Comment to DH at restaurant, WWYD?

egam

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:33 am

amother Azalea wrote:

There's nothing wrong with OP calling and telling the restaurant that the expression "I am your dessert menu" is unprofessional and inappropriate for a frum establishment.

Again. Are you 100% sure that was the exact expression or OP’s husband’s perspective? And even if it was, her husband should’ve addressed it, not OP. Is he a little child that needs his mommy to talk for him?

Last edited by egam on Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:37 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Amber

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:35 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

I can't believe how many people are downplaying this comment. It's extremely out of place and definitely insinuating something, don't be naive!

I’m not so naïve. I think you are really overreacting. I never said she is the desert. I have been to restaurants I just don’t have it printed out or it is easier for her to see it. Do you really wanna have it on your head that she’s fired? I really think it was rather innocent. Sounds like her husband is very holy and doesn’t get out so much so probably miss interpreted it.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:35 am

NechaMom wrote:

These things are best resolved on the spot. Your DH should’ve asked “what do you mean” and give her a chance to explain. Impossible for us to guess what she implied and ridiculous to call the restaurant a day later. Sounds a bit paranoid honestly.
Makes the most sense that she knows the menu and there isn’t a printed one. If you have time on your hands you can drive by and try to order just dessert and see if they have a printed menu.

A professional waitress would say, "we dont have a printed menu for desserts, would you like me to tell you todays desserts?"
A response like I'm the dessert menu is inappropriate for a kosher restaurant. The waitress is supposed to serve food and not draw attention to herself.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:36 am

amother Amber wrote:

Why would she get fired if she did nothing wrong, the manager corrects her line and thats that.

amother

Brass

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:38 am

amother Amber wrote:

holy with a very dirty mind!

amother

Quince

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:42 am

amother OP wrote:

My FIL flew into town for shabbos so my Dh and him went out to the local kosher thai restaurant for dinner tonight.
Afterwards when I asked my dh how it went, he told me that when he asked about the dessert menu at the end, their waitress responded, “I’m your dessert menu.”
My jaw literally dropped when he told me I couldn’t believe how inappropriate her comment was. My husband is clearly a kollel man but I think her joke is unacceptable regardless.
Wwyd? Would you call the restaurant to complain or just let it go?

I've had waitresses say this to me as well many times. I didn't take it as lesbian flirting. It means they will tell you the dessert options.

Regarding her giving FIL a free drink, I would see that as a waitress trying hard to earn a good tip. Which is rare these days. I wish she would be my waitress next time I go out.

No need to get feathers ruffled IMO.

egam

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:49 am

B'Siyata DiShamaya wrote:

First of all, where have you seen truly professional trained waitstaff in kosher restaurants?

Second, there’s a saying in Russian that everyone understands things according to the level of their debauchery. If that would be said to me, I would never go the route you are taking. There wouldn’t be any doubts in my mind that the waitress knows the dessert menu and can just describe to me what they have instead of walking to get it. They are busy enough.
We keep saying to judge everyone favourably, yet there are so many people on this thread whose knee jerk reaction is “Call the manager“

Last edited by egam on Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:04 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Quince

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:54 am

Elilove wrote:

Don’t know why everyone is so sure she’s not being flirty. It sounds like she was to me.

It seems like some people think if a waitress is friendly towards male diners, it's instantly called flirting. Wait staff is supposed to be friendly. But service has gotten so poor in so many places that I think many have forgotten this. We're accustomed to rude so nice takes us by surprise.

NechaMom

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:57 am

egam wrote:

First of all, where have you seen truly professional trained waitstaff in kosher restaurants?

Second, there’s a saying in Russian that everyone understands things according to the level of their debauchery. If that was sent to me, I would never go the route you are taking. There wouldn’t be any doubts in my mind that the waitress knows the dessert menu and can just describe to me what they have instead of walking to get it. They are busy enough.
We keep saying to judge everyone favourably, yet there are so many people on this thread whose knee jerk reaction is “Call the manager“

I agree. Especially that her DH was not there alone. The waitress wouldn’t make such a nasty joke for 2 people at once.

justforfun87

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:58 am

amother Quince wrote:

Good point! Waitresses use to have to work for tips but now so many places put auto-tip on they have no incentive to smile. There is NOTHING wrong with what she did.

egam

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:59 am

B'Siyata DiShamaya wrote:

Why would she get fired if she did nothing wrong, the manager corrects her line and thats that.

Do you know her manager? Do you know how they would address the situation? Do you know what her manager would actually hear if OP calls about it? Things get lost in translation and get further away from the original the more people are involved in the retelling chain. And it’s nothing against the OP, her husband, the manager. Everyone inadvertently adds/leaves out something when passing the story down, puts their own flair into it. It’s just the way of nature.

amother

Anemone

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:01 am

Elilove wrote:

Don’t know why everyone is so sure she’s not being flirty. It sounds like she was to me.

yes
I never get why on earth shade is cast on the op/her family etc but never on the random who knows who it is with the odd behavior who seems to get all the dlkz

sometimes this is why in other circumstances outrageous and even abusive behavior can get tolerated; because people's judgement is undermined and definitive statements are made like "couldn't be possible" when really no one knows either way

egam

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:07 am

Elilove wrote:

Don’t know why everyone is so sure she’s not being flirty. It sounds like she was to me.

Waitresses work for tips. They have to be pleasant and smiling and not grumpy witches in order to earn a living. Do you know what is the official federal minimum wage for the tipped workers? I can tell you - $2.13 an hour. But for a kolel guy who doesn’t have to hold a job and doesn’t live in real world that might look like flirting.

amother

Anemone

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:10 am

nope
not buying this
some people do flirt for whatever the reason and whether or not its for tips it is not acceptable

use your best judgement op you know your situation best

amother

Azalea

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:16 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

I can't believe how many people are downplaying this comment. It's extremely out of place and definitely insinuating something, don't be naive!

I don't think the waitresses was flirting. I don't think she meant anything. This word choice is just not appropriate for a frum establishment. It's not professional in general.

amother

Quince

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:16 am

OP- Frankly, I don't understand why your husband even told you this. Either she was being a nice normal waitress (and I wasn't there, so can't say for sure, but nothing you have shared sounds over the top and out of bounds) or she was flirting a little but with nothing really behind it, just fishing for a good tip (I mean, seriously, you think she was after your husband?). Either way, no harm came from her actions but you were harmed by DH telling you this because now you're upset over a real nothing.

tichellady

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:28 am

It’s hard for restaurants to get decent staff these days. They don’t have time or energy for your complaints especially if it’s not first hand and it’s probably due to someone not speaking English as their first language.

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:43 am

amother Quince wrote:

I couldn't agree more.

It sounds so childish to call up an establishment with, "Hi my husband and FIL were at your restaurant last night. My husband told me that one of the waitresses on staff last night might have said something flirtatious to him. Although, we are not exactly sure if that was the case. I'm just calling to let you know."

Like really? If I was the manager, I'd probably have a good chuckle.