Why does everyone hate on Maaser so much?

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 12:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

Whenever anyone posts about their financial difficulties, if they are giving maaser or chomesh (10% or 20% to tzedakah) it always gets jumped on.

Why?

People post about their $4,000 mortgages and $600 car leases and $3,000 food budgets and nobody blinks, but if chas veshalom we are giving a percentage of our income to keep other Jews afloat, better get a heter to get out of that?

Women post about spending for Shabbos because Hashem pays you back, but tzedakah (which has an explicit guarantee for the same) is looked down upon?

Why is it not seen as a mitzvah, if not an obligation, and something that brings bracha from Hashem?

Why can people not fathom that for some, it's as non-negotiable as therapy?

Why are people focused on honesty with taxes, but chas veshalom to give our "tax" to Hashem?

Isn't it obvious that if everyone would give maaser or chomesh, we'd have fewer desperate families? That if each of us would stretch to give to those less fortunate than us, we'd all benefit?

I understand some Rabbonim say it's entirely optional, or that you can get out of it with tuition, or that if you're poor you're exempt. But why is getting out of it viewed as praiseworthy?

Please educate me.

I assume these are the same people.
I personally would love to give a chomesh to maaser for the bracha it brings down but I was told by my Rav not to.

Also, someone else bashed on that thread shabbos expenses saying that Hashem gives you the original amount more for Shabbos expenses. I was explicitly told by a big Rav in Eretz Yisrael that that is not true. You count Shabbos expenses OUTSIDE of your income.

amother

Fern

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 3:35 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Yes we were told the same. I still give tzedakah, I try to give as much as I can, but we have asked numerous times (as our circumstances changed) and were told that we should not give maaser.

I'm surprised at people who were told to give a chomesh even if they don't actually have the money- I would be very curious if they actually asked the shayla.

This, if you owe others money you may not be allowed to give maaser until you've repaid them. People need to know to ask.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 3:41 pm

amother Fern wrote:

This, if you owe others money you may not be allowed to give maaser until you've repaid them. People need to know to ask.

Do you ask about buying yogurt when you owe money? Do you ask about going on even small vacations when you owe money? Do you ask about buying clothing when you owe money? Those things should be asked too.

I'm not saying everyone needs to give maaser. I'm not your Rav. Follow your Rav.

What I can't understand is the constant putting it down. As if it's a bad thing, not shayach to most people, and irresponsible.

amother

Fern

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 3:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

No one thinks they're doing a mitzvah when they go on a small vacation while owing money. People do think it's a mitzvah to give maaser while owing money.

Again, people need to ask. And not tell others what they should or shouldn't do, just encourage those people to ask as well.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 3:54 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Believe it or not, some Rabbonim consider it an absolute obligation.

You think I'm telling people to GIVE maaser, when in fact what I'm upset about is the constant telling people NOT to give maaser. Even if they already asked a Rav!

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:24 pm

amother Fern wrote:

No one thinks they're doing a mitzvah when they go on a small vacation while owing money. People do think it's a mitzvah to give maaser while owing money.

Actually, tzedakah is ALWAYS a mitzvah. Even if you accidentally dropped a coin while reaching into your pocket, if a poor person picked it up, you did a mitzvah.

It's funny how we are horrified that someone might do a mitzvah of giving tzedakah imperfectly (because they owe someone money) but not so bothered that the same person bought new Pesach dresses for their daughters even though the Sukkos ones still fit.

What exactly are you worried about?

I don't always see bracha from the maaser or chomesh we give. But I think I can trust Hashem to keep His promise.

amother

Aster

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you, Rabbi imamother...

As I said earlier, our Rav told us not to give maaser at this time. I still give tzedakah though...

Why would I listen to an anonymous imamother over our family Rav?

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:02 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Thank you, Rabbi imamother...

As I said earlier, our Rav told us not to give maaser at this time. I still give tzedakah though...

Why would I listen to an anonymous imamother over our family Rav?

To reiterate, I'm not telling you what to do.

I'm not upset that there are people who don't give maaser.

I said (multiple times) to follow YOUR Rav.

My question is why maaser is so hated on. If MY rav says to give maaser or chomesh, why does everyone feel the holy obligation to try and talk me out of it, and to tell me that I didn't ask the question properly? What is it about maaser that only the filthy rich can give it, and chas veshalom that even a billionaire give more than a chomesh (not true halachically)?

amother

Aster

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't know which thread you started, but if someone posts that they give their children bread and water but give a chomeish to tzedakah, posters are going to call you out on it. It's just common sense. And Yiddishkeit. We may ask if your Rav REALLY knows that you are feeding your children bread and water and they don't have proper shoes???

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:14 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Please do point out such a thread.

The last thread where someone got jumped on, the mother was spending generously on food and clothing and a large comfortable apartment, but (?!??!) was also giving chomesh. Because this money was given to her to spend as she wished, and she chose to use a portion for tzedakah, that was completely unacceptable.

Anyone who posts that they are struggling, even if they are giving their children plenty of food and clothing, is lambasted if they give maaser.

WHY?

If they said that they are scrimping on food or buying cheaper shoes to pay for therapy or to tip their teachers, would you also react with the same horror? What if they said they are doing it because their husband is starting a new business and needs more capital?

Yes, of course it is possible that there are people that should not be giving maaser. But why is that ALWAYS the first expense to pick on, no matter what the circumstances?

amother

Clover

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong thread, but this sounds like a misrepresentation of that thread. OP posted that her support is being reduced and she is going to need to cut back. That's where people suggested to her that chomesh isn't advisable in that circumstance.

And that was the general consensus. Maybe there was a random post where chomesh was discussed as you describe above, but that was an isolated post. Using that as support of your post here is quite misleading.

realsilver

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:43 pm

amother Rose wrote:

I hear, but plz realize that it's things like this that some find very discouraging. The torah is clear about it. Hashem says to test him. And when it doesn't work we are are supposed to accept it?

you dont know that you wouldn't have had less. there is not way to know hashem's cheshbon.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:05 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I'm just curious what the source is that maaser is mandatory. I also grew up learning that maaser is mandatory, and was very surprised when my husband told me that his Rav said it's actually not. Now I don't know what to think.

There are different opinions.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:07 pm

amother Clover wrote:

There are multiple threads. Any time someone posts in finances about challenges, if they mention maaser they are criticized.

This particular one about chomesh, people seemed angry that she was giving tzedakah when she was being supported (even though the use of that support money was entirely up to their discretion).

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:10 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

We were told for years we don't have to pay maaser bec dh is learning and we were very tight. We started giving Maaser the last few years and don't ask me how but we always seem to have enough. Somehow some way Hashem sends us what we need. I felt it helped us alot.

We have a ton of debt. I want to give because of this Bracha but our rav told us not to

amother

Aster

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's not exactly the WHOLE story. She said she doesnt have enough money for everything as support is stopping, but her rent is non negotiable, kollel is non negotiable, chomeish is non negotiable... well, you have to live somewhere, and besides, some posters are against kollel as well.

amother

Yolk

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is a real shaylah for a Rav! It's not about doing a mitzvah imperfectly. It might actaully be an avairah of theft.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:43 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

This is a real shaylah for a Rav! It's not about doing a mitzvah imperfectly. It might actaully be an avairah of theft.

Again, do you ask before buying yogurt or other non-essentials when you owe someone money? Do you ask about eating chicken during the week? Are you not worried about theft? Or only if someone is giving tzedakah?

Of course everyone should be in contact with a Rav.

My question is why specifically when it comes to Maaser everyone is suddenly so holy and must ask a Rav if it is allowed.