Why is she so clingy?????

amother

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 8:58 am

amother cornflower wrote:

I have a feeling that spending more time with her won’t necessarily help. Pandas kids can be like a bottomless pit when it comes to attention needs.
I would however make a scheduled time per week that is just hers. At least a half hour. Whenever and whatever works for you, because if you do something you don’t want to do you’ll burn out too quickly.

Why are pandas kids a bottomless pit for attention? I was not aware of this. How does that connect to the tics?

justforfun87

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 8:58 am

I breastfed my son til 2 and he also was in/out of our bed until probably 8 years old. He is now 11 and totally independent and NOT clingy like my other girls. I believe it is a personality type.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 9:05 am

amother OP wrote:

Why are pandas kids a bottomless pit for attention? I was not aware of this. How does that connect to the tics?

It’s not really related to the tics but it is somewhat. Pandas kids sort of have malfunctioning brains (not really but it’s the best way I know how to explain it). Tics from from the malfunction, and the emotional immaturity also comes from the part of the brain that’s responsible for people knowing what’s appropriate and what isn’t. The bottomless pit thing is the same thing that helps a person figure out time management type of things. Some people have no idea ever what time or day it is. It’s the same thing as never having the “I’ve had enough time/attention/food etc” feeling. The part of the brain that gives them this feeling is sort of
broken.

I hope I explained this correctly.

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 9:11 am

I agree with pandas.

I also have a daughter who was breastfed and coslept with me for 2.5 years. I also felt very confused/betrayed when she turned out highly anxious.

I've since learned that attachment parenting is only a small part of the equation. Unfortunately, brain wiring is affected by so many other things.

There is healing to be found, but it's not about more attention, more attachment or more of anything like that. It's in healing the immune system and ensuing central nervous system damage.

amother

Quince

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 2:21 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Maybe. But a lot of kids sleep with their parents longer than that and they're fine, even if it's not socially acceptable. The idea of attachment is you let the young child be close to you whenever they feel the need, and then they will feel secure enough to venture out. The idea from the 50's that you should prop bottles and have your newborn sleep in a different room and not hold them too much, etc., and continuing with that sort of thing in toddlerhood too, was proved to be exactly the wrong way to encourage confident attachment and independence.

Who knows what's going on with this particular 11 year old but some of it is personality, and 11 is an age of flux and big emotions. Adolescence is, scarily enough, on the horizon.

its very interesting cos one would think that getting them used to being independent when they are very young would make them confidant and independent like you train them how to behave, torah and mitzvos, it should become ingrained and its so much easier and better when they are young...
interesting that this has opposite effect.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 7:43 pm

amother Quince wrote:

When you give children of X age what they need when they are X age, they will be ready for what they need at Y age when they are Y age. Studies show that children actually do worse academically starting in middle elementary school when academics are pushed too early.

Children are very good at knowing and telling us what they need.

I don't necessarily believe in training the way some people use that word. But when you model, they get there when they get there.

Once you think about it, it does make sense that small children need that foundation of security. When they know they can always run back to Mommy, that gives them the confidence to go out and explore. Children without that are insecure and draw back. Biologically they need that mothering to feel safe, because they would be in danger if they were alone in the world.

amother

Teal

Wed, Mar 01 2023, 7:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

She would come in the middle of the night.
She is very sensory. I have no problem giving a hug and a kiss. I just really mind if she squishes herself next to me. I get touched out too. I have infant multiples and I'm overwhelmed. She also wants dates with me just me and her. I know she wants my attention.

It sounds like you and your dd are both overwhelmed.

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 12:06 am

I have an 8 year old like this, and OT helped him a lot, sensory diet etc. And I know you have your hands full with the other kids, but if she's anxious, try and get a babysitter or helper to give you a little pocket of time occassionally that you CAN just take her out and spend an hour together. It's a good investment, and the other kids won't feel it as much.

amother

Cherry

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:23 am

OP, I see you mentioned you have twin infants. It is very normal for older kids to act out and become more demanding after mom has a new baby. And with twins, even more so. She see's that you're so busy with the babies, and perhaps she feels that you don't have any time and energy left for her. She may be nervous that she'll be forgotten about so she makes sure to remind you about herself be demanding attention.