How to explain to DD why she is changing classes?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 1:06 am

For a variety of reasons and after much eitza, struggling, and deliberating, we have decided to switch DDs class in school after the school year began 2 weeks ago. (A big issue is she is very unhappy due to some cliques in the classroom). It was just confirmed today in the school that she will be switching after Rosh Hashana. We are planning on telling her today after school and explaining that we want her to be happy at school and that we feel moving classes is the best way to have a good experience in school...

2 questions 1. what else should be added without saying bad about the current class (she understands that she is unhappy and why but should we accentuate this?) and 2. she is going to see the kids from her previous class all the time (playground, lunch, shul), what should we tell her to tell her peers in the previous class when they ask why she left?

TIA

chatz

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 1:26 am

Do you have to give a reason? Once you give a reason, it can be "why" "reason" "but why" "reason" until you get yourself into an uncomfortable tangle. You definitely don't want to badmouth the current class.

Why can't it be more along the lines of "the school decided to switch your class" "why?" "that's what they decided. Sometimes schools decide to switch girls from one class to another even after school has started." Nothing personal and nothing against the former class.

Even if you tell her what you wrote above about switching her to make her happy, it can just end there. "We've decided to switch your class because we feel you would be happier in the new class." "but why?" "because we feel you would be happier in the new class." "What's wrong with my class right now?" "nothing, but we feel you would like it better in the new one" and repeat...

much hatzlacha!

amother

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 1:35 am

OP here:
I hear that..thanks for your reply

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 6:20 am

How old is she? I think that response works for younger kids, but older kids deserve more of an explanation. What IS the reason you're switching her class?

ElTam

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 6:37 am

I think you need to give her an answer, that the Torah says each child should be taught al pi darcho, in the way that is best for him/her and that both teachers/classes are great, but she is switching to the one that fits her style of learning and her needs.

Chippies

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 8:19 am

My 3 year old switched classes last year in the middle of the year. It was obviously not ideal, but absolutely necessary and the best decision we ever made for him. When we found out that he was going to switch, the reason we gave was that his friends in the other class (he had two friends there) really wanted him to join their class. We also said that the morah in the other class knows him from shul (though my son didn't remember her) and also really wants him to come into her class. I made no mention of his current class at all. He thought the whole situation was strange, but wow did he feel welcomed and sooooo happy from day 1 of joining the new class. My advice is to make sure that you talk with the new teacher before starting your daughter there and see if maybe you should bring her to school a little late the first day so that the teacher can spend extra time welcoming her, and bring one or two friends to show her around the classroom, just to help her feel welcomed.

Hope it goes well!

Chippies

Thu, Sep 13 2012, 8:24 am

And for this question: 2. she is going to see the kids from her previous class all the time (playground, lunch, shul), what should we tell her to tell her peers in the previous class when they ask why she left?

I would just say to tell her peers that the teacher/principal (whoever gave the final OK) decided to switch her. It's really not her decision at all. I think she should just leave it at that!

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