Am I expecting too much?

amother

Brickred

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 11:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

So my 7 year old is able to shower herself independently but refuses! She wants me to watch her and usually gets too lazy to wash her hair! When she was 5 she showered herself but now she wants to be babied. She also makes me dress her in the morning. The only way she'll dress herself is if she is very motivated, like to make a surprise or if she's looking forward to something that day. She's literally dressed from top to bottom including buttoning her shirt and putting on tights and shoes in 2-3 minutes. She's definitely not lacking any skill here.

As much as I'd love to dress her and bathe her, I physically cannot be in 3 places at once. My hands are full, I have a bunch of little ones Baruch H-shem.

Is it possible that she feels like she's lacking attention from you & that's how she's demanding it?
Maybe she needs a good incentive or chart to keep her motivated?

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 1:16 am

amother OP wrote:

At what age would you say that your children can bathe themselves completely independently. Please specify for girls and boys, maybe the age varies. Should a 7 year old girl be able to do this? For reference my daughter is extremely bright, mature, and has great fine motor skills but refuses to do this alone.

What about getting dressed and undressed?

If she refuses then you have to listen to her and help her regain independence in this task.
Not every 7 year old is confident and to push her when she isnt ready wont help.

Perhaps , like training wheels, each shower do less, till you are just standing by then stand outside the door, then door closed not locked...
At this point in our kids lives we put in locks that can be opened from the outside just in case. It came in handy a few times.

amother

Currant

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 2:45 am

Ds9 showers himself but likes me to bring him everything and be in the bathroom with him for company. He undresses and dresses himself. But when he was 8 I think I still dressed him most mornings and at 7 I'm pretty sure I still helped him in the bath. Dd8 bathes herself and dresses and undresses herself. She sometimes asks me if her hair is clean from shampoo. Until recently I did help her wash her hair. Dd5 just started bathing herself, even hair. She undresses and dresses herself. Dd3 I bathe. If she's in the mood she undresses and dresses herself. But she's not often in the mood. I think it's still age appropriate to not always feel like being independent at 7. Depends on personality and how much they appreciate being "grown-up."

behappy2

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:00 am

Just because they can doesn't mean they want to.

Only you really know if they can and what you want to do about it.

For me, I will dress a kid if I can especially in the morning. Unless they are fighting me. Once they get too heavy it's another story.

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:05 am

amother OP wrote:

She’s not getting enough attention from you. Seven is still little.

bsy

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:17 am

My 7 year old daughter can shower but I rinse her hair out. Or I just do the whole shower. She can dress herself but I do it a lot of the time because it's faster. I know she CAN do it so I'm not worried she'll be 10 and unable to dress herself

amother

Narcissus

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:28 am

amother OP wrote:

This sounds very normal. She could dress and shower herself as appropriate for her age, she just doesn’t want to, either because she wants to be babied or simply because it’s easier to have someone do it for her. Does she have any adhd symptoms? I have that and small things like getting dressed can feel like massive tasks, especially when I’m tired.

What might help is to turn the task into a game… race the clock or a sibling, turn it into a dance, you dress her and have her dress a younger one. I also find that charts work well with this age. And remember that she’ll soon (or eventually?) grow out of it and will be happy to do it herself again.

MrsDash

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 12:04 pm

The answer is that it varies from child to child, depending on several factors. Maturity, capability, efficiency, adhd, anxiety, etc.

This isn't a very clear yes or no. It depends on the kid. You'll know when the time comes for them to bathe solo.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

So to sum up, even though she could physically do it, she isn't emotionally ready.
You can try giving her some sort of motivation (I remember doing a contest with my girls at a certain age, where they got tickets in an envelope if they were dressed by a certain time every morning - and 10 tickets earned them a prize from the dollar store) and see if that helps. She isn't ready to be self-motivated, much as it would make your life easier and you would like her to do so.

amother

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:15 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Thank you Chayalle, I like this response, it really makes sense. Also as the other poster mentioned I think all she really wants is to bond with me. It's just so difficult to have to bathe and dress several little children every day. I get frustrated because I wish she would do things she is capable of so that I can help the younger ones who really can't. Oh well, I guess I'll have to continue until she grows out of this..

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:18 pm

So interesting to see the poll results here.

My 7 year old doesn't show herself, but even my ten year old has help with washing his hair.

And he's very mature and everything. So I'm not sure why we seem different to everyone else in this regard..

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:16 pm

My 7-year-olds can take baths on his own but sometimes I do help him. He can get dressed and undress independently. However, he has a hard time putting on her socks and his parents when they are safe so I tend to help him with that. Also, he's extremely sore, getting dressed and I don't have time to wait usually