11dd physical tantrums normal?

amother

Fri, Dec 01 2023, 1:42 am

The kids in the family are fed up with her. Her siblings both older and younger mock her tantrums and it's like when my 4yr old tantrums (btw the 4 yr old is crazy similar to her) my kids all say oh she's acting like ......or when anyone cries extensively they say you like....so yes she's become the nuisance sort of. But she's tough on the outside so she'll get angry at the comments and get physical with whichever child just made fun of her and now we have a fight btw siblings...get the picture?
Im prob wrong for not always telling the kids to cut out the way they chepper her but I'm also human and at theend of my rope.
She's the kind of kid that is hard for me to like. I know I shouldn't ever say this as a mother but I'm anon here for a reason. She gets on my nerves many times but at the same time deep in my heart I bleed for her. It hurts and pains me that I am not so nice to her always. I wish I was like Hillel hatzadik and had endless patience and metal nerves.
I can go another mehalech and blame myself cuz her pregnancy was totally unplanned and we were going through a very difficult time period. Even after her birth we were still struggling with a very heavy situation. Not shalom bayis bH . But I am not a believer in this kid of stuff.
Dh says she has a lot of anger in her let her go to PT and give it out there. He's also a real non believer in therapist s due to his experience with his line of work that he saw many a therapist messed up things even more...

Dd has another side to her. Very soft and emotional. She can be the most caring and helpful if she wants to...
She gets speech for articulation and communication. Is it helping? Whatever....it keeps her out of her siblings way so we have some relaxed time till her session is over. Therefore I feel like BOE is waste of time.
I feel like I need someone private ,not that I'm so excited to pay when I don't have the money.....but someone that can teach her anger management skills. Help her w anxiety. Etc. I feel like these agencies will just make her into a whole case. And dunno who they have and how good they are etc.

WhatFor

Fri, Dec 01 2023, 2:38 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

I took my dd (very similar to OP's, I posted further upthread) for an adhd evaluation when she was about 5. The doctor said that if she's well behaved in kindergarten, then he sees no use in diagnosing her with anything. What will it help with? Even if she takes medicine, it only works during the day hours (when she's behaved fine), it actually makes their behavior worse when it wears off in the afternoon. So a diagnosis isn't always the answer.

As someone with ADHD, I suffered tremendously before my diagnosis. It's not true that medication is only helpful during day hours, even if it's only active during the day.

Imagine a day where you were spinning the entire day, things are constantly coming at you, you can't bat things away quickly enough. In your daughter's case, maybe struggling to keep it together the entire day because she knows her teachers don't love her unconditionally like her mother does. She's overstimulated, building it all up, comes home, and boom. Lets it all out on the people who love her and have no choice but to put up with her.

Now imagine if she took medication and the medication actually helped her. She has an entire day where she's internally regulated. She feels calm, she's happy, not as stressed. She doesn't have to struggle to keep it together. Now she comes home. What kind of person is coming home now, as compared to the person who came home in the prior paragraph.

But in any case, I believe most time release meds run for 12 hours. This means it should last into her early evening.

LovesHashem

Fri, Dec 01 2023, 4:20 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

Medication isn't the only treatment for ADHD. Of course a diagnosis helps.

amother

NeonPurple

Fri, Dec 01 2023, 5:41 am

amother OP wrote:

When you say evaluated can you tell me by whom?where do I go? She gets speech therapy from board of Ed. They also gave her counseling but there's no guidance counselor in her school. Who does these kind of evals? Is it covered by insurance? What does asd mean? I don't think she's ADHD .

she also has this very emotional side to herself. She can be super caring and ready to be all perfect and help me at home and she'll go do my grocery shopping. But one thing doesn't go her way,one bump and there's an explosion!!!

I have a son this age, who has these two sides to him, too. He’s on medication and has started therapy. But I’m suspecting that like others in our family, he has adhd inattentive type (add without the hyper part); emotional dysregulation is a known part of that. So I think he’s on the wrong meds.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Dec 01 2023, 7:52 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I am writing this. Every last thing is the same! I spoke to a psychiatrist who didn’t think my daughter sounded like add. Her claim was that it should present itself in more than one setting. A child like this can not 100% keep it together.

I would like to add if you find anyone that you find is helpful please please post it here. I am also in Brooklyn and would love to do something. Also the psychiatrist did recommend counseling and if that wasn’t avail if I wanted to trial low dose medication for calming etc.