Designer buys: 'Don't judge me!' and 'respect me!'

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Shopping

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

↑ avrahamama

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:01 am

amother [ Burntblack ] wrote:

I bh have the money but designer names mean nothing to me.
My family however is really into that stuff. It bothers me that I’m never given any recognition for my beautiful (I think) non designer stuff - though I am in therapy for past trauma and I am learning to give myself my own recognition.

The thing is - I never look down at my sil at all- like one of them said: we each have our own yetzer horahs, and boy is she right!
My trauma left me with my own demons to battle and they aren’t pretty at all.
So I battle certain addictions and self harm, she battles keeping up with the jonses... I would feel sad if you looked down at me because of my struggles and so too I can respect her despite our differences..Our struggles look different but that doesn’t make any of us “less then”. And like I learnt in dbt classes: all people at any given point in time are doing the best they can.

I seriously love you all: gucci or target

🥰

amother

Vermilion ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:10 am

Ok I'll chime in.
I live in Monsey with very little peer pressure. I am neutral Chassidish.
I bought the Doona stroller because I'm in and out of my car a lot and was told it's the best one. I also got a bugaboo because I had bought a cheaper one and hated it so decided to get a really good one.
But, I also wear clothing from Shein and get my kids clothing from H&M. I also drive a very simple car. I can bh afford designer stuff and I like nice things but am not into this whole designer thing
But I did just get myself a designer bag because I loved it and it was a great deal. I get a thrill from bargains and also bought some designer stuff for my kids that I came across for a great price.
I guess I just want to say that not everyone that you see with designer stuff is immersed in it. And some people really do get better strollers for valid reasons.

flowerpower

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:25 am

I really could not care less what people buy and have zero peer pressure to copy anyone. Who cares what people buy? If this makes them happy good for them........

amother

Navyblue ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:31 am

I love this synopsis, but I want to bring another viewpoint. I don't wear labels splashed on my clothing. I do not have children yet, but I would not dress my kids in Moncler coats or t-shirts with Moschino emblazoned across the front. I don't choose clothing because they have words and a label. Moreover, I would be worried about how others perceive me. My husband is a law student and I think it looks silly to dress in loud designer clothing while we have student loans to pay (which will iyH eventually morphe into tuition, a mortgage, etc.) But, I do have a passion for aesthetics. I enjoy putting together beautiful outfits- choosing skirts with structure and shape, and dresses with beautiful textures. I find a lot of beauty in designer clothing. I enjoy going into stores like Century and putting together designer outfits. I love picking out baby gifts and buying beautiful knits or outfits with matching hats and shoes that make a child look like a little doll. I consider myself an intellectual individual. I have an advanced degree and I listen to podcasts and read in much of my spare time. I can understand why people want to buy beautiful strollers for their children- not because they are status symbols, but because they are beautiful! Of course, it is challenging to balance this outlook and easy to become obsessed with these items, especially when it becomes about keeping up with everyone else. But I want to bring another perspective. I don't dress the way I do to signal I am part of a group (which I am not) or the "right type of person". I dress this way because it is a creative outlet for me and I enjoy wearing the outfits I put together. Does this indicate some sort of deficit in my personality traits? Perhaps, but I am okay with that as long as it makes me happy and doesn't become overwhelming or stressful or about keeping up with others.
I am being very honest, and open to hearing if others can relate as well.

amother

↑ Burntblack ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:38 am

I love books! Not only the content but the feel of them! The smell of new books! The smell of old books! Mmmm. My dream is floor to ceiling bookcases with ladders and more books. I love spending money on books

My sister loves clothing. Different textures, exotic styles. The people who made them. Her dream is walk in closets with jimmy choos and I-dont-know-who. She loves spending money on designer clothing.

I think she’s funny!
She thinks I’m funny!

But we love each other!

farmom ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 10:42 am

Fab4 wrote:

I have the same issue. My son wanted the real crocs so I said he needs to pay towards them bc the copies are just as good. In the end I paid for them bc I found a pair for very reasonable. He did agree to pay x amount towards them though, before I found the cheaper ones. That's how I knew how important they actually were to him. Rolling Eyes

Real Crocs are better quality and way more comfortable

amother

↑ Vermilion

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:02 am

amother [ Navyblue ] wrote:

On the contrary. Being creative and artsy is a beautiful blessing from Hashem. Hashem's world is full of aesthetic beauty, created for our joy and pleasure.
I can totally relate!

amother

Crimson ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:05 am

imaima wrote:

Why take so much time to explain that other people spending their money the way they want is wrong or a sign of smth other than being able to afford luxury?

There are tons of assumptions there that don't apply to people who actually have the money to spend.

There are ways people can want that are wrong, are there not?

amother

Wandflower ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:06 am

DVOM wrote:

The problem here is that you assume that your conclusion is true, and then argue from there. Its a logical fallacy.

You never establish that people who purchase designer or other high end goods do so to be part of a group, or because they want to be cool, or whatever shallow meaning you attribute to them. That's your rather benighted opinion.

When I purchase a designer or high end item, its because I want the item, and believe that its appearance, design, or durability is superior to other goods.

I weigh environmental impacts.

If I'm purchasing something that is likely to be quickly stained or out of style, or that I will only have reason to wear infrequently, I purchase low end. But for more classic or heavily used items, I prefer quality. I have blouses that are older than many posters here, and purses that are probably as old as their mothers (my oldest, I believe, was purchased in the late 1980s). They're all still in use. Not in a landfill. My husband, similarly, wears his clothes until they are stained or torn, which is usually several years, rather than replacing them annually because he purchased cheap goods.

What you have expressed is its own form of snobbery, attacking the motives and midos of people who choose to spend their money differently than you.

sky

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:06 am

farmom wrote:

Real Crocs are better quality and way more comfortable

I always find these comments perplexing.
I pass down children’s place ‘crocs’ through 3 girls. They look better then regular crocs at this point. My kids say they are comfy.
So what decides real crocs are better quality or more comfortable. Same with natives. Natives look dirty and grungy just the same.
I think we think the labels make it better quality bec it’s a name brand. But is it true? Based on what?

I don’t judge ppl who wear name brands
For my girls last year it was important to get real natives so I did.
They told me the end of the year themselves it was no better then fakes we had in past.
I think they still want the real ones tho again. I don’t deny labels matter to ppl.

amother

↑ Petunia

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:08 am

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

On the contrary. Being creative and artsy is a beautiful blessing from Hashem. Hashem's world is full of aesthetic beauty, created for our joy and pleasure.
I can totally relate!

But if your lifestyle keeps you away from museums, and expects everyone to have the same taste in furniture, and limits what you read, clothing and food become your only creative outlets. Then these very shallow interests end up being disproportionately important in your life.

amother

↑ Wandflower ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:08 am

amother [ Brass ] wrote:

My point on the other thread was most of these people are wearing fakes.
She’s not jealous of their money, because they don’t really have any.
They’re buying knock offs on Ali express, to make people think they have money.
They’re borrowing to live a lifestyle they can’t afford.
No ones jealous of them, Just sad for them.
(Like I said in the other thread, I’m not one of those anti designer people. I own designer clothing. I admit, I like nice things. I just buy as much as I can afford and if I can’t, I won’t buy it on Ali so I can pretend I have channel shoes when everyone knows they’re fake)

Wearing a fake label is a clear act of theft. I would hope that anyone considering doing so has consulted her rabbi.

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:13 am

DVOM wrote:

The highly entertaining 'designer buys' thread was locked before my super-duper important thoughts could be committed to writing!

Here they are:

Regarding 'don't judge me!':

We use our clothing and our 'stuff' to signal our belonging. When you dress in all designer clothes and buy all designer gear, you're trying to send a message about yourself: your cool, you're 'in', you belong, you're 'normal'. When this stuff becomes the uniform, all people who want entry to this club feel they must have it. Clubs are no fun when everyone can enter; part of the joy of being in a club is its inherent exclusivity. So the club uniform gets more and more expensive and difficult to obtain for the regular Joe and Jane. But if you want to be part of the club, you'll prioritize it above other expenses, because without this stuff you can't signal your belonging.

My point is (I was getting to it!!): You want others to judge you. Saying 'don't judge me based on my stuff' is kinda funny. You bought your stuff so that others can make judgment calls about you based on that very same stuff. You want to show that you belong, that you're in the know, that you've got the right stuff and are therefore the right type of person, whatever that is in your community and culture.

Regarding 'respect me!':

The problem occurs when others, usually those outside of your community, outside of the club, take a look at all the stuff that has become important signals of belonging and find it shallow, or silly, or vain, or ridiculous. You wanted the judgment of 'you belong' when people look at the stuff you've got on display, but no one likes the judgment of 'That's your club uniform??? What's wrong with all you people? Why aren't any of you thinking for yourselves, realizing how nuts it is that everyone needs the same 1,000$ stroller to feel normal?" After all, all you need to belong to this particular club is money and the knowledge of the 'correct' things to buy. Not particularly admirable traits, in and of themselves.

Of course, being human, most people like to feel they belong to something, some community, some club. But not every club has 'stuff' as their symbols of belonging. Education or community involvement or ascribing to a certain set of beliefs can also be club entry tickets.

(Someone pointed out on the other thread that one of the entry tickets to the 'imamother cool kids' club is a belief in the values of frugality, even a belief in extreme austerity. I think this is interesting and true. Of course, interesting ideas and quality writing skills are also 'imamother cool kids' entry tickets. I admire those things. It's a club I'd like to belong to!)

I don't find acquiring 'stuff' to signal belonging to be a particularly mature or interesting way to join a 'club'. Clubs like this are not ones I usually want to belong to. I know I will get tomatoed for saying so, but this is not a behavior that I'm particularly impressed with. There's no skill or effort or accomplishment in acquiring stuff. In other words, no, I don't respect it. That doesn't mean to say that I don't respect YOU. There might be many things I find very respectable about you. But your designer stuff is not one of them. And if I'm really honest, it can be a challenge for me to look past all your stuff and find the things I do respect about you: your hard work, your intellect, your talents. A kind of reverse snobbery I guess. My automatic thinking is that if your willing to be part of such a boring, low-threshold-entry club, you might be a boring person. Of course, I'm proven wrong time and time again. Many people who ascribe to the 'cool designer stuff' club, are also interesting, intelligent, wonderful people.

TravelHearter ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:22 am

I haven’t read through much of this thread but tits so interesting bc I’m coming from the other direction! After hearing so much about how amazing bugaboos are I would love to buy one second hand but I’m really hesitating because I don’t want people to see the brand name and think I bought it for any other reason.

amother

↑ Wandflower ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:22 am

keym wrote:

But I think a really important point needs to be taken from OP.
If one really feels others shouldn't judge her on the external choices- Chanel or not, label or not, etc. It's ironic that some of the same people judge and think it's acceptable to judge other external factors- head covering style, shirt color or style, etc.

And I think at least be consistent.

And perhaps most ironic at all that those who exclaim how dare you judge me for not wearing designer clothes themselves judge those who wear those items.

amother

↑ Crimson ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:27 am

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

And perhaps most ironic at all that those who exclaim how dare you judge me for not wearing designer clothes themselves judge those who wear those items.

Those are not equivalents. One is a choice and the other is not.

↑ TravelHearter

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:27 am

sky wrote:

Interesting. I’m kind of battling this for myself. On the other hand though, I find with shoes specifically that brand name usually does mean better quality. There are exceptions of course, but when I want to buy a pair of shoes (for myself) and want it to last more than a season hopefully I tend to buy within a certain price bracket and certain names I have good experience with, as usually those shoes lay me, as opposed to something cheap.

amother

Melon

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:30 am

amother [ Vanilla ] wrote:

Actually, the imitation crocs eat up my kids feet and sweat terribly. I buy crocs and natives on Amazon and I've never spent more than $20 on them.

I know it feels silly to spend on something that looks so cheap, but if your kid doesn't have another pair of slippers it isn't more expensive than the shoe style slippers we used to buy in the past.

(And as Vanillas experience, the imitations are terrible for my feet.)

Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 7:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

allthingsblue

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:37 am

I personally have not had good experience with off brand natives. They split open mid season. Regular natives and crocs lasted two seasons and could have lasted longer if I had chosen to hand them down. So I choose to buy real crocs and natives.
As far as shoes for me, I only buy from comfort companies ie naturalizer , cole Haan, fit flops, adidas, Nike.

If you really want, crocs and Balenciaga did a collab this season. High heeled crocs…

amother

↑ Crimson ↓

Wed, Jun 09 2021, 11:38 am

There is a big difference between fancy designer stuff and stuff like Crocs.

Page 3 of 9

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Next