I'm horrified- no carseat. Wwyd?

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:46 am

amother OP wrote:

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I saw the baby being placed in their own car with no car seat and the baby wasn't belted in

How would you know the baby wasn't belted in? Unless you were peering over their shoulder you'd really have no idea.

I'm not saying this is the right things to do, but you can't make assumptions. Especially in a one off case.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:48 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

I would be passive-aggressive and offer them a car seat. Either to give them one from my car/garage in the moment or if I didn’t have one to send them one from Amazon-next day delivery, as they shouldn’t be without one. AND that I can babysit or run their errand so the baby is not in the car without a seat. I would verbalize this quite politely but without mincing words. (DH would think I should mind my own business)

B”H I have the finances to buy one (not a fancy top of the line name brand, but a Graco from Target)

Yes, passive-aggressive is my go to and it is quite effective. Feel free to throw tomatoes.

What would you think if they said...

"I know! This is so terrible. There was a scheduling mix up and my husband took the car with the car seat to work. He's 1.5 hours away and the babysitter can't keep my baby for an extra 3 hours. I asked people in my neighborhood, but no one had a seat for me. I don't have money to go an buy another seat right now. I'm pretty nervous myself to do this. I just have no other option!"

notshanarishona

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:51 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Then you get someone to go with you and hold the baby while you drive. It’s pikuach nefesh.

amother

Currant

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:51 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Simple. I don't mind babysitting the baby for 15 minutes.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:52 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Then you get someone to go with you and hold the baby while you drive. It’s pikuach nefesh.

Not everyone has someone readily available to just hop into their car and pick up the baby.

Sorry, but for a one off situation, where the 1 year old is buckled in the middle seat and being driven 3 mins away, there's nothing to say.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:53 am

amother Currant wrote:

Simple. I don't mind babysitting the baby for 15 minutes.

Okay, great. But don't judge. Say something. You don't have to passive-aggressive and horrified.

amother

Currant

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:55 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Okay, great. But don't judge. Say something. You don't have to passive-aggressive and horrified.

Huh? Who was being passive aggressive?
All I was saying is that it's not an issue if OP is willing to help and I'd assume she's willing since she cares.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:58 am

amother Currant wrote:

Huh? Who was being passive aggressive?
All I was saying is that it's not an issue if OP is willing to help and I'd assume she's willing since she cares.

Please see the post I was responding to at the top of this page to amother Yarrow...

amother

Charcoal

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:58 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

That isn't passive-aggressive as long as you actually intend to follow through if they take you up on it.

Passive-aggressive would be saying something like "No car seat?! Wow, great parenting" or "Impressive lack of care about your child's life" or "the 1970s called, they want their child car safety standards back"

seeker

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:58 am

Since op seems to know that the trip is 3-5 minutes, it implies she has some relationship with the person and therefore should say something. If it was a stranger I'd just pray because I don't know who I'd be messing with.

For the hypothetical scenario where the husband took the car seat, I'd advise calling a car service or taxi for the 3-5 min drive so parent can hold baby on their lap. Still far from ideal but on the loose the baby could get hurt just falling over even if the drive goes fine.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 10:59 am

seeker wrote:

Taxis in the USA will probably not allow a passenger to ride with an infant in their lap.

amother

Currant

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:04 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Please see the post I was responding to at the top of this page to amother Yarrow...

Ok but the post about passive aggressive was to me. So it's irrelevant who you are responding to on the top of the page.
There's no reason to call me passive aggressive.

amother

Chicory

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:05 am

amother Currant wrote:

Ok but the post about passive aggressive was to me.

And...?

She gave her opinion and I responded. This isn't a private conversation.

I checked, and she wasn't responding to anyone in particular. Not sure where you are coming from.

amother

Plum

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:08 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Taxis in the USA will probably not allow a passenger to ride with an infant in their lap.

Every city & state has different laws regarding this.
NYC law allows children under the age of 7 to be held by an adult in a taxi or uber.
Florida & Texas do not require car seats in taxi. I think Arizona as well & I'm sure same goes for many states.

amother

Currant

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:08 am

amother Chicory wrote:

And...?

She gave her opinion and I responded. This isn't a private conversation.

I checked, and she wasn't responding to anyone in particular. Not sure where you are coming from.

Don't know who you refer to as she. You responded to my post by saying no need to be passive aggressive. That's all.

amother

Yarrow

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:10 am

I’m sorry, but if there is a will there is a way. Can they walk if it is only 3-5 minutes? Can someone watch the baby? Do the errand/carpool for them? Borrow a seat? Go later?

If the person truly doesn’t have any options, that is really sad. No neighbors, no friends, no support at all. I think the best in communities and the worst in individuals. I feel like the person just assumed it will be fine and didn’t explore every possible option as I can’t imagine there were no other options if she tried hard enough and was open to other possibilities. I feel like people are embarrassed to ask for help or don’t want to “owe someone” and therefore would be more willing to just but their kid at risk. I work from home and if someone called and said, I have a major emergency-I don’t have a car seat. I know you barely know me and my baby will scream the entire time. Can you watch them for 15 minutes while I pick up my preschooler, I would say sure. No problem. I am certain I am not an anomaly and there are many other middle aged women who would do this as well, not to mention the person’s friends.

Amarante

Fri, Jan 05 2024, 11:12 am

I wouldn't say anything because it wouldn't do anything to change their behavior.

The person is just going to justify the behavior by classifying you are an interfering yenta.

There might be circumstances in which the person legitimately didn't know about car seats but in the circumstances you write about, they just seem like careless people.

I would be almost certain that if they were asked about it they would provide an "explanation" of why they didn't do it and why it wasn't necessary or even that it was up to Hashem in terms of protecting a child. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have a neighbor who doesn't use her seatbelt. If I am driving with her, I won't start the car until she has put on the seatbelt but if she is driving there isn't anything I can do about it.