How not get angry and resentful

amother

Stone

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 7:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

what the hell? I did not use my phone in his presence at all. My child misbehaves so I must be a bad mother. Wow just wow.

I don’t know, maybe because you seem resentful just being a mom and doing what every mom should do?

Why is your child so eager to hurt you?

In my house 2 year olds are just babies. Sometimes they hit or kick because they aren’t getting something they want. We soothe them, cuddle them, redirect their attention etc. I’ve never encountered a baby that hurts maliciously. Maybe I haven’t seen everything yet.

And also, my kids have all grown up non violent. I’ve never seen one of my kids be physical with anyone.

amother

Mintgreen

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:05 pm

amother Stone wrote:

You haven't been around enough 2 year olds LOL

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:15 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Exactly! And that's what you should be doing with your toddler. "No hitting, two minutes in time out" or "only yummy candy for moishe because he didn't hit" ect. A 2 year old can understand consequences, but why do you need to hurt him?

because when I do what you suggest it does nothing and the misbehavior is repeated 5 minutes later. Those if you who are suggesting gentle consequences have you tried it and does it prevent repeat offenses. ?

amother

Cornsilk

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

what the hell? I did not use my phone in his presence at all. My child misbehaves so I must be a bad mother. Wow just wow.

Literally was almost all questions I asked, not judgments.

Your kid either has a medical issue or your parenting isn't working.

Not because he misbehaved. Because of the way you feel.

But kids aren't born with instruction manuals and birth alone doesn't automatically make you great at parenting. For most people there is learning involved.

Because you feel the way you do, it says the parenting isn't working. If you are feeling like you are sacrificing and resentful its just obviously not working, (short of a medical issue that is undiagnosed in your child).

I never said you were a bad mother. A bad mother doesn't go asking for others to help her.

I am really sorry for causing you to feel bad. I could keep asking a hundred questions to help you figure out where it could be reassessed to bring you a better outcome, but not if you feel that its accusing you of being guilty of everything.

Just remember, your child is literally a baby still. Two year olds are only capable of simple cause and effects.

amother

Stone

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Parenting humans isn’t a quick fix type of thing. It’s a process that drags on and on for eighteen years.

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:29 pm

amother Stone wrote:

nope I am not resentful of all that a mom is supposed to do. I clearly outlined in my op that I’m not resentful of sleepless nights, tantrums and taking care of the needs of my toddler . That’s all normal stuff. I am resentful of my child physically hurting me . I don’t think I need to be willing to put up with it or else I should outsource my parenting and not have any more kids as was recommended by that poster. That post was so off base and cruel.

Just count yourself lucky. Don’t worry my child is loved to pieces and cuddled and soothed just like your babies. But when he wants candy and doesn’t get it so he hits me or wants a drink of soda and got milk instead so threw it at me or wanted a snack and I told him to wait because I was washing my hands and he comes up in back of me and starts screaming and clawing and pinching my calves it makes me resentful.

amother

Mintgreen

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:30 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Not the ones described on this thread, no.
I’ve blown away that people literally fear for their safety around 25 pound babies.

I have a friend who has a two-year-old group and a child in the class jumped off his chair, landed on a child and broke the child's arm.
My 1 year old stabbed me with a knife, he grabbed it off of the counter while I was holding him and spun around and stabbed me. My two year old thinks it's hysterical to wake me in the morning by sitting on my head holding on to my hair and saying gidup hose (giddyup horse). Dangerous is his favorite word. "Is it dangerous? I want it!!!" When my daughter was barley 3, she pulled my wig off at the checkout. My 5 year old is completely terrified of our 2 year old neighbor. Ect, ect, ect!

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:33 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

just please stop.

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:37 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Not the ones described on this thread, no.
I’ve blown away that people literally fear for their safety around 25 pound babies.

I don’t fear for my safety but my then 22 lb baby broke my glasses on my face, scratched me hard enough to draw blood and gave me a black and blue mark when he threw a can of hearts of palm at my head. But even the smaller things he does like pushing me makes me very resentful and makes me feel mistreated and have no childhood trauma that I can say is triggering

amother

Mintgreen

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 8:48 pm

I think people are getting hung up on the fact that you keep on saying that you feel resentful. Most people would say they feel pained, hurt, saddened, stuck, helpless... But it's so hard to understand that you feel resentment. I wonder if you're using that word differently than we are thinking of it.

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 9:01 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

oh yeah I once wrote here about my child grabbing a knife (the thread was totally not even related to this topic but it came into the story) and some ima here reprimanded me over several paragraphs saying what a terrible mom I was that my child was even able to access a knife. I told her than I’m training him in samurai sword fighting lol

amother

Snowflake

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 9:05 pm

I believe you that a 22 pound baby can inflict lots of pain and damage...

Op does he like sensory things like play doh or kinetic sand? Would he sit in a highchair and mush his hands in it?

He would probably benefit from OT, for impulse control and regulation as well

I also get very upset when my 2 year old is physical with me. She doesn't do the things your son does though, but even when she hits me or pushes me- although she is so small it really feels awful...

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 9:09 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

not sure why it’s hard to understand why a mother would feel resentful when her toddler keeps on physically hurting her over and over again. I’m not hurt or insulted or saddened. Yes I am angry and resentful. I’m a good mother and give my child so much love and attention, I don’t just do the basics even it comes to physical care as well. I invest so much into him and im happy to do so but then when I get potched because I didn’t give him a lollipop I get very angry.

amother

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 9:10 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

he would probably just throw the play doh but I’m totally going to try it. Thank you!

amother

Emerald

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 9:12 pm

Just joining the thread now. I haven't read every post but op, I think your feelings are very valid and understandable. I would probably have a similar emotional reaction if my child was this way.

I don't know if it's relevant, but keep an eye out for anything concerning in development. Sometimes this kind of thing is a precursor to other challenges. Sometimes not. Meanwhile, wishing you lots of strength Hug