How do you afford it???

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:12 pm

How do people send more than one kid to a yeshiva AND to summer camps AND own an apartment/house and can still buy food each month?

I understand, some of you are lucky to have family/parents around to contribute money for yeshiva or house. Or maybe you were smart (before having kids) to study in college for a high paying career.

But I really don’t understand it. Those of you that don’t get help and aren’t doctors or lawyers etc.. how are you managing living in the US (I’m talking mostly the TriState Area) and paying for more than one kid in a Jewish school and for housing?

I didn’t grow up over here. I was lucky that in Israel my dad had a stable job and my mom was a stay at home. I had my own room, we were happy till he was unemployed and then came here. I wish I’d go back years ago, my husband doesn’t want to move to Israel. Therefore, I’m trying to indeed how are we going to survive over here? We’re not living “the American” dream or anything close to that. I went back to work and we still just paying bills every month. I never sent my kids to summer camps (too expensive) and I wish I could send to sports or music classes, but we’re paying for Jewish school. We’re in a one bedroom apartment still... yes.. more than one child! We just pay utilities and maintenance (it’s owned by my parents). So we never owned or rented an apartment and I’m not sure how and when that can happen.

I’ve been feeling very depressed as a result. I feel like a failure for my kids. I can’t go back to school, I need to work. Right now he’s working full time, I’m part time because babysitters are too expensive. So that’s my story.

amother

Rose

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:34 pm

amother wrote:

nervous about what that America will become communist?
To answer your question OP there's a thread about how people are moving out of Brooklyn because they just can't afford it. Many people don't like in the NY/NJ area for that reason.

Nervous that people don’t realize that not everyone is making the same salary and some people can afford things and others can’t. These threads come up every other day

amother

Coffee

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:50 pm

amother wrote:

I don’t understand these questions???
Some people make money and some don’t. People can afford things that others can’t. We don’t live in a communist country.
Sorry- but these threads are making me super nervous.

This is very inconsiderate and also I think you misunderstood the OP.
I am in the same situation, and this conversation comes up often between me and dh. It is not phrased in a “oh poor me, give me money and virtual hugs” way. We are really trying to formulate a plan and budget. Should one of us go back to college? Open a business? Rather try moving up on his present retail job to a management position?
Frum people have a lot of expenses and a lot of kids, and some of us got a subpar education to boot. So, don’t hug me, but let’s hear. How do others do it? I am seeking practical solutions. And it seems like the OP is as well.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:58 pm

amother wrote:

Op here
Thank you so much for getting my point and understanding my post!

Again, I didn’t grow up over here and I know working in israel can also be not easy for some. But here, in the US, I’m trying to understand how to survive here financially while staying with the religion. Being Jewish over here seems to be too expensive! Yes, I looked into getting out of NYC and moving to out of town places. But then there’s always the question.. should we go with public schools or go with Jewish schools? And the yeshivas our of where I live aren’t cheaper. Yes, we could find cheaper housing/rent but then we wouldn’t be ina Jewish community. And since I’m not in Israel, I feel it’s vital to keep them close to a Jewish community, but then I feel stuck financially.

mha3484

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 5:59 pm

If I came off as snarky I apologize. I think that unless you can make a significant salary in the six figures, staying in NY or parts of NJ (property taxes are super high) is not a long term solution for most people.

So, either one of you should invest in a career that can really earn that much money or think about relocating to an area that is more affordable.

DH and I like our professions but they are not huge money makers and thats okay. We live in an area that is not super cheap but is more affordable then places like brooklyn or monsey. I have a child with some special educational needs so the smaller communities that are really affordable make me nervous since the resources tend to be more limited. Otherwise we would have considered moving.

We live as cheap as we can manage and at the end of the day we throw our lot in with the tuition committee.

amother

White

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:12 pm

amother wrote:

You need to do whatever you can to increase your income. Nothing is instant. Opening a business takes time to see profits . Getting a degree takes time and is not a promise that you will instantly find a job earning more money. Experience working is very important. We each have to do our own hishtadlus.
I can tell you that we've struggled, and we're able to buy a house after 14 years of marriage . Tuition is my biggest expense. If we moved OOT the tuition would be even more.The older the kids are the more expensive. My DH recently started his own business so that he could move farther financially. But with his increase of income came the increase of tuition . So we are technically back at where we started . I'm dreaming of opening a business of my own and I'm still in the research phase of it. Just keep doing your best and have faith that HaShem is watching out for you. We have been really tight the last few months since I'm out of a job. Last week the NY state comptroller sent us a letter that there are unclaimed funds due to my DH from an insurance company and they will be sending us a check. Money we didn't know existed. I don't how many hundreds it is. I'll find out when the check arrives . HaShem knows we are extra tight and is sending an extra boost just in the right moment.
I don't let it get me down or scare me. Because in 18 years I have seen how HaShem never let us down and we always had food, clothes and shelter. You need to truly believe that HaShem is the one that decides how much you will earn and let Him take care of you.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:16 pm

I once saw a beat up jalopy, a miracle it ran at all, with a bumper sticker “Don’t laugh—it’s PAID FOR”.
Not everyone who has stuff has paid for it. People desire stuff and put it on their credit cards, then go bankrupt buying stuff they can’t afford.
OTOH some people really do make an awful lot of money. Judging by the ads for luxury goods in the Lakewood “magazines” that have a half page infomercial and 225 pages of ads, everyone in Lakewood makes an awful lot of money.

naturalmom5

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:22 pm

amother wrote:

1... Hugs,, You said you don't want , but it sounds like you need

2... If you can get a job or source of income there.. Get away from the tri-state area.. Its very exorbitant and doesn't really offer that much for all the money we pay..
Look into Southbend or somewhere with tuition credits

3..Go on BC

4..Get as much free online education as you can

naturalmom5

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:26 pm

amother wrote:

Just look at the makeup thread... I couldn't believe many girls are spending more to paint their face for one night, then they shower or go to mikva and its GONE..., than I spend on groceries in 2 months

amother

Rose

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 6:32 pm

amother wrote:

I have a LOT of friends in Lakewood who’s husbands are making really nice money. We are comfortable at 200k a year. It’s cheaper living in Lakewood so ppl have more money for extras.

amother

White

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 7:14 pm

amother wrote:

for unclaimed funds YOU usually have to go on the website, find your name and submit proof. Did the letter ask for your personal information? I would be weary that it might be a scam...

The letter stated that if I wanted to file the claim to get the check I needed to go to their website of unclaimed funds. The info on the website did show there were unclaimed funds under my DHs name, address and SS and it matched that of the letter. It's legit. My DH years ago was had filed an insurance claim for gap insurance and never heard from them. The letter had my old address. They must've tried mailing the check to my old address and didn't have a forwarding address or something. There was enough info, such as phone numbers and email addresses to call if I had questions etc.
I checked before to make sure it wasn't a scam.