Ami serial by Riva Pomerantz Take 2

it’s okay!

Mon, Dec 19 2022, 12:11 am

amother Mayflower wrote:

I don’t think Bella would encourage divorce. It’s too scandalous

Or maybe she will convince him to leave his wife before she has a chance to make a move. This way she can control the narrative and her son can be the victim of his wife. If she’s so worked up and afraid they’re going to divorce, maybe that’s the only way to keep her pride intact?

amother

Aster

Mon, Dec 19 2022, 12:11 am

I think she would. Someone like Bella is usually very vengeful driven by anger and anyway she wants aryeh to herself tho would give lip service to blaming Miri and finding him a “better” wife like she feels he “deserves.” She is blind to her own faults and huge limitations and acts reactively driven by subconscious forces. She has a serious personality disorder. And can be malicious and duplicitous.
His only chance and that of the marriage would be if aryeh faced reality and they moved far away like to another country and got in serious therapy to proceed with serious boundaries.
Their dynamic is far beyond codependency and enmeshment though weird he would be sucked in still at his mothers beck and call and mercy.

amother

Mayflower

Mon, Dec 19 2022, 12:14 am

it’s okay! wrote:

There’s no way to control a narrative of a husband divorcing a wife while the baby is in NICU. She’s manipulative, not stupid.

amother

Aster

Mon, Dec 19 2022, 12:17 am

Anger and revenge and personality disorders lead people to do very stupid things particularly when they think they can convince anyone of anything and seem to have successfully done so in the past. And now she really sees Miri and her family as the enemy.
If she can indeed turn aryeh against Miri and her family it’s like locking and loading a missile. And she seems to have no problem doing this. Certainly she has done plenty already and doesn’t care that everyone knows aryeh wasn’t at the birth. And that she is not around the baby either.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Dec 19 2022, 12:18 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

Okay.... this week's installment was crazy.

I changed my diagnosis of Bella. She's not narcisstic, she is borderline.

She's horrible. I hate her.

I'm not even sure she has a personality disorder at all....

Maybe she's just someone who's in a bad situation and is making very poor, and very selfish choices. Is everything always a personality disorder? (Though I vote narcissism if anything).

Its very clear that she is using Aryeh as her emotional husband and she's living in a completely delusional, made up world (calling her son from seder? To complain to him how horrible it would be for HER if he would get divorced? How self absorbed and selfish can a human being be???)

amother

Watermelon

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:42 pm

amother Pistachio wrote:

Recap plz anyone?

This was a filler week. If you missed it, you won't have any trouble catching up.

Basically, Aryeh texts Miri, "What did you tell your mother? I'm done" and doesn't come home for lunch.

Miri calls her mother, yells at her, and tells her she's not telling her mother anything else ever again.

Miri calls Mrs. Teigman for advice, and Mrs. T tells her to apologize, tell Aryeh she won't tell her mother anything again, and make up with him. Miri says she will.

The end.

amother

Aster

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:45 pm

Ugh
Abusers and personality disordered people usually try to isolate their victim/target
There are some situations in which you definitely should tell your parents and confide in trusted others in your life.

That’s why advice that generally works in marriages on the normal spectrum do not work in marriages with abusive dynamics for example.

amother

Sand

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 8:39 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Right and it irks me that even after ignoring her calls while she was having a baby and missing the birth he still feels so entitled and she still feels so insecure. Ugh.
I wonder what would happen if she ever reversed the tables and she would be the one sending angry texts and not coming home for lunch.
It’s so crazy how despite all his skeletons she’s still the weaker one in the relationship. Especially after all he had put her through he should be the one to appease her forever! But he’s back onto his high horse.

I agree with you that normal advice applies for normal situations, and nothing in their marriage is normal.

Chaya123

Fri, Dec 30 2022, 11:11 am

Miri's mother comes to visit them during their stony silence and apologizes for messing things up. She also tells the clueless Miri everything that's been going on, thinking she for sure knew. Aryeh is mortified and horrified and just opens up and admits everything that's been going on at his parents' home and how difficult it always was and still is and how he has to protect his mother and siblings. So so so sad and so horrible that Miri's mother mixed in but she seems clueless and honestly trying to help. Unfortunately, those unfamiliar with abuse are so clueless and can really mess things up. They should've involved a Rav or at least therapist instead of doing this alone but now that the damage has been done and all is out in the open, let's see what happens....

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Dec 30 2022, 11:38 am

Chaya123 wrote:

I agree that Nechama, according the the textbooks and professional opinions is totally and completely out of her lane and overstepping many boundaries.
BUT lets be honest here, she bought both Miri and Aryeh to a place that could have taken years to accomplish on their own, and months with a therapist. They are at a crossroad but they would have reached that crossroad anyway probably through a much more lengthy and painful journey. She did this from the goodness of her heart and for the love of her daughter which im sure any mom can understand. This whole episode will push Aryeh to the wall, and we shall see if he is fit to face the issues and work on them and on himself. Thats the only hope for this marriage.

amother

Honey

Fri, Dec 30 2022, 1:00 pm

Chaya123 wrote:

So WHAT was going on in his house? Physically abusive father?

It actually seems like her coming and talking was helpful this time. Miri now knows the full extent of the issue and Aryeh came clean. I think Nechama did the right thing (plus she thought Miri knew all this).

Kinor Dovid

Fri, Dec 30 2022, 2:22 pm

Nechama is a wise woman. She used her common sense as apposed to the textbooks. She saved them years of therapy and maybe also a few nervous break downs.. But of course it’s not a true story, only in fiction is there such 20/20 clarity.

Also, she didn’t breech Miri’s trust. All she said was that she overheard Aryes parents conversation and is very upset about what’s going on. The fact that they had problematic Shalom bayis was something even a deaf and blind parent can see. Especially since the missed birth crisis.
Who else should support Miri when her own husband is too busy to attend his son’s birth. When things are so off-the-charts the rules about a couple’s privacy can, actually NEED , to also be slightly off the charts.