Please help me understand and stop these illogical behaviors

amother

Plum

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks so much for your advice! What happens is I start off every day really well. I eat a nice wholesome healthy breakfast, and usually lunch as well. Then my kids come home from school and it’s just downhill. I’m starving at 5:00 so I eat with them, and then I eat with my husband, and then I’ll find myself snacking at night as well. I find I de-rail a ton! Let’s say yesterday, I went to the store to get a salad for lunch. They didn’t have any of the type I liked. So I ended up getting a sandwich, and then I ate my sons roll, and my other sons donut…! It’s like my good intentions don’t stick.

Many times I don’t eat bec im hungry but bec the food is SOOO GOOD. I’ll go for doubles and triples - I can’t portion control when it’s something I love. I just enjoy it too much.

It just doesn’t make sense to me bev I KNOW it’s wrong and I KNOW I’ll regret it, but I can’t stop myself. Even when I say, don’t do it, don’t do it, I feel a force pushing me to do it and that always wins.

Don’t eat anything after 5:00pm. If you can’t do 5:00pm, try for 7:00pm. I know people who lost Aton of weight this way. We tend to eat most of our calories at night.

amother

Tomato

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 11:26 pm

I can relate a lot to your situation. I’m a big emotional eater. The thing that helps me the most are finding foods I can have that are healthy or not fattening and STILL satisfy my emotional need for something comforting. For example, I’m hooked on a certain protein bar and I need my gigantic ice coffee in the morning and my diet cheesecake really gives a boost to my afternoon. Oh and I will never force myself to eat things I don’t like like a salad. This is the way that I don’t feel deprived. Find those things for yourself and splurge if you can. It’s worth it.

amother

Dill

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 11:51 pm

Another plug for intuitive eating.

The principle that resonated with me and helped me the most was that nothing is absolutely forbidden.

Knowing that if you have a craving for chocolate or some other "forbidden" food, you can have some, takes away the need to demolish a whole package in one sitting. You can always have a bit more later if you really want to. You discover that you don't really want to.....it is so freeing and empowering.

amother

Aconite

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 1:30 am

I read over 20 years ago, in a medical book, that dieting in itself was one of the biggest risks of obesity and extreme obesity.
I did not believe it then, my weight was under 120 lb for 6 ft height.

As soon as I turned 30, I started gaining weight. When I reached about 200 lb, and was in the overweight zone according to BMI, I did my first diet and lost 20 lb over a two months, mainly through exercise and eating less junk.

I gained them back and more, just like the book said.

At 220 and a bit, about 10 years later, I did my second diet. Over 9 months, I lost about 40 lb through healthy eating and exercise. I really studied the subject matter and did it as best as I could, without feeling hungry, losing no more than 2 lb a week, etc.

over 5 years, I gained it all back and more, just like the book said.

Now I am starting to be seriously overweight, but I am afraid to try losing weight, since I fear I will gain it all back.

This is just to tell you: it's not you in particular, that's part of human nature and it's well known in medicine, not only since yesterday.

In general, if you look at statistics, people are lucky if they manage to keep up a loss of 3% of their weight over two years and more. So it definitely does not pay to go down and yoyo up.

I cannot tell you what should be done, I myself would like to find a solution.

There were studies about long-term weight loss. The main ingredient is iron discipline, constant monitoring of weight, constant exercise routine, constant eating of about 1400 cal per day, and, interestingly enough, spreading those calories over 4-5 meals per day.

WhatFor

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 1:45 am

I don't know if this has anything to do with your situation, but when I was tested for ADHD, there was a whole section on the test for eating habits. Apparently it's pretty common for people with ADHD to struggle with compulsive/impulsive eating. It may be related to the issue with regulation abilities.

I'm so sorry for what you went though growing up though. People judge and have no clue what a huge role genetics plays. Just because your mother was pin thin doesn't mean you got those same genes. Some people naturally prefer sweet food and carbs. Some people's bodies don't tell them when they're full. Some people's bodies don't tell them when they're hungry. I'm sure psychology can play a role in it, especially when people start getting shamed for their eating and appearance, but truly there's so much that's dependent on genetics. I'm not saying that that means that people should just eat whatever and whenever and blame genetics. But I am saying that people shouldn't judge others or themselves for their challenges in this area.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 2:12 am

This sounds like a food addiction. Unlike heroin- you can't stop completely. However, getting to the emotional underpinnings as to why you eat the way you do, the emotional connection you have to food, and what food really means to you can help. An addictions therapist may be able to help you regain control. Especially one who works with CBT and Motivational Interviewing...
Food isn't just food. It's a whole world, an emotional support, a social life... it's not like breathing.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 3:05 am

honestly I also yo-yoed for years and only after I went to therapy, learned a lot about intuitive eating, and took away morality of food and tried to unlearn diet culture as much as possible was I able to stick to a weight for over a year. The weight is more than I might have considered to be my “goal weight” at some point in my life but it’s a size that I feel pretty and healthy in, I’m able to exercise comfortably and like how I look in my clothes, and the fact that I am eating like a normal person, exercising, and sticking within 5 lbs up or down of this weight makes me think that this is the natural weight my body should be at. When we have a restrictive and guilt mentality when it comes to eating it distorts our thinking and we cannot have a normal relationship with food.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:47 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Have you tried Overeater’s Anonymous? It sounds like you are an emotional eater. I am one too. I am doing a program (Wondr) where I don’t restrict my food but I follow guidelines about when to eat, and I don’t eat more than the daily allowed sugar allowance (9 grams for women). I have never been able to diet. Just thinking about a diet makes me want to eat. Wondr is all about the science of eating. There are videos about the psychology of eating for reasons other than hunger and loads of tools for combatting them.

By reducing my sugar, I have less cravings and sometimes I can even say no” to myself and I listen. A side benefit is my arthritis has improved.

I’m definitely an emotional eater. What kind of group is overeaters anonymous? In person?

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:48 am

amother Apricot wrote:

You don't need a diet. Go for therapy. Its much more effective. Explore the why, learn to understand your feelings, where they are coming from. The l'hachis part is childhood issues. Your mother meant well but it backfired. Its emotional not diet plan.

I agree. So what kind of therapy? Who would specialize in that?

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:49 am

amother Cornsilk wrote:

It seems like emotional eating.
The thought of restriction is making you rebellious. U had years of dieting and restriction and you’re probably sick of it.
Intuitive eating helped me with that.

Yesss. I’m telling you I think the word diet and I run for chips. It feels like a rebellion because it doesn’t make logical sense.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:51 am

amother Tomato wrote:

Smart. I go buy a salad. eat it with zero satisfaction whatsoever and then am still “hungry” bec my needs weren’t met and with then eat an unhealthy snack to fulfill that void. If I would’ve just stared with one slice of pizza, I’d probably have been better off. The dieting keeps backfiring!

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:57 am

amother Bronze wrote:

It feels like an addiction, because even while I’m engaging in the behavior I feel like it’s wrong and I should stop but I ignore the cues and keep going forward. I’ve had times where I waited outside an eatery for it to open for over a half hour. That’s not okay. I’ll eat something once, and love it, and then go back a hundred times to get that item. I’ll pay with cash so my husband won’t see the obsessive behaviors. Definitely feels like addiction when that happens.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 8:58 am

amother Brunette wrote:

What kind of therapy? Yes, I believe it’s about the RELATIONSHIP with food that’s the core problem.

amother

Cantaloupe

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:06 am

I agree that therapy and learning about intuitive eating would be really helpful for you.

You restricted so many times over your life and deprived yourself. No wonder your brain isn't cooperating anymore. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. It's not about willpower. You put in tremendous effort for so long. It makes sense that you feel like you "just can't anymore".

amother

Teal

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:08 am

amother OP wrote:

OA- overeaters anonymous is a known and effective solution to addiction to food and all the crazy things it makes us do. It has been a miracle for me. I have learned what triggers me both behaviorally, emotionally and food wise. It is possible to shed the pounds and live feeling free!
There are many online meets and some local on person ones. You can find them on their website. I know Lakewood has in person meetings.
Hashem should send you peace and clarity and guide you to the solution that is right for you.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Hiding it, facing consequences (or believed consequences such as how family will react), spending a lot of time on it, doing more than what you wanted/intended, the hyperfocus at times, do it hoping to feel better.... all signs of addiction. Substitute alcohol or heroin or any other drug for the food in this situation and you wouldn't question the addiction. "I'm not just drinking, I am an alcoholic".
See a licensed therapist who is familiar with addictions.
Hatzlacha