Dh wants me to stop shaving

amother

Slategray

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:01 pm

Your dh had the trauma issues, got disillusioned, doesn't want to be different than his family, but wants YOU to be the one that changes? That's just as twisted as he sees chassidish.
There is no halacha that a lady has to shave ,but there is a halacha that a person should keep their mesorah,so you will never win an argument with the family. They will say Mesora mesora. ..
I don't think you should even try to explain yourself , you will only get hurt.
if a reliable rav told you its okay to grow your hair , do so ,with the knowledge that you asked dass torah.
Just say "mommy Im sorry but this is not up for discussion " and change the topic.
How long do you think she can hit a wall before giving up.

amother

Puce

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:15 pm

op, your post makes me sad a day after YK. I know others will not like what I'm about to say. I think you should've posted asking for chizuk on how to stick up for your mesorah not vice versa. I'm chassidish and I shave and BH don't have an ounce of temptation to do otherwise. It's not only about me. It's my children and future generations. If you keep on giving up minhagim and mesoros, what will your children look like- (I'm not saying this to curse ch'v, I just want to get your thinking started)?? There are many reasons we have mesora to shave. Most importantly is the tznius part. The kedusha in the home comes from the mother not from the father. If you give in to dh with shaving, it won't stop there. Stick up for yourself and your family.

TeachersNotebook

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:18 pm

Wow, I do not agree with most posters in this thread. I usually don't post on topics like this, but if I were OP, I'd be feeling a little frustrated here. It seems to me that OP is about to make a major decision in her life, and wants to learn as much about the topic as possible before making the decision. While other factors are applicable to her decision, such as a rav's heter, her and her husband's level of yiddishkeit and backgrounds, everyone else's opinions (yes, those are factors and they do count- especially if you're from a rabbanishe family), etc... these were NOT part of her question. She's got all these other factors relatively figured out. Her big question is about herself: where does she stand on the issue? She can only answer this fully by finding out more about the minhag. That's really all she wants to know about now.

I'm sorry I know nothing about the mesorah for this, OP. I read all the way through to the end hoping to learn something new about the minhag! I know ImaMother is not necessarily a representative sample of women, but I'm still surprised that such a huge portion of the Chassidish world does this without knowing why. Yikes! I hope Hashem leads you to your answers soon- and feel free to post an update here so we can learn about it too! May Hashem straighten your path, clear your eyes, and give you complete clarity and security in your choice.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:21 pm

amother wrote:

I think you have no right to put judgement on the OP.

I also shave, and do it very happily as well.
The tznius part is absolutely baloney . Shaving has nothing to do with tznius. There are plenty of people who don't have a minhag to shave and are 1000 percent tzniusdik.

Why arw you putting a guilt trip on her when she obviously discussed it with daas torah. (She says she got a heter. )

- from a woman who discussed it with daas torah a year after marriage and decided to CONTINUE shaving.
I have no regrets now bh.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:36 pm

Here is the Mesorah-

The custom only a few hundred years old.In Europe there were areas where the local nobility/royalty would sleep with new brides on their wedding night and it was a very traumatic thing. So people started shaving the women's heads to make them less appealing.

Holocaust happens, Jews come to America. Many don't shave.

In 1951 the Satmar rebbe says women need to start shaving their heads as a Kapara for all the kesoshim.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

That may be your mesorah, but it's not mine.
My minhag is to shave because that what it is brought down in kabalah. It has nothing to do with the reason you mentioned. It is for the same reasons that chasdisim keep their nails short and the men keep their hair short as well .
I'm not satmar though.

Eta
I have a big feeling that this thread is going to go down the same path another recent thread did.

OP is there anyone IRL that can provide you with textual sources? I'm pretty sure that there are.

asmileaday

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 10:06 pm

Teachers notebook well said!
Puce amother that is typical scare tactic that has no basis and does not work!
Besides the fact that op asked for sources about shaving so she can make an informed and confident decision, let's say she follows your advice, gives up on her SB so that her children won't ch"v drop mesorah. And then her children go ahead and do whatever they feel is right for whatever reason and decide to drop mesorah, how disappointed will op be then?!
Op stands to gain a lot more by teaching her children to do your research, make an informed decision and not just practice yiddishkeit by rote, blindly doing and doing without knowing what when where why.

Lita

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 10:38 pm

Op- I read that the minhag started after there was many pogroms (and rapes) back in eastern europe.The rabbis decided that when the attackers would run up and grab a woman and uncover her hair, if she was bald it would repulse them and she would be left alone.
Your husband should be a man and take the blame.

Maya

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:05 pm

amother wrote:

The "idea" that our children will become g*yim because we give up "mesorahs" such as these is a myth made up by Chassidish leadership to scare the masses into obedience, and to give them a right to control their adult children. It's absolutely not true. It's childish to continue thinking like that as a grown woman.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:16 pm

TeachersNotebook wrote:

thank you!!! and thank you everyone for posting the links.
I actually want to discuss this with Rav tzinner, author of netai gavriael.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:18 pm

Maya wrote:

I agree with maya. if I stayed with this school of thought, I would be in a very bad spot right now, emotionally and where would that leave my kids? not wit hless risk for them leaving yiddishkeit