Overwhelmed. | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 6:39 pm

I think I need a vent.

I have 4 kids, BH. My oldest is in 4th grade. This year has definitely been the hardest so far in terms of Hebrew academics. I've been trying my best to help through the HW, but with the other kids, the youngest being 6months, but very clingy and needs to nurse semi often still. I work until 4:30 (babysitting from home) and then right once babysitting kids are picked up I quickly nurse the baby and start the HW process.

But I'm not always as good or helpful, bc I also have to help the 1st grader with HW, deal with the 3yos meltdowns from lack of attention, and exhaustion from the day. I feel so tired and so incredibly overwhelmed.

I've been in constant contact with the Hebrew teacher. In the beginning I was so grateful for that! Bc previous yrs I feel like aside from parent teacher conferences I never heard feedback from them, even though we requested.
I have been trying to do what was asked by the teacher. And I know that she has been getting some resource help in school as well. But it just feels like every time I talk to the teacher, I'm being assigned HW of my own. I honestly think the workload is too much. (For both of us at this point to be honest. And NO, I have not told that to my daughter.)

Tonight, my daughter handed me a note from the teacher, saying that I need to call her tinight. No explanation. And I have so much fear and dread. My daughter was in tears when she showed it to me. (Why was it written on a HW sheet, as apposed to a private note, I don't know.)

I don't even know if I have a question, or if I'm venting.

I know Imamother isn't always supportive. I may not get what I'm looking for, then again I don't know what I need myself, so...

Maybe some support? Maybe I need to know a teachers perspective, or else some Imamothers who have been in similar situations and can commiserate...?

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 6:45 pm

I do not agree with homework. And most of my kids teachers say the same when I speak to them privately. So I stopped making it a thing. Anyone who wants to do homework can and if you need my help I’m available. But some kids just don’t do homework anymore. I’m thankful their teachers are flexible about it. I just don’t believe in the whole premise. The kids have a long day and need to unwind and interact with their family. I’m sure I’ll get heat for this but it’s bh working for me.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

I've been a teacher for years and this doesn't sound normal. Homework shouldn't be the focus of your evening and should not be a burden on the mother more than the child. Please tell the teacher clearly that the expectation right now isn't realistic and she will need the be accommodating.

Wow. Thank you! I almost started crying when I read this.
I also wasn't sure If it was because I struggled with HW as a kid. My husband isn't American, and didn't have HW as a kid. But even he, altho he doesn't think it's good, especially since they have such long days, feels it needs to be done right. That it is the focus. Given that the teachers put such emphasis on it.

I'm really at a loss of what to do. Because, while I agree I need to say it is too much. It is too stressful, that if you have a 9yo who is having a panic attack over this. Where I'm thinking she needs a mental health day, that's too much!

But I also don't want to be perceived as over dramatic, or not setting this as important.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:01 pm

amother NeonPink wrote:

In my heart of hearts, I don't either. I've actually seriously considered homeschooling. Not teaching myself, but setting up a pod so to speak, and higher a teacher. Do it on our terms, less hours, no HW. More time to be a kid...And I do know someone in the community who may be interested. But socialization is soooo important, so I haven't.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:03 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

I have to say that while this ideal, it's not so realistic. I have multiple children and for some (and many of their classmates!) the burden of homework hangs tremendously over the mother's head.

I do try to do what many of my children's teachers have suggested-stop after 20 minutes (and send in a note) for the younger grades.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:04 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

4th grade Morah.
HW for my students shouldn’t take more than 20 min, unless it’s studying for a test. It’s supposed to be independent, with parent being around to overhear the chazara.
What are you most struggling with? The amount of time, the work you need to put in?

20 minutes each for kodesh and chol or total? Asking because it's taking my first grader so long and I'm curious what's normal.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:04 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

Long time mom here with kids across the spectrum of intelligence. you sound beyond amazing. And overinvolved. Step back.

Thank you.

It's hard to not be overinvolved when I have multiple phone calls, notes, and a long discussion at PTC where she has said I need to be involved, bc she's not doing well.

It's the HW, but also in class work. And bc I'm not in school, I need to be over involved in HW supposedly.

amother

Outerspace

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:17 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

My homework is always just reviewing Pessukim / Rashi so it shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes and if it does, I always tell parents to reach out to me. I'm not a believer in homework, they need time to be kids.
I do send home work to complete if a student did not use class time wisely and didn't complete something. I've rarely had a child need to do that more than once or twice because they learn quickly that they'd rather do it during class time than at home.

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:26 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

I agree. We just had a discussion about this in the grade chart for one of my kids. Teachers say “10-15 minutes, all you need to do is sign” but that’s not really true. Many teachers will penalize kids for not doing homework, so it’s on the parents to make sure it gets done. Doing homework also doesn’t just involve actually doing the work. It involves getting out the folder, getting a pencil, sitting down, staying focused to finish the whole assignment….and that’s all without needing any help from mom to do the actual work. If I stopped after 20 minutes, we wouldn’t necessarily even have any work done. Also….lets say each teacher says 10 minutes. That’s 10 minutes for math, 10 minutes for English, 10 minutes for kriah, 10 minutes for Hebrew worksheet….thats a lot of time.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:26 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

Wish u were my daughter's teacher. Smile

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 7:57 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

There is some form of quiz pretty much every morning. Either pasha, chumash. Befinu,etc
Then kriah (usually reading tehillim or from chumash) and sometimes a translation sheet.

Queen6

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 8:09 pm

Stop calling the teacher so much. Stop taking it so seriously. Do it to the best of your ability. Do it to the best of your daughter’s ability. It’s important to do well in school it’s not that important that your whole night should be chaos. She goes to school every day and learns there it’s just a review. Do a bit and move on. You don’t need so much discussion with the teacher or with your daughter either.

TravelHearter

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 8:12 pm

Talk to the teacher, explain. But don’t be as intense as some posters are saying…don’t be black and white, aggressive, shut her down, etc. Explain nicely, maybe ask for ideas, tell your daughter you’ll try your best, and move on. Don’t tell her ‘I don’t believe in HW’ or ‘your teacher is crazy’. That does more harm than good. Can your daughter not do any of it on her own?