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Boss yelled at me. Am so sad :(

 
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:14 pm
My boss yelled at me for half hour straight. I just got home home now and cant stop crying. She expects perfect and fast work. Shes doesn't realize, all the nitty gritty details that goes into the work nor does she understand why it takes so much time. (I've tried explaining nicely a few times, but it hasn't helped much passed a few days). She almost never appreciates anything I do. I'm responsible, come on time, don't take a lot of breaks and am dedicated....She ended off that I'm basically on probation for the next few weeks.

A tiny drop of me is happy. I don't enjoy the work (maybe if my boss were different, I would not find it so bad). I feel slightly depressed every time I go there and have dreamed a few time of losing the job since I cant get myself to quite. The reason being because the job has very flexible hours, is right near me, pays really well considering my level of education and experience, has great benefits and ect.... and I know its very unlikely that I'm going to find something like this again.

Anyways just feel so sad about getting yelled at like that. Guess I'm just looking for some hugs Smile.
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Chayalle









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:21 pm
If she just had a bad day, I would move on and forget about it. However, if this is normal behavior for your boss, I'd be job hunting.

Years ago I had a boss like this, and I put up with her for far too long. Then one coworker transferred to another department, and another coworker found a better job. I realized I deserved better treatment, and found a better job (where I've been working, and have been appreciated ever since.) At my exit interview, I was asked if there was any reason 3 employees left that department in six months, but I was too scared to burn my bridges. I was young then....
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Luvme









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:32 pm
Wow. That's so hard to go through.
So demeaning. Does she do this to everyone or just have picks and pets?
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Blessing1









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:36 pm
Hugs to you! No person deserves to be yelled at. You need to stand up for yourself and not take it. I think tomorrow you should explain firmly that you won't take such yelling.
I had this with my male boss. Once I was firm with him & put my foot down, he was so shocked & never opened his mouth to me again.
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smileyfaces









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:43 pm
Hugs!!
It's not worth it to be at a job that you dread going to. There's a big shortage of dedicated workers, try to find a new job!
Hope it gets better!!
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 2:56 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
Hugs to you! No person deserves to be yelled at. You need to stand up for yourself and not take it. I think tomorrow you should explain firmly that you won't take such yelling.
I had this with my male boss. Once I was firm with him & put my foot ydown, he was so shocked & never opened his mouth to me again.



I couldn't disagree more. I don't believe in changing people, especially a boss who is an adult and probably used to yelling and trampling on people. The boss might be 20 years older than the op and likely will not be receptive to constructive criticism on any level. A lot of the things the op describe about her job are very important. Close to home, good pay, flexible hours are hard to find in a job. The problem is that if this type of behavior from the boss happens to often it can be very depressing to work there. Op, can you look for another job while keeping this one for awhile longer? Maybe you can find something that has at least some of the qualities this current job has witjin a more pleasant working environment.
Hatzlacha!
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amother




Puce


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:04 pm
I understand that we can't change anyone except ourselves. However, to some extent, we convey to others how to treat us and what we will tolerate (I'm not talking about outright abuse) in a work relationship.

There is NOTHING wrong with quietly and respectfully stating that it is not OK to yell at me and I am open to critique of my work that is provided respectfully. To be honest, I struggle with doing this and would rather leave and cut my losses, but it is not to my credit. Standing up for yourself is the right thing to do especially if you like the job. You can say this all firmly and respectfully. No one has the right to talk to you like that for half an hour. And if you're fired, at least then you can collect unemployment which you can't if you quit before finding something else.
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debsey









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:32 pm
amother wrote:
I understand that we can't change anyone except ourselves. However, to some extent, we convey to others how to treat us and what we will tolerate (I'm not talking about outright abuse) in a work relationship.

There is NOTHING wrong with quietly and respectfully stating that it is not OK to yell at me and I am open to critique of my work that is provided respectfully. To be honest, I struggle with doing this and would rather leave and cut my losses, but it is not to my credit. Standing up for yourself is the right thing to do especially if you like the job. You can say this all firmly and respectfully. No one has the right to talk to you like that for half an hour. And if you're fired, at least then you can collect unemployment which you can't if you quit before finding something else.


100% agree. One of my major pushes to finally start my own business, even though it was scary, was that I was being abused in my last job, with a supervisor who yelled at me, demeaned me, and broke promises. I didn't even realize how grinding it was, until I quit and suddenly, everything got better. Even my health got better! I realized then how demoralizing it was to get up every day and go into an environment where you never know if you're going to be treated badly. It was like night and day for me.
Just saying calmly - in the future, when you want XYZ done, this is how long it takes, and this is how much time I have for it. I'd appreciate constructive criticism, because I want to do well for you and earn my paycheck, but last time, it felt like I was being yelled at (I'm using "I" statements purposely - "I was being yelled at" not "You were yelling")

OTOH, if she has some sort of personality disorder, standing up to her may make it worse, so you might want to do that once you have something else lined up.
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amother




Wine


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 3:54 pm
I have a boss like that Too. Her mood changes literally from one minute to the next . One minute she's yelling at me and the next she's praising me that I'm the best worker she ever had
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flowerpower









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 4:01 pm
I would email her saying in a really nice way how you felt hurt by her yelling. She may have been under a lot of stress and given it out on you. Not acceptable. I had a boss that yelled at his employees all the time. We all marched down to his office and demanded that he must end it.
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Bizzydizzymommy









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 4:16 pm
I was once yelled at by a boss. This boss really liked me but he had anger management issues. He yelled at me for something that didn't even have to do with me. He had my manager call me later to apologize, but he didn't have the guts to call me directly which showed me he was really a coward. But, I came back to work and sent him a very polite email stating that I enjoy my job and working for him. But I will not accept being yelled at and if it would happen again I will have to leave. He replied with a sincere apology and it never happened again.
OP, being yelled at hurts and is demeaning. Tomorrow you should very politely speak up for yourself. If she flies off the handle again then she doesn't deserve having you as an employee and you should look for greener pastures.
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 4:36 pm
Thanks for the hugs and for everyone who responded. Am feeling slightly better now.

This is not the first time this happened although it was the worst. it doesn't happen every day, but almost every time she checks my work she finds something to get angry about. She hardly every complements me. once in a long while I'll get a thank you or maybe once every six months she'll say nice job. At my old job sure my bosses criticized my work, but they also complicated me to somtimes and really appreciated a lot that I did. I miss them, but I moved away so its not an option to go back there.

I honestly try the best I could. If she would tell me something like "I see your trying very hard and I appreciate your devotion but I think this job may not be a good fit for you. Lets try a few more weeks and see how it goes" then ok I'd be upset but not this much.

I've been there a few years already. Its a very small office its just me and one other new worker. The person I took over told me there was one other person who worked there whom she took over. I asked why she was leaving and she said something about how she found something closer to home, maybe I should have looked into it better....

I think I would do as debsey said and say firmly but nicely that in the future, when you want XYZ done, this is how long it takes, and this is how much time I have for it. I'd appreciate constructive criticism, because I want to do well for you and earn my paycheck, but last time, it felt like I was being yelled at.

At the same time I trying to figure out a plan so I'd be less scared of being fired. I'm going to try and crunch the number with dh tonight and see if we could live off unemployment for a few months. I would love to be able to take ds out of daycare for a few months and spend some time with him. I think emotionally I will feel so much better having a little break after this. Would be nice not to feel stressed out. Or maybe I could do something small from home or babysit one or two kids (I love babys) I dont think this is a long term solution but in the short term I think it will be good for me although I have to see if we could afford that.

I'm just wondering if I do that, will I have a harder time finding another job - since there will be a "space" in my resume? Am also worried about the money aspect - I dont think I'll find another job with that pay....
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Seas









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 6:05 pm
At one time I was working for someone in a certain industry, and I kept getting insulted by the boss. Every few day I used to come home and vent to my husband, and his reply was always the same: in this relationship she's the boss and you the employee. If you don't like the work condition, get out and find something else, but let go of the delusion that you'll somehow educate her, as this simply won't happen.

Anyway, fast forward some time, I left and started out on my own, and bh am making more than I did there.

(As an aside, now that I have the perspective of an employer, I do see things slightly different. While I don't scream at my employees the way my old boss did, I do understand why she was upset or frustrated about certain things.)
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MagentaYenta









  


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 6:27 pm
Seas wrote:
At one time I was working for someone in a certain industry, and I kept getting insulted by the boss. Every few day I used to come home and vent to my husband, and his reply was always the same: in this relationship she's the boss and you the employee. If you don't like the work condition, get out and find something else, but let go of the delusion that you'll somehow educate her, as this simply won't happen.

Anyway, fast forward some time, I left and started out on my own, and bh am making more than I did there.

(As an aside, now that I have the perspective of an employer, I do see things slightly different. While I don't scream at my employees the way my old boss did, I do understand why she was upset or frustrated about certain things.)


All workers deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of the errors they may make.
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amother




Smokey


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 10:03 pm
FYI- In order for you to be eligible for unemployment benefits, you need to be fired. You cannot quit. Do not rely on that money, unless your boss officially fires you.
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amother




Jetblack


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:32 pm
I understand you. My boss adds descriptions to my job I get less than 2000$ a month. Im owed November and Im treated sometimes like dirt! If you find a job just remember there always be that someone who will be nasty.
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amother




Coral


Post  Tue, Jan 10 2017, 11:44 pm
amother wrote:
FYI- In order for you to be eligible for unemployment benefits, you need to be fired. You cannot quit. Do not rely on that money, unless your boss officially fires you.


Fyi, at my work place we have someone who quit and still filed for and received unemployment. The papers from the Department of Labor clearly state that he left voluntarily and we have called dept of labor to clarify and they said he still is eligible for unemployment. (Which we are upset about cuz we know he's working now, but off the books. But not gonna report a frum guy )
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