AMA I am anti-babysitter and CIO

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:47 pm

amother Navy wrote:

It's an AMA thread. Who said the questions have to be helpful?

I was trying to de diplomatic, but apparently you didn’t get it.

You were nasty. It’s uncalled for. OP hasn’t been nasty at any point. She’s entitled to her own opinions and you are entitled to disagree but not to get down in the mud.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:49 pm

amother Green wrote:

I think working is good for many mothers.

Of course it can be good for many mothers. But who says that should be prioritized over what’s crucial and best for the mental and physical development of the baby?

Why can’t Mom sacrifice for the sake of her baby and delay “what’s good” for her in favor of what’s best for her child for a short while at least?

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:52 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

And how is making working moms feel guilty helpful?

Do you actually believe OP wrote here with the purpose of making Moms feel guilty? Or rather are those feelings actually coming from inside the other imas?

How about trying to actually take OP at her word that she’s hoping to be helpful and put out a new perspective which focuses more on what’s best for baby? Is she not entitled to do that? Why is she getting bashed if her intentions are good? People’s reactions are not her responsibility, those are coming from the others, not OP.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:55 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Op sounds entitled and privileged. Same way she can voice her options others can voice theirs. Do you really think most moms don't know whats best for their baby?? Seriously. How many people are actually thrilled to go back to work 6 weeks postpartum? And in today's economy most responsible women will not quit their jobs to be a sahm because the op of this thread said to.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:55 pm

This post makes me nauseous.
And seeing the 32 pages in one day, I am guessing I am not alone in this feeling.

OP I only read the 1st page and I saw you said there you are not lucky for your choices - YOU. ARE. LUCKY. Period. You are LUCKY that you were able to stay home financially, mentally, emotionally.
My husband does work. Hard. Mentally I cannot be a sahm. And 'giving up for my baby's emotional health' - it is not healthy for my baby to be home with a mentally unstable mother. So yeah, count your blessings.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:57 pm

fleetwood wrote:

This whole thread is disgusting. As if every mom wouldn't love to be able to stay home with the kids. I can't believe such a thread is allowed to go on! So hurtful to those who literally have no choice.

This thread isn’t directed at people who “literally have no choice.” Maybe read through before you make incorrect assumptions and express your outrage.

Ema of 5

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:02 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Huh?
You think Yocheved's plan was to leave her kids with babysitters?

I don’t know what her plan was, I didn’t ask her. What I DO know is that she was a busy woman. I doubt that any woman of her time was staying home. I don’t know how they took care of their kids, especially when they were having 6 at a time. I think this is a very poor example.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:02 pm

Cheiny wrote:

This thread isn’t directed at people who “literally have no choice.” Maybe read through before you make incorrect assumptions and express your outrage.

She said numerous times and ways she can be a sahm because she made good choices, which implies that those who don't stay home made bad choices.

amother

Navy

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:02 pm

Cheiny wrote:

This thread isn’t directed at people who “literally have no choice.” Maybe read through before you make incorrect assumptions and express your outrage.

"You abuse and neglect your kids, but we're not criticizing you because we know you had no choice. We're criticizing those other monsters who abuse their children on purpose by pretending to support their families!" So much kinder.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:05 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I think it's a great example. Shows how a baby who isn't with their mom 24/7 can still turn out amazing.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:05 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

I’ve said several times that there are many women out there who do not require the extra income that they earn working (in fact they barely bring in more money than they have to pay out to their babies’ caretakers) and they readily admit it; they simply don’t want to be home with baby every day, it’s boring, they need to get dressed up every day and have somewhere to go… yes, for some it’s a choice when there clearly are other options.

Then there are others who could make out just fine without the second income, especially for the year or two when baby is very young; but again they choose not to because they want the higher standard of living and refuse to sacrifice it for even that year or two.

We’ve said many times as well that if someone has exhausted other options and has no choice, that’s something entirely different.

I personally agree that the first two sets of women are being selfish and aren’t putting baby before their own desires. And I’m not talking forever, I’m talking for at least the first year or two.

For those who can comfortably put off going to work until the child is in school but choose not to for frivolous reasons, I agree they’re making a mistake.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:08 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

She said numerous times and ways she can be a sahm because she made good choices, which implies that those who don't stay home made bad choices.

That’s your conclusion. What if she means only that perhaps women should first weigh whether they might have other options available to them before just following the crowd and automatically going to work which has become standard…

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:10 pm

amother Navy wrote:

Is that a direct quote? If not, remove your quotes because you’re being dishonest and attributing remarks to her that she never made.

Why the need to exaggerate and obfuscate if you believe in your position? Make your case with positive statements about it instead of attacking hers.

Ema of 5

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:13 pm

Cheiny wrote:

This thread isn’t directed at people who “literally have no choice.” Maybe read through before you make incorrect assumptions and express your outrage.

I might have to say shehecheyanu, but I agree with fleetwood, and I HAVE read through the entire thread. The way the OP was worded, and in many other threads throughout, the OP did NOT make a differentiation. Even her apology wasn’t an apology. This thread is hurtful to many.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:14 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

She said numerous times and ways she can be a sahm because she made good choices, which implies that those who don't stay home made bad choices.

It’s strange that you concluded that because I specifically saw her say that she has no problem if someone has exhausted other options and still has no other way.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:22 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Don’t be too sure. And trust but verify.

My dc’s babysitter (older woman who has a very good reputation, all my neighbors had used her for years, etc) was told I didn’t want dc planted in front of a screen and I found out that she did indeed do so.

Unfortunately you can’t just automatically trust or assume that even the so called best babysitters are going to follow your instructions at all times, or adhere to the same values you do, much less when it comes to those who have turned out to be really bad…

We have cameras. I know exactly what goes on in my house