely several options if you're tied to that part of the world. Someone else could probably give you information on Staten Island, but I would definitely consider Linden as an option as well. You can still get a house there for 400 to 700K, and it's a short commute in. It used to take me 2 hours with really bad traffic. Tolls going to and from every day Sun-Fri was about $400-500 per month. They also have a bus that runs and the train is also an option.

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:48 pm

My heart goes out to you OP, that sounds so hard!
Until you figure things out with your husband, maybe you can buy a sun mimicking lamp to uplift your mood, and noise canceling headphones to block out the honking.

amother

Geranium

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:51 pm

Is Monsey an option? You'd have to find new schools (not pashut!!) and a shul, but there's chassidim everywhere, and you get SO much more for your money and so much more space everywhere you look.

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:54 pm

Omg op are you me??
Im reading this and it feels like you took the words out of my mouth and wrote it word for word.
I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY WORD FOR WORD! I get you!

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agree! I've thought about that. Are the prices still reasonable? Are people happy there?

I live there and I'm happy!
Rent is not much cheaper than boro park unless you can afford to buy?
If you don't have family here you might not like it, there are ppl that move back after not liking it
Which chassidus are you part of? The shuls and ppl have a beautiful community vibe

amother

Topaz

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:24 am

Hi, I’m in Lakewood. Big house, a few bathrooms, large backyard, lots of grass all around our house… I admit, it’s all very nice but … I have nothing to do with my neighbors.
You are right, there are pros and cons with each living situation.
I wish I had close friends. Shabbos is very hard. Long and lonely.
I feel like I would do almost anything to live near good friends. I grew up in practically in next door my neighbors house… such good memories. Our parents were friends and us kids were best friends. I don’t know why I thought that’s normal. Apparently it’s not. I shouldn’t have expected it.
Would I give up my house and grass for good friends? Probably. But it’s not even an option. My husband would never consider moving for various reasons.
I do understand you, op even though my challenges are so different than yours.
Do you get to go away in the summer? Can you look forward to the grassy outdoors for 2 months?
I hope that even if you don’t end up living with much grass, at least you should have a larger apartment.
May Hashem send us both menuchas hanefesh with each of our challenging situations.

amother

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 1:54 am

amother Lightpink wrote:

Thank you for your understanding. I'm looking now at sun mimicking lamps. Do they really feel like sun? I'm hesitant about the headphones because I need to be able to hear inside noise like a baby crying etc.

amother

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 1:55 am

amother Geranium wrote:

Is Monsey an option? You'd have to find new schools (not pashut!!) and a shul, but there's chassidim everywhere, and you get SO much more for your money and so much more space everywhere you look.

Is it true that it's impossible to get into schools there? That's what I read here on this website....

amother

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 1:59 am

amother Topaz wrote:

Wow, it's good to hear from the other side. Sounds hard on your end!!!

The funny thing is though that although I live surrounded by people, I have almost nothing to do with anyone! Theres just so many people around but none that I would consider friends.....

I wish we could go away in the summer but my husband and I both work and anyway we cant afford it. We didn't step out at all the whole summer. Maybe that's why I feel so depressed about this....
I discussed going away for sukkos instead, but I wasn't aware of the extreme pricing for that....

amother

Rainbow

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 2:09 am

It’s so hard. As a city dwelling nature lover, I try to go, with my family, to the surrounding parks often. The city has a lot to offer.

I take walks in the quieter neighborhood and l focus on all the nice flowers and plant growing around homes.

Chances are that you will need to move in the next few years so try to hold onto the hope and longing to keep you going.

There are schools in Monsey that let in, maybe just the ones with the most rules.

amother

Broom

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 2:18 am

OP I hope that you can sit with your DH and discuss what can be done. I really hope you can get a larger home in a more suburban area with grass and trees. I am not from NY so I really don't know those areas. Hatzlacha and much Bracha.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 2:22 am

I was like you. I love nature and also felt like I was suffocating without it, so for that and other reasons I moved to Monsey from the city. But my kids sit inside on my head all day and don't bother going out to the grassy yard. We could only afford a small place in a neighborhood where they have no friends to play with, so they stay inside and kill each other (and my nerves) all day. They probably played outside more in Brooklyn where they had a whole block of friends and actual sidewalks to ride their bikes on, which Monsey does not have. I myself also got more fresh air in Brooklyn, where you can walk and take busses everywhere. Here, it's house to car to mega store, and you can stay inside for literally weeks unless you make deliberate time for being outdoors. And again, there's not much space to walk outdoors because it's not set up for pedestrians.
No pun intended, but the grass really is always greener on the other side.

amother

Clover

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 2:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for validating!
I've tried and he was stubborn. We're chasidish so he wants somewhere where he can raise the kids that way.

Try Europe: Antwerp or Vienna.

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 9:55 am

I totally understand you. I don't live in Brooklyn but in a place people dream about living. There are some amazing things about it but I am feeling squashed here. I could never afford a house here. My friends left and it is so hard here to make friends. It is so expensive. Very expensive. And not safe anymore. So much crime I can't go out at night for a walk. I want my own space, to feel safe walking around at night. To feel comfortable letting my kids run down the block ahead of me. Or to a friend around the corner. Ride their bikes.

I want to move.

amother

Steelblue

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 10:55 am

I moved to Staten Island about 7 years ago. Awesome decision.
Kids stayed in the same school, I kept my littles local.
We have a nice, spacious house, beautiful backyard and lots of neighbors. We're a friendly bunch and always ready for more!!
The travel time to Brooklyn is about 25-40 minutes, (40 at rush hour).
Keep in mind that Linden is about 20 minutes further, and not super close to BP.

amother

Peachpuff

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 11:02 am

Same I love staten island. Prices have gone up like everywhere but definitely cheaper then bp. Kids stay in same school. The travel is really not bad which I personally love, cuz I don't want to have to think about if I should go in with lots of travel, I just go cuz on average its abt 25 min to heart of bp.
People that dont drive do find it harder. Kids love it here bh too. If you have any more ? Feel free to ask...

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