Did your parents help out AT ALL

amother

Tan

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:29 am

amother wrote:

I'm really happy for you, though I think this is the kind of thing that confuses the op. Getting $50k towards a house is not what everyone would consider independent. Perhaps we need to define terms here.

Exactly what I was about to say! IMHO, it's easy to be financially independent when you own your own home. What about when you're stuck paying $3000 monthly rent without any financial assistance, and it's not even going to pay your mortgage?

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:36 am

Nope, not at all.
My parents did not pay for college, my first car or anything else.
I lived at home for the 3 years it took me to finish college but paid for my own car insurance, clothing and personal items, as well as tuition.

Lived at home for a few more years once I started working (during which I contributed to household bills and also paid for most of my own food, as well as all personal expenses, car etc.)
Once I moved out in my mid-20s I did not receive anything. No money towards furniture for my own apartment or anything. Token small birthday gifts and that was about it.
When I got married we paid for everything ourselves - my parents gave me $1000 and showed up as guests.
No one is helping us with any expenses or down payment or mortgage.

amother

Babypink

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:36 am

I got academic scholarships that covered most of my first year in seminary, and my parents paid the rest of tuition (about $5000)while I covered spending money, insurance, my flight and other expenses that came up. I paid for most of my shana bet, and for most of college though my parents did give me some money. Ever since, I've been financially independent. I paid for my wedding, (together with my chattan's savings), my car, and I'm paying for my masters. Fortunately I am in a well paying field which allows us to live comfortably and independently, thank G-d.

animeme

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:37 am

amother wrote:

First baby didon't make it...parents and in laws split (I think) all chevra Chadish costs.
2nd baby...parents made bris. We paid mohel
3rd. We made kiddush in parents house and they made hot food and generously hosted all out guests for meals. We paid for everything else. (Parents used all extras at their simcha 2 weeks later)
4th...is still yellow unfortunately but we will pay for bris outselves. Parents gave me 500 dollars to help us.

Can't hug you here, so I will give you a brachah of nachas from your children and a happy and healthy family with continued good relationships. May Hashem bless you all.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:42 am

DrMom wrote:

No. Nor did we expect them to.

They generously paid for our wedding, though.

They paid for our undergraduate educations (before marriage). We paid for/earned fellowships for our graduate/professional degrees.

We are financially independent.

This.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:43 am

They have given me small gifts but I don't consider that as "help" because it is unexpected and a gift. Literally.
On the one hand I am proud that I am financially independent on the other hand it can be really hard especially when I see friends' parents giving them money left right and center.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:51 am

I will post to spice up this thread a bit 😄!! I am married for fifteen years and still totally supported. I work and make what I can. DH still in kollel. Parents pay all expenses. We deal with daily stuff and tuition (and cant even afford that!) Parents happy to do so and keep encouraging DH to continue!

racheli1

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 10:59 am

My parents didn't and couldn't pay for anything when I got married, yet fortunately my husband's side was able to pull everything off, and still pay my rent. Otherwise, there is the occasional gifts that we get, from my in laws as well.
To compensate for lack of support, my mom often babysits for me, sends the kids over to help, n sometimes provides supper. That's as far as support goes.

amother

Green

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:02 am

Yes. They gave us several generous gifts while dh was in school. Things like paying for his transportation to and from school one semester, paying for the babysitter for a few months, things that really helped us get by and keep studying.

My dad helped me study for several of my final exams. I didn't realize the financial value of that help until after he died. It turns out tutoring is like $40 an hour.

The biggest thing was that they helped us make a down payment on a house.

At any point we would have been able to support ourselves if they couldn't help. But I don't think I can say we were independent, then or now. We definitely wouldn't be where we are now without the help we got then.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:10 am

They paid for our wedding. Each side paid for our educations through our masters, contributing some towards my 2nd masters. We paid all of our basic day to day living expenses, they did give us a gift towards extensive renovations on our house, they give baby gifts, birthday and anniversary gifts. Babysit from time to time. BH.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:10 am

amother wrote:

No, nothing.

For our wedding, I paid for my own gown (rented for a night), we got married in a tzedakah hall so the hall and food was low, and my parents did pay $3,000 toward that. Dh used his camp money that he had saved to pay for flowers, band and photographer. MIL may have given him some money toward it.

Took out student loans to go to school.

In laws have given $250-$500 toward grandchildren's simchas (bris, Kiddush etc.). I don't call this "helping out" because it was always unexpected and lovely, but we never counted on it.

We had a beautiful fairy tale perfect wedding, and being independent of our parents has been a huge bracha for us.

no. nothing.

but u got $250-$500 for brisim kiddushim etc?

ectomorph

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:12 am

I paid my college tuition while living at home.
Since getting married, we have received no financial help, or babysitting, or anything. My parents don't even come to visit. It is likely that they will end up needing our help in the future.
They do have us for yomim tovim a few times a year. They also paid for my side of the wedding.
My husband doesn't have a college degree but can support us. I am a professional mother.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:18 am

At all means financial or other help? Before marriage I contributed to my parent's rent when I lived at home. My parents didn't pay a penny towards my university bills, that's where student loans come in handy. But they paid for most of my wedding (not my dress or wig but the evening they paid for).

Since my wedding, dh and I have purchased all our own furniture and linen etc but I suppose its relatively cheaper than what you expect because we don't to these thousands of dollar bedroom sets or 100's for linens either. We also bh manage our own rent since day 1 and we've both been working ever since we left school and paid off all student loans. We are what you would call financially independent in that no one would cover our rent or bills if we missed a month. We do hope in the far far future to afford our own home but whether that happens remains to be seen Smile

As for help, when we have babies BH my mom steps in to help for a couple of weeks and it's amazing. They don't make large purchases but buy small gifts like a sweet dress or shoes etc if they find something they like. We are welcome anytime YT or shabbos or just for lunch or supper during the week. They absolutely dote on my kids and would babysit anytime I ask. My dad babysat my toddler this afternoon for a couple of hours between his shifts as I had an appointment.

Would it be nice to have been bought a house? Hah! You bet. But I guess if I had to choose between emotional/physical support or financial, my eggs have fallen in the right basket.

m in Israel

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:22 am

amother wrote:

no. nothing.

but u got $250-$500 for brisim kiddushim etc?

Most people consider $250 -$500 for a simcha a gift, not "help". It is certainly not in the same category as getting money to cover regular living expenses or getting $50,000 towards a down payment. Getting gifts on special occasions, even cash gifts, does not mean a person is not financially independent.

tigerwife

Mon, Sep 19 2016, 11:53 am

tichellady wrote:

Yes my parents help out. We appreciate it a lot and hope to be able to afford to help our children.

This.

And by the way, this doesn't mean we wouldn't manage without their help. We are still financially independent, but we appreciate every gift and invitation for Shabbos. I hope to one day be able to do the same for my own children, while still ensuring they can support themselves.