AMA I am anti-babysitter and CIO

amother

Navy

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:03 pm

Op, how long were you married before you were pregnant with your first child?

How long did it take your husband to complete his degree?

How did you support yourself while he was in school and you were a sahm?

How many years did it take your husband to go from earning 40k to 130k to 300k?

How far apart are your other children spaced out in age?

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:08 pm

amother Navy wrote:

how long were you married before you were pregnant with your first child? 7 months

How long did it take your husband to complete his degree? 2.5 years

How did you support yourself while he was in school and you were a sahm? We both worked odd jobs in the evenings/summer

How many years did it take your husband to go from earning 40k to 130k to 300k? 6

How far apart are your other children spaced out in age? 2-3 years.

ETA: my husband actually earns a little under $300k.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:09 pm

OP, did you have a babysitter watching your kids when you spent hours on this thread? I genuinely hope your children weren’t at risk of abuse or neglect while you typed away on the internet in the middle of chol hamoed.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:38 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

The point I was making is that it happened because that’s how Hashem orchestrated it to be. It didn’t happen because Batya specifically wanted him to be with Yocheved. It didn’t happen because Yocheved wanted it to be that way. Yocheved sent her child away at 3 months to save his life. She didn’t know that she would see him again.

Presumably Yocheved planned on being a SAHM. Barring extenuating circumstances, such as an edict that all Jewish boys be drowned in the river, or laws that mandated that women work in Mizraim's fields, the women stayed home with their children.

Ema of 5

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 12:49 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Yocheved was NOT a sahm, she and her daughter were midwives. Given the rate at which the women were having children, I think it’s fair to guess that her time was very divided.

mig100

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:52 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

You cannot be in BMG and pursue a degree at the same time. We asked.

And it's still difficult to get transcripts. Not impossible, but difficult.

Which is a moot point because how many boys are capable of doing college level work anyway.

I dont know what your situation is. There are definitely bachurim who have gotten permission to do pcs or similar programs while in BMG. Im guessing they wont allow for the first few years they are in BMG

And I personally know many men who have left bmg after many years and gone onto prestigious medical and law schools. Even IV leage

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 3:34 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Is this supposed to be helpful?

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 3:41 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

In what way?

I have heard him say clearly that although it is not ideal for mothers to send their babies to a babysitter, if there is no other choice because the father is learning in kollel it must be done. Try to minimize it as much as possible, but it must be done.

When have you heard him say otherwise? He says men should leave kollel so that mothers should be home with their babies? I don't think so.

You forgot to mention the “if there is no other choice,” and the, “Try to minimize it as much as possible,” last time, didn’t you.

I’d bet you might have not gotten the rest of his remarks accurately either… context is everything.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 3:44 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

Yocheved was NOT a sahm, she and her daughter were midwives. Given the rate at which the women were having children, I think it’s fair to guess that her time was very divided.

True. But just the fact that she nursed Moshe for the first three years of his life means she was never too far away.

Ema of 5

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 3:56 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

True. But just the fact that she nursed Moshe for the first three years of his life means she was never too far away.

But again, that wasn’t HER doing. That was how Hashem orchestrated things. Her plan was not to stay home with him.

amother

Green

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:00 pm

amother Olive wrote:

I
The reason there is so much defensiveness from those responding is because deep down we all know babies are meant to be with their mothers.

Nope I don't think so.I have had all my babies home for at least 9 monthes to a year.

My mother was a sahm. It was far from ideal in many ways. She was not cut out for it. I was jealous of my friends who had mothers who worked.

I think working is good for many mothers.

Obviously if they can't find quality babysitting that's a consideration

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:21 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Is this supposed to be helpful?

Just trying to understand OPs perspective on what it means when she says parents do the best job at taking care of their kids… does that include sitting on imamother during the day or no? My babysitter certainly knows better than to show my child a phone or computer to access internet.

amother

Dill

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Also, many people said they send their infants the babysitter but then would never let their babies cry. I’m not sure what they think is happening at the babysitter.

Wow. I posted 2 posts in this thread, neither of which you replied to. But I’ll say it again. Some people do major research into babysitters. My baby once cried for one minute so babysitter took her out of crib and she had a much later nap that day. Because I checked into babysitter and I knew she’d be like that. My baby never cried by her. I always joked with babysitter that she’s better taken care of with her than with me. And trust me, I take care of my babies well!
You have so much resentment in you, OP! Maybe learn more about other people before you judge
Also, you seem to have way too much time, posting on Imamother here. It ain’t a kuntz to be home with your kids. Your kids need your constant focus on them. Get off your soapbox and pay attention to them!

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:33 pm

amother Dill wrote:

People should just be aware that unless the babysitter or nanny allows a nanny cam and you have the actual ability to check in and see what’s happening at any point during the day, you really can’t and don’t know what’s actually happening there.

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:36 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Don’t be too sure. And trust but verify.

My dc’s babysitter (older woman who has a very good reputation, all my neighbors had used her for years, etc) was told I didn’t want dc planted in front of a screen and I found out that she did indeed do so.

Unfortunately you can’t just automatically trust or assume that even the so called best babysitters are going to follow your instructions at all times, or adhere to the same values you do, much less when it comes to those who have turned out to be really bad…

fleetwood

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:42 pm

This whole thread is disgusting. As if every mom wouldn't love to be able to stay home with the kids. I can't believe such a thread is allowed to go on! So hurtful to those who literally have no choice.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:42 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

But again, that wasn’t HER doing. That was how Hashem orchestrated things. Her plan was not to stay home with him.

Huh?
You think Yocheved's plan was to leave her kids with babysitters?

Cheiny

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 5:43 pm

amother Dill wrote:

Just a thought… do you not see your own seeming resentment, and being judgmental of OP? Not to mention the nasty comments at the end of your post. Uncalled for. She’s been respectful. If you don’t agree with her views, you have the option to pass up this thread. But no need for the snide remarks.