Tipping with mm? | Imamother

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 11 2016, 2:31 pm

suzyq wrote:

I don't think she was saying that people with 9 kids definitely have no manners - I think she was saying in general, if parents don't teach manners to kids, the kids won't have manners, and therefore, the teacher isn't going to favor them.

I go out of my way to be nice to my kids' morahs, and to complain only when it's something that really is an issue, because, honestly, I know it makes a difference in how my kids are treated, fair or not. I also go out of my way to teach my children manners and you better believe that my 2-year old knows to say please and thank you.

All that being said, I don't believe that money is what makes your children get treated better - it's the appreciation. I don't necessarily give lots of money, but I make sure my kids' morahs get thanks when they go above and beyond, and that they know I truly appreciate the hard work they do (because it is hard!). Sadly, my son had a morah who told me I was the ONLY parent who thanked her for taking care of their child (he had an especially rough day and I made sure to thank her for taking such good care of him) not on a day specified for thanking. That's pathetic.

The other poster was using the fact there was 9 kids in the family as justification not to be polite. Whether there is 9 or 2 kids, it is important to teach manners. Those with good manners are less of putting and therefore treated better.

watergirl

Fri, Mar 11 2016, 2:54 pm

amother wrote:

I think there is a disconnect here. There must be. So the parents have bad manners. Fab. But lets say the kids of said parents are great. They dont get treated nicely by you? Because their PARENTS didnt send you a card?

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 11 2016, 4:53 pm

watergirl wrote:

The disconnect is that you think because Nechuma is one of 9 kids and her father learns in khollel that is an acceptable reason not to say thank you. Saying thank you is common decency. I can't believe you wrote such a thing. Having a large family and learning doesn't equal a pass on manners.

Nechuma learns from her parents. And she probably thinks she is also above saying thank you also. The kids who say thank you are the children of parents who themselves are gracious - no matter how many siblings. Children model what they learn.

No matter how difficult life is, one should still be gracious. I had a dying husband and two sick kids. And I was running between two hospitals. My late husband told me to bring pastries to the nurses.

Do I think it made a difference to the quality of the care? No! But I think the smiles and the special hellos and thank you for the treats made the situation marginally pleasanter.

watergirl

Fri, Mar 11 2016, 6:01 pm

amother wrote:

Show me where I said that. I never said its acceptable not to say thank you. I said that maybe they just dont - you arent going to be nice to that kid? Yes, of course kids learn from their parents. Regardless, there are so many times when we see gems coming out of the rubble. Look in tanach! You dont have to turn so many pages to find nasty parents and amazing kids. Some parents have poor social skills and just dont - for whatever reason. Thats not me saying its ok. Its me saying that every student gets the same treatment.

Your posts are making me think that you have very little proper training in education, and in sensitivity. Education 101: not every parent will be kind and gracious. Teach in a public school. Teach in a low socioeconomic school. Read chicken soup for the teachers soul and you will learn about a basic fact - EVERY CHILD IS TREATED THE SAME.

I know I Started this thread but I am getting too upset at what I am reading. Its enough. And now I have more appreciation for all of the schools where I taught that prohibitied gifts.

Tablepoetry

Sat, Mar 12 2016, 4:32 pm

I don't buy all this whitewashing, that tipping makes no difference to a rebbe or teacher. I mean really, if a rebbe receives an elaborate MM with a hefty tip, he will be influenced whether he likes it or not. He won't think of it as a bribe, but he will feel uncomfortable if he needs to seriously discipline or to fail that child. He likely will find some reason to go easy on the kid.
As for the whole discussion on manners. This is so culturally based. In many, many schools/cultures/societies it is unheard of to tip the teacher (for those who say it's good manners), and it is even uncommon to send a personal thank-you note. Maybe those parents who don't send are not being impolite, they are just not in the 'know' for whatever reason.

amother

Cyan

Sat, Mar 12 2016, 7:05 pm

watergirl wrote:

You and Tablepoetry missed the point that generally it is the polite parents who have polite children. I noticed that the children who say thank you and are polite are the ones whose parents also say thank you.

I never said anywhere that nasty parents can't have nice kids. I found that it is more usual that the home environment forms the children rather than there is a complete disconnect. I have found a very small percentage of kids who present radically different than their parents.

The kid who never acknowledges they did anything wrong and are quick to blame everyone else also tend to have parents who are the same. They will look to pass off every responsibility for raising their child. It is tough to work with children whose parents don't care if their child misbehaves or doesn't make any efforts.

The parents who care and will work to improve issues have better kids - nicer, work harder, etc This is really no surprise.