Comment to DH at restaurant, WWYD?

taketwo

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 11:40 pm

Sweetmommy wrote:

For all you saying it is normal for the waitress to say 'I am your dessert menu'. How does that make sense?
She could've said I will tell you your dessert options.
Would it make sense to say 'I am your payment' when telling someone your cc #?
'I am' is very very strange wording.

If there is no specific dessert menu and it's the waitresses job to let them know dessert option, what is so terrible with saying "I am the dessert menu"? It's kind of like when someone says "I am your man" when they offer their specific service. They don't mean "I am your husband, they man, I am the man who can help you in this specific regard.

Queen Of Hearts

Sat, Sep 02 2023, 11:46 pm

taketwo wrote:

Dunno I am your dessert menu sounds dirty.
I am your man sounds less so.
Also, we are missing a lot of info.
Did she say it in a flirtatious manner?
Did she proceed to list the dessert menu?
If she said it with a straight face and then listed desserts, I would say it might have been an innocent comment.

OP, can we have more info?

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 6:32 am

I can't help noticing that OP never returned to answer any of the questions people asked for clarification. Not even to say "IDK because I wasn't there."

IMHO it's none of OP business. If anyone should call to complain it should be the man who thinks he was being flirted with. However, I would advise against it. Restaurant wait staff work very hard and are paid well below minimum wage because there is an assumption that they will be generously tipped. They're not exactly doctors and lawyers who are paid lavishly and therefore danged well better act "professional." A complaint could get this young woman fired, and for all you know she's a divorced mother of three just barely getting by. Nobody takes a job waiting tables in a restaurant unless they can't get anything better or are a journalist doing research for a tell-all expose of the industry.

And OP's husband would look awfully stupid if it turns out that this is how all the waiters in this restaurant express themselves.

amother

Celeste

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 6:50 am

[quote="amother Fern"]It's always better to er on the sides of caution.
You should definitely call the restaurant, you can say that you're sure it's nothing but in case it is you'll feel much better having reported it.[/quote]
Yes one should be extremely cautious not to hurt another innocent human being. Especially in elul.
I think this shows what's on your husband's mind, and yours as well.I don't think she meant that at all.

amother

Fern

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 6:57 am

amother Celeste wrote:

Yes one should be extremely cautious not to hurt another innocent human being. Especially in elul.
I think this shows what's on your husband's mind, and yours as well.I don't think she meant that at all.

Thanks for turning my point into something negative 🙄
If you're so worried about hurting others in Elul, what's with this post? That's called hypocrisy.

imaima

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 7:09 am

B'Siyata DiShamaya wrote:

Sorry, I now see all your comments through the prism of your recent comments , your dc is giving one opinion and its a sad one.
Successful businesses encourage and heed feedback from their customers. I would imagine that the next time the OPs FIL comes to town they will choose to eat elsewhere.

What feedback? Someone who wasn’t in the restaurant calls to complain about something that she thinks sounds flirty, but isn’t…

WhatFor

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 7:11 am

amother OP wrote:

My husband made it sound like the comment was jokingly insinuating something, she also gave my FIL an alcoholic drink for free but told him not to tell anyone so it seems like she was being flirty with them all night.

Unless the server is an owner/senior staff, I'd be surprised if she was the one who made the decision to give them free alcohol. Do servers really have the liberty to go to the bartenders and ask for alcohol without putting it on someone's bill?

Also, she brought a free drink to FIL and then answered "I'm the dessert menu" to a separate person, DH. What's the concern here? That she's trying to get with both FIL and DH?

Without more information, it seems like a case of a woman being friendly (in this case it's her job), and the men around her thinking it means something more.

To give a way more extreme example, this reminds me of the time in sem that I was standing in the rova with a group of people and this (creep of) a guy insisted that some other sem girl was trying to show off her bottom because of the way she was standing while talking to friends. Her lascivious crime? She was resting on one leg more than the other, so one of her hips stuck out the tiniest bit. When I explained to the guy that her posture had nothing to do with him, she was simply leaning more on one leg than the other, you know the way we all shift our weight as we're standing still, he dismissed my "ignorance", arguing that of course it was deliberate, of course it was to get his attention, blah blah. This guy was so narcissistic he couldn't imagine that the way a woman stood had nothing to do with him and anything to do with her comfort.

Of course I'm not saying that OP's DH is anything like that guy. But I am saying that some men are really not good at interpreting other women's intentions. Especially when there is a very obvious motive, which is that she wants a tip.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 12:29 pm

egam wrote:

I literally asked my child a minute before I posted the answer. I suddenly realized that I can actually ask a person with the experience in the industry. See, you are doing this again.
My main point though all my posts was how easy it’s to misconstrued someone’s language, intention, especially if it’s passed through many listeners.
And who is to say that wasn’t a training she actually received? Don’t you think the manager might have said that we don’t have printed dessert menus so you’ll be their dessert menu of sorts? And she just repeated that phrase?

I dont think anyone told her to say she will BE their dessert menu. Nor was she told to give free drinks. And if she misunderstood, all the more reason to bring it to the restaurants attention. The wrong customer might make assumptions which could lead to a bad situation. Managers would say- if anyone asks for the dessert menu just tell them we have chocolate mousse, apple strudel and fruit salad today.

I wasnt there so Im only going by OPs report that it made him uncomfortable. Asking my dh and other men I know, I was told they would have been uncomfortable too.
If a male waiter said that to me in a way that made me uncomfortable I would probably just not go back and not tell anyone. Honestly telling the manager is the right thing to do.
Im entitled to my opinion and you to yours.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Sep 03 2023, 12:43 pm

Without any of us being there, we're all just speculating. It is more likely something was lost in translation, than she was deliberately trying to chat him up. But regardless, no one should feel uncomfortable and if op's dh felt uncomfortable, then he is entitled to complain if he really wants. It doesn't give a professional feel to the restaurant if the staff are making odd comments. The point of the restaurant is to make the customer happy and to enjoy the experience. If the customer has had a bad time, that's not good.