How do you afford it???

amother

Amber

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 7:20 pm

good for you! its always nice to get unexpected money Smile

amother

Salmon

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 7:24 pm

amother wrote:

How do people send more than one kid to a yeshiva AND to summer camps AND own an apartment/house and can still buy food each month?

I understand, some of you are lucky to have family/parents around to contribute money for yeshiva or house. Or maybe you were smart (before having kids) to study in college for a high paying career.

But I really don’t understand it. Those of you that don’t get help and aren’t doctors or lawyers etc.. how are you managing living in the US (I’m talking mostly the TriState Area) and paying for more than one kid in a Jewish school and for housing?

I didn’t grow up over here. I was lucky that in Israel my dad had a stable job and my mom was a stay at home. I had my own room, we were happy till he was unemployed and then came here. I wish I’d go back years ago, my husband doesn’t want to move to Israel. Therefore, I’m trying to indeed how are we going to survive over here? We’re not living “the American” dream or anything close to that. I went back to work and we still just paying bills every month. I never sent my kids to summer camps (too expensive) and I wish I could send to sports or music classes, but we’re paying for Jewish school. We’re in a one bedroom apartment still... yes.. more than one child! We just pay utilities and maintenance (it’s owned by my parents). So we never owned or rented an apartment and I’m not sure how and when that can happen.

I’ve been feeling very depressed as a result. I feel like a failure for my kids. I can’t go back to school, I need to work. Right now he’s working full time, I’m part time because babysitters are too expensive. So that’s my story.

OP, the others are being unnecessarily harsh on you. The Jewish lifestyle, particularly in the tri-state, is extremely hard to maintain unless you make it big out there or have someone supporting you.

The image that's portrayed, that so many seem to be making it there, is a false one. So many are really struggling behind the scenes. There's the huge rental and living expense, compounded by the large family sizes. And in many cases, the parents were never given the education and tools to properly navigate the workplace. There's a good reason why there are so many Chesed organizations out there, and why so many people are on the government's dole (and why so many people are collapsing from the stress).

But if you're waiting for something to change from the community within, you'll be left waiting forever. If you want a better life for yourself, only you can do something about it. Start seriously consider moving away, changing schools, or obtaining some skills and/or get a degree in a good field.

Perhaps, if one by one we all make the necessary changes, change will end up coming to the communities.

amother

Oak

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 7:25 pm

Honestly many people are living way above their means. Maxed out credit cards, mortgages, etc.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 8:13 pm

amother wrote:

I have a LOT of friends in Lakewood who’s husbands are making really nice money. We are comfortable at 200k a year. It’s cheaper living in Lakewood so ppl have more money for extras.

Talk about proving this thread's point!

amother

Wheat

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 10:08 pm

DH and I are both in management positions. Not professionals.
Own home in Brooklyn, send children to school. Have money for what we need and to save but not enough to live big.
No financial support from family.
Combined income of 250K.
That’s how.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 10:11 pm

amother wrote:

I have a LOT of friends in Lakewood who’s husbands are making really nice money. We are comfortable at 200k a year. It’s cheaper living in Lakewood so ppl have more money for extras.

Well, my husband doesn’t make as nearly as much as the amount you mentioned. Not six figures. If he would make as much, most likely I wouldn’t have started this thread. Not everyone makes 6 figures!

gold21

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 10:35 pm

To those who suggest moving out of town-

From what I understand, the "out of town" job market & salaries are lower, in line with the lower expenses.

Anyway, that's what people say. I guess it varies from place to place. I'd love to hear insight into this from anyone who would like to share.

I live in the tristate area and housing isn't cheap. So I do think about this sometimes. Like, how cool would it be to live in Middle America or something.

amother

Rose

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 10:41 pm

amother wrote:

I’m sorry- I was answering someone else but would you move to Lakewood? Everything is a lot cheaper here. Housing is very low

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Nov 27 2018, 11:02 pm

amother wrote:

I’m sorry- I was answering someone else but would you move to Lakewood? Everything is a lot cheaper here. Housing is very low

I don't think the jewish schools are cheaper. And we would need another car. We are still paying our car loan and getting another car would be another expense.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 12:12 am

We have no financial help and I have recently had health problems and am unable to work. The whole financial burden is on my husband. We rent and I can't imaging that we will ever own. We are extremely tight financially. No extras and we forgo many necessities. We both have masters degrees but they are in education and psychology. We didn't realize when we were young that those fields are luxuries for the wealthy. Teacher's salaries simply don't pay enough to live unless you have outside help. When I got sick, our finances took a nose dive, two modest salaries was one thing. But one modest salary is impossible. We have a small family. Tried for years for more children. When I got sick we had to stop treatments. At this point I can't imagine being able to afford more children. I always wanted to be a mother above all else but I don't think it's right to bring children into the world that you absolutely cannot afford. It is the heartbreak of my life.

giselle

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 12:32 am

amother wrote:

I don't think the jewish schools are cheaper. And we would need another car. We are still paying our car loan and getting another car would be another expense.

The Jewish schools in Lakewood are much cheaper.

amother

Lime

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 12:50 am

I hear you completely op.. we pushed out way through school juggling work and kids at the same time. Now we are making about 130k but have all the student loans to pay back so its still not enough and then we'll have the tuition and simchos.... Plan is we continue to grow in our careers still I don't see how we will be comfortable on 200k even. Paying our bills yes, comfortable no. And yes we live out of town. Where housing is REALLY cheap.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 3:23 am

How do people do it? How do people do it anywhere? They either make enough money or they dont. And if not, then SOMETHING has to give, so that they can life fine. Its as simple as that.
I know that you have mentioned a few times that you think you would be better off in Israel, but there is also no way of knowing that either.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 6:45 am

giselle wrote:

The Jewish schools in Lakewood are much cheaper.

How much?
In Queens the school is around $12000

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 6:48 am

amother wrote:

I’m sorry to hear , Refua Shlema!

I also know the feeling of wanting more kids but can’t. We can have more kids, but we can’t afford more and that’s another reason why I’m depressed because I’m getting older and I know it’s not a good idea to have another (and my kids are all boys so of course I also always wished for a girl)

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 6:50 am

amother wrote:

Op here
My husband is also still paying student loans. It’s too bad he wasn’t smart in his early age and went to an expensive college for useless degree.

watergirl

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:06 am

giselle wrote:

The Jewish schools in Lakewood are much cheaper.

If you can get in. Isnt that the whole issue there? Why push people to lakewood if they will have these issues?

SuperWify

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:12 am

amother wrote:

How much?
In Queens the school is around $12000

Depending on the school s tenets between $3-8000

amother

White

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:20 am

amother wrote:

OP I'm the one who wrote that we struggle. DH makes six figures and we live on a tight budget and are as frugal as can be and still can't afford a simple life. Six figures nowadays is needed for a frum couple with kids and $120k doesn't do it either, unfortunately. It's a struggle for many many people especially those that are in between and aren't eligible for any government assistance either, but don't get tuition breaks and pay taxes through the roof.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Nov 28 2018, 10:23 am

amother wrote:

By the way, I work in a shul and someone recently inquired to speak to the Rabbi because her daughter had a baby with a non-Jew and was circumcised in the hospital without a Rabbi. She was crying on the phone and it was heartbreaking! This is what I hope I can avoid for the sake of my kids. But being Jewish here is expensive.

Uhm ok. That escalated quickly. How did we get from tristate area is expensive to circumsision without a rabbi? I'm confused.