Would this bother you?

amother

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:20 pm

Dd is getting married soon.

She works with a woman at a small nursery school who is coming to her wedding and is very excited about it. She told dd she already bought a fancy, long gown.

Turns out the gown is the same color as what I am wearing and possibly dd's mil if she chooses.

I'm feeling a bit bummed out that she's doing this, and she's wearing a long, fancy gown (not just the color).

How do y'all handle this? I know it's a small thing, and I'm not dictating what guests wear, but I can't help feeling a bit disappointed.

notshanarishona

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:26 pm

There is something socially off about a friend who (unless maybe a best friend) wearing a gown to a wedding but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

scintilla

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:27 pm

The ad below your post was for a pillow that said "not my circus, not my monkeys" 🤣 so that's one way to approach it.

Maybe dd can talk to her and tell her? Honestly if I was at the wedding and saw someone who was not related wearing a long fancy gown similar to the mother of the bride or groom I would find it very weird and socially off on her part, I wouldn't think it would reflect weirdly on you at all though.

amother

DarkKhaki

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:27 pm

it wouldn’t bother me. I may find it a little off for her to be wearing long, unless her and DD are very good friends, but the color itself wouldn’t bother me and I’d move past the long gown part as well, I’d have no reason to let it get to me

amother

Hunter

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:29 pm

Agree, definitely socially off. Best would've been if DD would've said right away "in our family only my immediately family wears long" but it might be too late now.

siddur

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 6:37 pm

I feel worse for her that she’ll look out if place and …. odd.
Maybe there is a gentle way to say that - but first I would see the dress she is talking about . Maybe the description is different than it actullay looks and it’s not as a big if an issue as assumed

amother

Vanilla

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 7:04 pm

I wouldn't worry about it.

It's weird for her to do that. Nobody at the wedding will think you asked her to wear the same color. They can come to their own conclusions...

amother

Oxfordblue

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 10:58 pm

imaima wrote:

How are guests supposed to find out these things?

Not to wear a long gown to a coworker's wedding?

amother

Cantaloupe

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 10:59 pm

I would assume she had the dress and figured she would get another use out of it. I would not confuse her with the wedding party and not tho k too much about it.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:21 pm

No, but it just shows that she is socially off and considers herself very close to your dd enough to wear that. I would just not do anything. No harm in letting her be.

amother

Sand

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:25 pm

Umm… in my circle anyone that feels very close to either the kalla - the mother of the kallah or the chosson wear long - so maybe that’s how she feels. Many weddings I’m at many people are wearing long - immediate family, cousins, close friends - it looks elegant. Still ok to tell her though ‘but not in this kallas crowd’

GoldenOra

Sat, Jan 13 2024, 11:35 pm

Could be her “gown” is more of a long dress. I highly highly doubt it’s an actual nice gown. Even if it, that is her problem and is honestly socially off and awkward and I feel more bad for her than for you. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. Frankly I think this post is kinda silly cuz obviously you are the mom and with your wig and makeup done, and everyone knows you… this random lady is such a non issue.

essie14

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 12:18 am

Wouldn't bother me at all.
Everyone knows you're the mom. You will be next to DD the whole time. This random lady won't even be anywhere near the כסא כלה if you have other daughters and nieces and the girls from the chattan's side.
I wouldn't give it another thought.
It's socially off to wear a gown to a co-worker's wedding unless you're a bridesmaid.

amother

DarkMagenta

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 12:28 am

People often do their own thing with weddings, some of which are more or less acceptable. I don't really think you can dictate how they dress and it's probably better not to stress since you will have so many happy and important things to do that day. No one will question your importance and role on that day, much less a co-worker of the bride. A few years ago, my sister in law was invited to a wedding from my machatunim (basically on my cheshbon). She wore a long white lace dress with a lace headband/head piece and posed with her husband for photos under the chuppah. It was a little embarrassing, but I realized it wasn't really my business and stopped paying attention. Obviously, the day will be much more important to you, but I have a feeling you'll be too busy (and happy) to care.