Unwanted unexpected visitors!

gryp

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:05 pm

I dont want to shock anybody with that title, because I know it doesnt sound too nice, but you know when people have a habit of stopping by at the worst times, and they dont even have the decency to call and say "im coming over"??? especially people you just dont have patience for?

what do you do?

should I just not answer the bell? pretend no one's home?

I hate these situations. (I know I sound like oscar the grouch...)

Tefila

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:13 pm

Eigther ignore bell or say you cannot come to door right now. Tell person to call later! I feel people should always call even if your'e a neighbor since everyone is intitled to some privacy! There's exceptions but only exceptions
And yes we all sometimes are like oscar the grouch Very Happy

yehudis

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:17 pm

We have those visitors. The most inconvinient is when it's a male and it's 10 p.m. and I am not dressed in a way that I could open the door, and my husband hasn't gotten home from shul yet. But they're usually not the kind of people that would understand. So I don't have any advice, but you're not alone Smile

.

I don't think that people have to call before coming necessarily. But it depends on what culture you're from. During the day, I don't mind at all. Unless I'm trying to get the kids to sleep or something.

gryp

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:18 pm

I would do that on normal occasions, for people I always see, but what if its someone you havent seen in 5 years? and its a relative?

I could put my foot down and say "sorry, its bad time, you should have called," but then I look like the bad guy doing something wrong, when really I just have to stand up for myself because they didnt have the decency to notify me in advance of their coming... Confused

so should I answer the bell or not? and I have an underlying feeling it will ring as soon as Mendel falls asleep for his nap... Rolling Eyes

what am I supposed to do?????

gryp

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:20 pm

Quote:

Unless I'm trying to get the kids to sleep or something.

yehudis, thats really my problem. somehow they ring the bell as soon as Mendel falls asleep. and he only takes one nap a day. without it we are all dead meat...

zuncompany

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:24 pm

in my old building I ignored the knocks. in my new building I like everyone and if I answered and said it was a bad time they would totally understand.

sara

Anny

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:41 pm

my best line is I'm nursing my baby & cannot open the door right now, but I will be able to in about 5-10 minutes. would you like me to call you when we're done?

next time please call about 30 minutes before coming and I will be able to tell you when it will be a good time ti stop by.

Once I was puting kids to sleep erev shaabos & I knew that if I will come out of their room before they are fully asleep, they will run out of their beds and will not go back in. I listened how somebody rang our bell for 10 minutes!!!! It turned out to be our shabbos guests, droping off the cake. After 10 minutes they just left it by our door.

Nothing happened to anybody.....

And if they persist & wait for the baby to fall asleep by the door, this will be a good lesson for them not to come without calling

gryp

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 1:07 pm

thanx everyone, I get very frustrated in these situations.

for now I put a sign on my door. my neighbors will think im crazy but thats the least of my worries now... Very Happy

proudmom

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 4:24 pm

I have same situation and I cant stand it either. it is really hard. everytime I see her I always hope she doesnt just drop by.

There was one friday when it was time to put my kids to sleep for the night a person just came over and sat here for 3 hours and I couldnt kick him out. it was really tough

ForeverYoung
Guest

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 5:01 pm

next time say: "I'm sorry, you will have to entertain yourself, here are the books, here is the fridge w/ drinks (or whatever you offer) but I didn't know you were coming & I need to put kids to sleep & cook shabbos

I've done that

avigayil

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 8:51 pm

It can be hard with this one.
It seems people do this when you are in the most precarious situation.
After I had my son, people wanted to come by, which was fine! But then, some people would not leave us alone
I was single for many years though and try to be understanding. lots of times these people just need a place to 'be' for awhile because they really don't have anyone else to talk too.

sarahd

Tue, Jan 25 2005, 4:17 am

When my baby was about a month old, a neighbor - very nice woman, but I'm not all that close with her - called me up because she wanted to visit. She told me the best time for her was Friday, because with four small children she finished preparing for Shabbos on Thursday so as to leave nothing to chance. I mentioned that I was doing most preparation on Friday, which did not stop her from showing up at noon with her kids, thereby robbing me of at least an hour of working time, not to mention that after that the baby refused to sleep for ages and I couldn't get a thing done till late in the afternoon.

I did not appreciate the visit at all, but it did have the salutory effect of convincing me that I should also finish preparing for Shabbos on Thursday...you never know who might pop in for a visit!!!

Pearl

Tue, Jan 25 2005, 10:05 am

My husband is very patient and kind with everyone visiting, expected or not - he's very good at hahnasat orchim.
I do tend to be grumpy when people I don't really care for (if I would, then I could be honest with them in the first place, come to think of it, probably wouldn't mind the unexpected visit to begin with) drop by unexpectedly. I am very attached to my privacy....and I do need time to myself to unwind from the busy day.
It doesn't happen a lot, but if it does, and I am not up to it, my husband entertains, and I can go rest, if that's what I would like to do. But it does depends on who it is....

amother

Ecru

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 6:51 am

Surprises are sometimes great. Why not? If u can't open the door then just ignore. Reminds me of my shvigger that came over out of the blue and it was a early night in bed with my hub u can just imagine our reaction. Should we jump out or let her wait it out till we are done Rolling Eyes

amother

Babypink

Fri, Jul 22 2016, 12:51 pm

Lol!
Well my in laws seem to not take no for an answer. They'll bang on my door for an hour...heck, they'd probably wait there all day till I finally open the door Exploding anger