Are you losing your looks?

amother

Hotpink

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 11:08 am

Turning fifty. I see pictures of myself ten years ago and I didn't appreciate how good I looked then. In fact, I remember thinking I look awful the day the pic was taken!
I keep thinking if I lose weight I will look good. So at least there is room for optimism.

One thing I am debating is botox and fillers. I don't have many wrinkles, my forehead is smooth, but I have laugh lines or whatever you want to call them. And my eyes look smaller (puffy underneath, starting to droop above).

My only fear is that I hear once you start with botox and fillers you can never stop, or it looks even worse than it did before. I'm not interested in damaging my looks. So meanwhile I stick to moisturizers etc.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 11:52 am

I'm 56. This has been on my mind for a while. Overall I'm fairly happy with my looks. I don't think they are fading, I just think they are changing, and that's natural. The question is, can you love yourself with your naturally changing looks? That's the part I'm working on.

I would love to get Botox, just between my eyebrows. I'm prone to migraines, and over the years that's where the migraines seem to have made those muscles cramp up and create lines.

I've considered more drastic measures, like liposuction, fat transfer, facial fillers, etc. It's just a passing thought though. It always comes down to the same thing in the end. Who am I trying to impress? If I am happy with myself, I don't need the world to think that I am "Stuuuuunnnning!"

Iris Apfel is my new role model. When I grow up I want to be just like her.

amother

Sage

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 12:16 pm

I'm 45 and look my age. Like, I realize that I look just like a woman in her mid-forties. Sometimes it does bother me, but most of the time I'm realistic. I'd rather age in a dignified way than waste my time and money on more or less futile conservation efforts.

I have greatly improved the way I dress, though. I used to run around for many years in ill-fitting second hand clothes, out of principle. (Not lack of money, B"H, but rather as a form of anti-materialism). For the last 2 - 3 years, I've revised that and actually put in effort and bought myself decent clothes and accessories. It makes quite a difference.

Another thing which my mother advised me to do from an early age is that I use face cream every single morning and evening, only minus Shabbat and YT. While my face has become pouchier with age, I have nearly no wrinkles. My mom who is in her early eighties, also has fewer wrinkles than most women her age.

etky

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 12:47 pm

I'm 55 b"h and have learned to be happy with "looking good for my age".
I do put in effort to look my best, especially in staying fit and maintaining a normal weight.
That - as opposed to facial aging - is something over which I can exert more control so I try to focus on that.
I do use a few anti-aging serums (I started in my early forties) and I think they've been pretty effective b"h.
I've also made peace with the idea of coloring my hair. I hate having to do it but I really don't like the grey look.
It has been a struggle coming to terms with the physical aspects of aging and some days it bothers me more than others but overall I am more at peace with the concept than I was say ten years ago.
I think the forties are a very difficult decade for women.
It's when you first begin to look 'older' and it takes a while to adjust to no longer being young.
It's ok to be sad about it.

amother

Raspberry

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 5:04 pm

amother [ Valerian ] wrote:

I’m 26 and I felt like this since I was 21 and gave birth to my first baby Sad

Maybe I should start a spin-off but I miss my sxy skinny body. My DH still likes it but I miss it.

Moral of this thread. Enjoy the body you currently have becuase if you won't you will constantly be turning your head and wishing for the body of five years before.

4everdiet

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 6:36 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

The bolded is just brilliant. I miss looking effortlessly good. Just some eyeliner and lip gloss and wow! Looking great.

rainbow dash

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 6:45 pm

I'm 41. Yep I feel the same way. Sometimes my kids will check my face for a stray hair that I can pluck off my face. I'm getting white hair and some wrinkles. Bh I use a day and night cream and serum. Also twice a week I do at home facials, recently I went to the hairdresser and had my hair done. I go once a month to get my eyebrows waxed and to get other stuff done like a pedicure or massage. Bh my kids keep me young.

amother

Honey

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 6:50 pm

I'm in my mid 40s and while I'm definitely aging, I also feel prettier than I've ever felt in my life. I think a large part of beauty is how you feel inside and thank god I'm doing much better than ever. BH. As for keeping new up looks, so far I haven't sone any botox or fillers but I get semi-permanent lash extensions every month and of course dye my grays

amother

Daylily

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 7:21 pm

Hugs. I'm in my fifties and weigh a lot less than I used to, so while I can see my 50 y.o. chin ( Sad

) my cheekbones are also more pronounced. Also, I had a cap on a front tooth 40+ years ago that I'd wanted to replace for cosmetic reasons as some metal was getting visible (from a filling? gums receding, idk). I got it replaced and I like my smile now. I'm so much happier seeing my face.

But yeah, I'm getting older. Gray/white. wrinkles, older neck. And it's just not age-appropriate for me to rock every style. I can see how people can find it upsetting and jarring.

I'm not going to give you perspective, like I've outlived different relatives and bH I'm physically strong and can do physically demanding things when necessary. But that's what keeps me going.

amother

Dill

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 8:11 pm

I’m in my late 40s and have had to come to terms with visibly aging, but it’s not the focus for me. I’m b”H much more mature, rooted, secure than I was as a younger woman, so I feel better about myself now than I did then even though I used to be slim and pretty. I b”H live in a yeshivishe community where looks aren’t a big focus, and women my age are given a lot of respect. Those of us who were b”H blessed with children have worked hard to raise them, and now we’re seeing the peiros of all those sleepless nights. I feel like most women my age have a kindness and a glow about us because we’ve lived through a lot, and grown.

On the other hand, I have family members who are wealthy and move in different circles than I do, and I know they struggle a lot because in their culture women are supposed to try to look 20 forever. It puts a crazy pressure on people.

My advice would be to find likeminded friends whose focus is on mitzvos and growing in ruchnius. It brings deep simcha to come closer to Hashem, and that simcha can replace (and be far stronger than) the superficial compliments you used to get.

amother

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 8:23 pm

amother [ Crocus ] wrote:

try a makeup artist that will teach you how to conceal those wrinkles... A fresh makeover is always nice and you can get great tips.
Excersize and put more emphasis on healthy eating. That shouldn't stop when you age

It’s not wrinkles. I just look older. Also my neck has those turkey lines. Ugh.

amother

Daylily

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s not wrinkles. I just look older. Also my neck has those turkey lines. Ugh.

I know some young great grandmothers, 70ish and 70+ and they look so good! Yes, they look older but not old. Great complexions. Energetic and working. I feel like I have lot to look forward to beH.

amother

Aster

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 8:33 pm

etky wrote:

Which serums?

pesach

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 10:06 pm

Most important of all and things you CAN control are:

1. CLEAN AND WHITE TEETH!

2. Clean/fresh Sheitel (tichel, hair, hat etc…)

3. A smile on your face!

4. Always smell nice and clean!

All 4 are equally important.

If you have the above you will always be attractive! Always!

amother

Orchid

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 10:09 pm

pesach wrote:

How can white teeth be controlled? Mine are not white Sad

pesach

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 10:10 pm

amother [ Bluebell ] wrote:

You're asking for replies from imas whose looks were very important to them, whereas I'm not losing my looks because I never had them in the first place. But it was a rude shock to notice that my eyelashes were skimpy, faded and too short to curl, when they were always dark, long and curly. Now they're almost invisible. And my decolletage, which was a pity to keep covered because, unlike my face, it was smooth and creamy, is suddenly speckled and tagged and altogether no hardship to keep under wraps.

Well, I never hung my self-esteem on my eyelashes or my decolletage, so my attitude is "too bad, easy come, easy go." I'm not going into mourning over every wrinkle, skin tag, and lost eyelash. B"H I'm married, employed and have been living in the same place for many years. I'm not competing with anyone for a husband, a job, or friends, so what do my looks matter? I look like what I am, a very average, unpretentious, not-getting-any-younger woman who now hears "At your age you can't expect_______ " instead of "You can't possibly be old enough to remember ________!"

I can see how, if your self-esteem hinged on your youthful good looks, the inevitable fading would be devastating. That's why I'm glad I was at most at the low end of average, never beautiful. Of course I'm not pleased to see the ravages of time, but they're not destroying my life.

Tags are easy to remove. For sure start w removing those. This goes for everyone. Young or old.

amother

Clover

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 10:11 pm

I'm also around OP's age and struggle with the same. I am extremely focused on looks and it has always been super important to me. What helps me best is when I try to focus on making myself look my own very best with whatever I've got as opposed to trying to look better than others.

pesach

Sat, Dec 25 2021, 10:12 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

How can white teeth be controlled? Mine are not white Sad

Crest white strips maybe? Definitely would Recomenda Listening whitening rinse (it’s a white bottle) and whitening toothpaste.

Teeth don’t need to be very white but white enough. No yellow. Smile